On a cold night, with the doors and windows closed, there is still an unstoppable chill creeping in, and this coldness passes through the body and skin, and penetrates to the stomach and bone marrow. I felt indescribable pain and sadness in my heart. Investigating the root cause, it was not the coldness on the outside that caused the trouble. After thinking about it, it was probably the sequelae of a return home. In the deserted night, every time I think of my relatives who are still digging for food in the mountains, I can't help but burst into tears and ask myself, what should I do to love you?
The first stop when returning to my hometown was to stay at my third uncle’s house. The reason is simple. It is the place where I was born, and there are always some ties and expectations that I want to pick up. And for grandma’s birthday, my third uncle, who is very filial, will definitely be there, and I will be there too.
Before setting off, my father and mother called my third uncle, hoping that they would pick me up at Shuimoyan. There were a lot of things. Because my third uncle had just finished the night shift that day when he was digging coal in the small coal mine and was catching up on his sleep, and there was still a night shift in the evening, I gave up the idea of ??asking him to pick me up, and instead booked a meal after getting off the bus.
I was driving down the winding mountain road in front of me. When I passed by the road beside the ditch, an old woman kneeling in the field beside the road digging sweet potatoes swayed past the car window. She was so shaken that I recognized her. , that is my great-aunt, my third uncle’s mother-in-law who is in her seventies. She had just undergone gallbladder and appendectomy surgery at the beginning of the year.
Before I could shout, the car turned the corner, climbed up the slope, and reached the slope behind the third uncle's house. There was a whistle and a dog barking, and my third aunt came up to help me carry the box. Looking at her thin body like a washboard and her disheveled hair, I felt a little strange. Only her soft and slow speaking tone had not been washed away by the wind and rain of the years.
When they reached the corner of the house, the third uncle had already walked over from the drying yard. I haven't seen him for several years. Although I have imagined his appearance countless times before, I was still stunned: the third uncle is like a broken corn stalk in the field in front of the door. In the polishing of the years, only What is left is a skinny body, and because he has not seen the light of day underground for many years, his originally fair face is completely dull and pale. Because of his smile, it is full of deep and shallow wrinkles, just like the plows left by the years. The cry of the poet. The joy I thought I would feel about returning to my hometown was instantly buried by the pain. I held back my tears and pretended to laugh. Only I knew that the left side of my chest had already made a sound like ripping silk.
In order to celebrate my mother’s birthday without delaying work, the third uncle changed shifts with his colleagues on the second day after I arrived. In addition to working his own night shift, he also joined his colleague’s second shift and worked continuously. It took nearly sixteen hours before I came back at almost dusk. Hearing the sound of a motorcycle behind the house, I went out to meet him, but I didn't expect that my third uncle would turn the corner of the house so quickly. So, a man who was completely black except for the whites of his eyes appeared out of nowhere. out. I was startled. He stopped the car and grinned at me, showing his teeth that were yellowed by tobacco. Time seemed to freeze, and I was speechless and choked. As it happened, when I accompanied my little niece to the kitchen, I just met my third uncle coming out of the shower, with his back bare and his shoes on. I had seen those dazzling ribs on tuberculosis patients when I was a doctor. Not only were the ribs clearly identifiable one by one, but the intercostal space, supraclavicular fossa, and suprasternal fossa were all deeply sunk. In professional terms, it is "three concave signs". Not daring to touch his eyes or his heart, I quickly pretended not to notice and took my little niece back to the fire house.
Among the seven uncles, I did not spend the most time with my third uncle, but I was the closest to him. Perhaps it was because when he came to my hometown, it was more or less because my grandmother wanted to give my mother a child. Ban'er, maybe it's because of his casual and gentle temperament. His home is not far from my original home. You can see his house from the upstairs of my house. If you stand on the floor of my house with a loud voice, you can shout yes to him. In my memory, my third uncle always had a humble and gentle smile, and spoke slowly. He learned the work of a bricklayer and could burn green tiles well. He also knew how to control snakes, and could easily catch snakes using their gallbladders. Brewing wine can improve your eyesight, and you can accurately judge whether snakes are poisonous or not. You can also prepare snake medicine to treat others for free. Even when it comes to catching snakes, they are not like those snake dealers nowadays who want to catch them all in one go. They always have their own rules and principles. They also say that these are the first instructions of the ancestors for snake catchers to learn when they learn the art, and they must not violate the rules. Conscience and the laws of nature.
