@The only remaining residual warmth (Suzhou)?
Brother! When I see your experience, I feel the same and cry in my heart. As a Jian friend, I hate myself for not being able to help you! But I have some advice that I hope you can accept.
First, your mother is seriously ill, and it is exactly when you are needed. It not only tests your sincerity as a filial son, but also develops the filial wisdom of a filial son. Please hold on!
Don’t think about the worst at this time, the key is to do everything possible to find a way, to be extremely filial, to move the heaven and the earth, a miracle will happen, and to believe that God has a perfect path!
At this time, at least we must do our best and obey destiny instead of doing stupid things! According to Buddhism, a person who commits suicide has an abnormal death. After death, the underworld will not accept him, and his soul will have nowhere to go. He will commit suicide in the same way every seven days. It is very painful, so you must not choose to commit suicide.
In addition, your mother's hope and future are tied to you. "If your body is injured, your relatives will be worried; if your morals are injured, your relatives will be ashamed." "Mutilate", how can you despise yourself, destroy yourself, and injure yourself? This is a very unfilial act and must not be done! I hope you will put an end to these evil thoughts, be brave enough to take on important tasks, properly handle the difficulties in front of you, and think long and hard about big plans to prosper your family and career, so that you can be a filial son with the right knowledge and views. What's more, you love literature, are versatile, and are legitimately serving the country and displaying your ambitions. How can you be ignorant of the truth and let down the deep kindness of your parents in raising you?
Second, it is recommended to seek help from the government civil affairs department or the Buddhist Association, a charity organization, as well as TsingleChou, ShuidiChou, etc.
Third, maybe you don’t believe in Buddhism, but I will tell you a very simple method, you might as well give it a try. Please sincerely recite the name of "Namo (read: Namo) the Great Merciful and Great Compassionate Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva, who saves the suffering and the distressed", or recite the name of "Namo Amitabha", it may bring about miracles. Secondly, if possible, you'd better recite the Ksitigarbha Sutra or the Medicine Master Sutra sincerely, and dedicate this merit to your mother for a speedy recovery! You can also spend some money to buy things in your mother's name, and use this fearless donation to dedicate the merits to your mother for a speedy recovery. These are better than doing stupid things!
Fourth, if it really doesn’t work, you must look away. Who can avoid getting sick if people eat whole grains? Who can avoid death? I hope you can find local Buddhists to help contact you and provide end-of-life care for your mother as per the law. This will help the old man to live peacefully and be reborn in the Pure Land. Wouldn’t it help your mother to escape the important matter of life and death, and also fulfill your filial piety as a child? !
The above are my personal suggestions. I hope it will be helpful to you!
In addition, within the past month, I have respectfully copied "The Buddha Speaks of Amitabha Sutra" (full text of 1858 words) using calligraphy. It just ended today. I would like to use this to copy "The Buddha Speaks of Amitabha Sutra" "Dedicate the merits of this part to your mother. May she meet good fate, receive effective treatment, recover soon, eliminate disasters and prolong life. When she dies, her heart will not be turned upside down, and she will be reborn in the Western Paradise! Namo Amitabha! Namo Amitabha! Namo Amitabha!