You are a different person in another city. You want to run away and live a simple life, only to find that the tangible feet can leave, but the invisible roots are still in place.
The personality shaped by hometown and the habits formed by urban civilization always tear themselves at the approach of the Spring Festival.
Every year in December, I feel vaguely prepared for the Chinese New Year, and the information about "going home for the Chinese New Year" in front of my eyes and ears adds a little more urgency.
The unfinished business in this year, the wish that was realized at the beginning of the year, should be suspended at this time, and "we will talk about it after the Spring Festival", which is a very important feature in traditional culture.
I've been floating outside for 16 years, and I went home for the Spring Festival in the early years. I'm not as hesitant and anxious as I am now, but I always have some pressure in my heart. It may have something to do with being young at that time, or it may have something to do with the local culture of "it is difficult to leave one's hometown". There are still two or three months before the Chinese New Year, so I am anxious to buy a ticket. Before I leave, I am looking forward to it, and the whole person is not in the state. When married with children arrives at the railway station, even if there is no ticket, I have to get on the train first and then make up the ticket. At that time, it was hard for the whole person not to go home for the New Year, and I felt that my heart would be bumpy for the next whole year.
However, it's too hard to go home for the New Year. For the simplest example, one week or half a month before going home, my teeth will ache faintly because of getting angry. When I come back to work after the New Year, there will be a fire bubble in my mouth, and I will get angry every New Year. It seems to be a routine and a reason to fear the New Year. Finally, I understand why when I was a child, the children were happy and the adults sighed.
In recent years, there are also some reasons why I don't want to go home for the New Year. First, it is difficult to adapt to the environment. My hometown is located at the border between the north and the south, and there is no heating in winter. Accustomed to the winter with heating in Beijing, I was too cold to hide when I went back. When I saw someone with a burning stove, I stayed by and didn't want to go.
Leave the cold bed in the morning and brush your teeth and wash your face with cold water. But when I was a teenager, I didn't feel how hard such living conditions were. It can be seen that people can't live a comfortable life. It is easy to go from a bitter life to a comfortable life, but it is difficult to go back.
Secondly, visiting relatives has become a "routine". In fact, the so-called visit is to give gifts from door to door. There is a custom in my hometown that people who have been away from home come back, and no matter how well they get along, they must come to see them. Since the door is empty-handed, it is bound to be ugly. In case a relative fails to make it for one reason or another, it will be left behind and will be recited behind, which will ruin the good reputation saved for many years.
It is necessary for relatives to visit since they haven't seen each other for a year. However, since the Spring Festival holiday is only a few days away, 1 or 2 relatives will leave, except for buying gifts and running on the road, putting down their things and exchanging pleasantries. This kind of greeting has lasted for more than ten years and has become a routine.
and I'm tired of dealing with dinner. Our hometown has experienced hunger in its early years, leaving a profound memory, and until now, it still retains the tradition of good food and good wine for guests to enjoy. Whether you are hungry or not, this dinner should be held from beginning to end, until the host feels that he can't persuade the wine and the food, which is a successful end.
Sometimes I really want to wander around the streets in 28 and do nothing, and buy a bunch of candied haws and make a circle like I did when I was a teenager, but this has also become a luxury wish. I hope to leave more time for myself before I go home every year, but after I really go home, I realize that time is not yours. Because of all this reluctance, there have been long struggles and conflicts in my heart.
The personality shaped by hometown and the habits formed by urban civilization always tear themselves at the approach of the Spring Festival. I often blame myself for this tearing, and feel that I have changed, lazy, selfish and sophisticated, as if it would make me feel better.
But this kind of self-pressure is much more, and it will also explain to yourself: You are a person, an ordinary person, a tired middle-aged, and you no longer have the strength to be a good old man that everyone says is good. Why bother to work hard for face?
excuses belong to excuses, but the final result is still to obey the previous routine, what to do and what to do.
This situation is probably a test faced by many drifters. You have become a different person in another city. You want to run away and live a simple life, only to find that the tangible feet can leave, but the invisible roots are still in place. Every time you try to pull them out, it hurts.
you think, just go back and let those feet grow back where their roots are, but you will find that even if you stay for a few more days, you will be on pins and needles and want to leave. What should you do? What should you do? But no one has offered you a solution.
I used to think that Song Zhiwen wrote "now, nearing my village, meeting people" because he was excited and nervous because he was happy to be near his hometown, or because there were some dear people waiting in his hometown. Later, I learned that I was thinking too much. The original intention of the poem was that I couldn't get letters from my hometown for a long time, and I was worried about what would happen at home on my way home. It was all gray emotions with no charming elements. It turns out that more than 13 years ago, Song Zhiwen wrote all the worries of the "floating generation" in four short poems.