What has become of such a gentle and womanly person under the pressure of life? He is not yet fifty years old. Over the years, he has rebuilt houses, sent students to school, sent his father-in-law to the mountains, treated his mother-in-law, and married his two sons. What kind of things did he not dig out with his hands and carry on his back? Today, there are four generations of a family of nine living under one roof. There is an old woman who is already crippled, a wife who is also sick and crooked, a son and daughter-in-law who are ignorant and ignorant and make trouble, and there are also toddlers and children who are crying for food. Even if we dig day and night, we can’t dig out bricks of gold or silver from those few acres of thin farmland. There are too many things involved, and I can't travel far to work. I have no choice but to trade my health and life in a small coal mine. After being underground for a long time, not only rheumatism, but also the noise alone made his ears almost deaf. If he didn't speak loudly, he could only hear vaguely.
After dinner, warm yourself over the fire.
I listened silently to my great-aunt sighing, listening to her nagging that the sweet potatoes hadn’t been dug yet and the rapeseed hadn’t been planted yet, listening to her talk about the pain in her body and the eldest grandson’s wife’s heartlessness; and she watched the third aunt busy feeding the eldest granddaughter. Eat, wash your face, wash your feet, change clothes, pee, watch the little cousin and his wife pee and change the diaper of their son who is only 40 days old; then look at the smile and forbearance on the third uncle's face, watching He drank sips of wine to numb his body and mind... Only then did he realize the weakness and paleness of language. He searched all the lexicon at his disposal, but could not find suitable and accurate words or sentences to describe what he saw. My mood and feelings after hearing all this.
I felt uncomfortable holding it back, so I went to bed very early, hid in bed and cried silently, watching the whistling wind and rustling rain coming from the roof tiles all night until dawn.
On the third day after arriving at my third uncle’s house, I was planning to go to my grandma’s house, but the weather didn’t work out as I wanted. The rain soaked the world as far as my eyes could see. I thought about the steep climb of more than 1,600 meters above sea level that I was about to climb. Yan was worried, and it happened that his third uncle had a meeting that he had to attend in the afternoon, so he had no choice but to wait another day and try to make it to his grandma's birthday.
Fortunately, the rain stopped on the fourth day. My third uncle rode a motorcycle, carrying me and the box, and climbed up the rock with difficulty. Because he didn’t want to delay deducting wages, he sent me to my grandmother’s house. After he met his parents, he had to rush back to his home. I still have to work the night shift in the evening.
Because before leaving, my third aunt said that my father was ill and they were unable to see me. She insisted that I bring money to my father, but I couldn’t bear to refuse to accept it. The two of them pushed and pushed me back and forth as if they were fighting. I forgot my camera bag on the table, so we stopped the car and waited for my little cousin to bring it to me on his bike. Taking advantage of this opportunity, I tried to have a heart-to-heart talk with my third uncle. He still smiled and said slowly that his income from coal mining was not low over the years, but he spent tens of thousands just to get his two sons married. Because the eldest son was disobedient, he insisted on marrying a daughter-in-law from Shandong. As a result, he received tens of thousands in gifts and gave birth to a child, but he refused to breastfeed the child after birth. When the child was three months old, he ran out and said he was working. She is over a year old and has not called or come back. The eldest son went out to look for her and did not answer his calls. This daughter-in-law is afraid that she will not come back. She also said that the younger son and daughter-in-law may go out to work when the child is one year old. , when the time comes for the two children in the family, I am afraid they will have to choose between farming and coal mining...
I felt really bad, so I persuaded him to be kind to himself and not just think about taking care of the children. , when you get old, sick and unable to crawl, you have to decide whether there will be someone to care for you and whether there will be someone who will not dislike you. He smiled sadly and said that this was the truth, but it was fate, so how could it be possible if he didn't do it?
Fortunately, my little cousin’s car finally arrived, putting an end to the sadness, severe pain and entanglement.
After more than an hour of hard walking, we finally arrived at my grandma’s house. The sun was just right, driving away the haze. Facing his trembling old parents, the third uncle regained his bright smile. After lunch, at around three o'clock, we had no choice but to set off on our way back.
If the meeting with my third uncle was a spiritual shock, then what followed was a rush again and again. In the end, I was defeated and numb to the point of losing the sense of pain.
I went to my uncle and uncle’s house that day. My uncle and aunt are busy selecting tobacco leaves and rushing to pack the flue-cured tobacco. They say that each point only collects tobacco for a few days, and after that, it cannot be sold. There were scattered tobacco leaves in the room, some bundled in handfuls, and some piled in piles. There are corn cobs piled in the corner of the main room, and I haven't even had time to tear off the buds.
My uncle is fifty-five years old, his face is sallow, and age spots have covered his cheeks. Chronic problems in his neck and waist also caused him to lower his head and bend his waist unconsciously. My aunt is still as fat and as smiling, but her round, rosy face looks as if it has been frosted, and the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, mouth and neck have crawled out like caterpillars.
My uncle arranged for my aunt to cook tofu over firewood, saying that I couldn’t eat authentic tofu in the city. They were so busy that I couldn't do it despite my repeated attempts. They always said it was a rare occasion for me to come here. They had plenty of soybeans at home, and they also had an electric grinder, so it wasn't as time-consuming as before. Even so, in order to grind tofu that day, my aunt cooked a meal for several hours and wasted most of the day.
Originally, because of the big age difference and because of my uncle’s silent personality, I was not close to him. I still remember seeing him when I was a child, when he was young and energetic, quarreling with his grandparents, kicking tables and throwing benches. But when my uncle sent me to my grandma's house with big and small bags on his back and returned, I followed him secretly, preparing to say something to him.
Standing under the chestnut tree behind my grandma’s house, my uncle said that he had never been a parent before, so he didn’t know how hard his parents worked. Parents’ responsibilities and hard work. He has three sons. The eldest son is almost thirty and has not found a wife yet. He spent tens of thousands of yuan to learn how to drive and get a driver's license. However, he has no money to buy a car and can only go out to work. He probably will be a bachelor for the rest of his life. The second son graduated from a higher vocational school and joined a big company in Dongguan. He has developed well through his own efforts and has a girlfriend. However, he could not get married after dating for several years. The woman’s family insisted on buying a house in Dongguan first; the third son I followed my second brother in Dongguan. Due to my own limitations, I could only earn more than a thousand yuan a month, which was barely enough to make ends meet. The old couple raised several large pigs at home, and planted seven or eight acres of flue-cured tobacco this year. They hoped to pay off the family's debts and raise some money for their sons, so that they could eventually start a family.
In order to save money, they did not hire any workers during the entire tobacco curing process, and relied entirely on their uncle to carry and carry the tobacco. He said that he had never had a full night's sleep in the past year, and he usually went to bed after midnight. As he spoke, he sighed, sighing, and my heart was torn apart, and then torn apart, until it was broken into pieces. Pile of scraps.
Before leaving, my uncle asked me to help him find out if there was any suitable job for him. He said that he was old and could no longer carry his back, carry it anymore, or stay up late...
< p>I tried my best to agree, but I knew that this would be a promise that could not be fulfilled. I am almost 60 years old, and I have no skills or physical strength. What should I do?The second uncle was already fifty-three years old. In order to support his son’s education and find a wife for his son, he was in debt and had to work in a small coal mine with a group of young people. Although the daughter is married and living a comfortable life, she still has elderly parents and a spoiled child, and she cannot take care of them even if she wants to. So what if my son went to college, money was spent, he was still just a wage earner, he had just started a family, and his child was about to be born, so he couldn't care about others.
During the few days I spent at my eldest uncle’s and second uncle’s house, I really spent only a handful of time with my second uncle. During those days, he was working the morning shift. Every day before dawn, he had to get up to cook and eat, and then walk through the jungle to the coal mine. It was almost four o'clock in the afternoon before he could go home exhausted.
My second uncle is a cheerful and fun-loving person with a loud voice and loves to sing folk songs. I used to often hear his hearty smile and pleasant songs echoing in the blue sky, white clouds, fields and mountains. . He is good at playing the suona and beating gongs and drums. If there is an event in the village, he must be the main player. He is also quick-witted and quick to respond, and he is also a popular guest supporter.
However, this time when I returned to my hometown, I never saw my second uncle really smile. When I came back from get off work and sat in the fire house, my eyelids seemed to be fighting, always drooping listlessly. Even in the face of her granddaughter's naughty sermons, she seemed weak. When he drank with me, he didn't talk much. He was completely different from the second uncle who could control the process at the banquet, nor was he the accountant in the village who could talk, write and calculate.
Every month, my second uncle has to work ten night shifts, ten morning shifts, and ten middle shifts. He also has to take care of the flue-cured tobacco, corn, and soybeans in the fields. Because there was really no time to spare, the corn and soybeans were not finished harvesting. The corn planted after harvesting the rapeseed was delayed for too long and the season was delayed. To this day, the green-hulled cobs are still standing in the cold wind and rain of late autumn. No matter how much the sun bakes it, it will never mature. It can only be roasted and eaten fresh, or cheaply made into pig food.
Second aunt is as thin as ever, her teeth are bad and she can’t eat hard-to-chew things, and her stomach is bad, so she can’t eat hard, spicy or rough food. Every day I'm busy at home and in the field, so it's a non-stop cycle. Now that the daughter-in-law's due date is getting closer, she has to worry about killing the New Year pig as soon as possible, smoking the meat, and sending it to her daughter-in-law who is raising a fetus at her parents' home in Zaoyang. She also has to take care of the confinement and the child for a while. Naturally, the coming and going does not happen in a day or two. At that time, the second uncle was alone at home. When he came back from get off work, he probably wouldn't even have a hot fire, let alone a ready-made meal.
That afternoon I was wandering around in the woods alone with my camera, which happened to be when my second uncle came back from get off work. He had his hands behind his back, his waist was hunched, and his steps were heavy, as if the burden of decades had been accumulated on his feet, causing the dead branches and leaves on the ground to crunch.
Holding the camera, he took a picture of his second uncle’s back. The setting sun reflected the light, and the moisture brought by the continuous rain met with the warmth, forming an indescribable light yellow with purple light and shadow. In this light and shadow, the second uncle walked forward alone. Suddenly, I discovered that his tall and strong body in my eyes and the imposing image in my heart had completely disappeared. All that was left in my heart and eyes was the silent loneliness and powerless loneliness...
The younger uncles are living a better life.
My brother-in-law only has one daughter, the couple are still young, and the family’s financial situation is not bad. I never understood why he still risked his life to dig coal. I tried to persuade him to do so, but because he worked night shifts and had to catch up on sleep during the day, and I was hanging around a few uncles’ houses, I always kept asking him. Not being able to come across a suitable opportunity is another regret for returning home this time.
I am also quite close to my brother-in-law. He is only four years older than me, and I followed him around the most when I was a kid. The night he first arrived, he didn't go to work because he had just celebrated his sixtieth birthday for his mother-in-law (he only had a mute mother-in-law who stayed with him), so he chatted around the fire in the firehouse at his grandmother's house. He has a dark face, thin and raised cheekbones, and teeth that have become loose and missing when he is less than forty years old. The vicissitudes of time have made him look much older than me. I talked about how when I was a child, I followed him to learn to catch birds in the snow, followed him to get clean ice and snow water for people and animals to drink, and followed him to steal corn, sweet potatoes, and potatoes to burn and eat when they were herding cattle... He made the same noise as always With his iconic smile, he responded that there were always endless briquettes to make, endless potatoes to peel, and endless scolding... Since there were many people sitting with him, I couldn't ask him why. Going to dig coal.
But for some reason, he mentioned that he was afraid of eating at someone’s house. I just described the bowl as dark, shiny and slippery, but he suddenly said, “You can still see the snails” "Imprint)", I didn't understand it at first, but after a moment of understanding, I couldn't help laughing. It seems that the hardships and hardships of life have made him age prematurely, but they have not worn away his humor.
However, the mood suddenly became gloomy again. Maybe it was the memories of the beautiful and warm time that had passed away, temporarily covering up the truth?
Because I had to hitchhike, I could only leave my grandma’s house at night. My brother-in-law was still catching up on sleep and had to work the night shift. My aunt woke me up and helped me carry something without even eating. She also asked my fifth uncle to carry me on his motorcycle and sent me to the road where I lived. I went to my sixth uncle's house nearby, then rode back home to have dinner before going to work.
The fifth uncle also digs coal, the aunt works part-time at home, and the only son works in Guangdong. He leads a peaceful life. This time I saw him as a gift was the first time I saw my fifth uncle after returning to my hometown. He was obviously getting older, and he had just drank some wine to relieve fatigue and dampness. His face was red, and he could smell the alcohol when he spoke. For some unknown reason, I had not been close to my fifth uncle since I was a child, and the same was true with my fifth aunt, so I didn't have much to say and was obviously very polite.
My sixth uncle, whose first marriage failed, lives in a two-story small building in Xincheng’s home by the road. I didn't see my sixth uncle working in Wuhan. My sixth aunt just came back from selling flue-cured tobacco that day. She laughed and said that she had picked up 20,000 yuan from growing flue-cured tobacco at home. This aunt looks average, but she is really capable and daring. She just came to the city to learn to drive and got her driver's license in the first half of the year. She bought a BYD car and sometimes ran business. During the summer vacation, I drove my daughter to Wuhan for a long time. I said that I would go to Wuhan later after making arrangements for my daughter. She is one year younger than me, and although she is not my sixth uncle's first wife, seeing the tortured uncle find happiness again is the greatest comfort in returning home this time.
After eleven days away from home, I can finally go home. Aunt Six was going to the county town to celebrate my uncle's birthday, so I took her car. Along the way, even though I was so dizzy from vomiting, I still couldn't help but look back on every moment since I returned home. And in these memories, invisible tears are always flowing in my heart, and silent frustration is always rushing in my chest. For the first time, I feel so powerless and insignificant. Even after coming back these days, this emotion still lingers. The package is so entangled that people feel panicked and they can't find the exit. Just like tonight, it's as dark as ink, the wind is blowing, the air is heavy, and the rain doesn't come.
It reminds me of Ai Qing’s famous poem: Why are there always tears in my eyes? Because I love this land deeply! The land you want to come here should cover your relatives on the land!