However, with our chat, my heart flew to the middle, and I fell to the ground before I could be proud.
She told me that one of her friends is getting married soon, and she doesn't even have a boyfriend now. All along, she has been complaining that she is too bitter and completely unhappy.
So, I gave her a recently read book "Worth Living", hoping that she can find inner peace from this book, let go of some foreign things that interfere with her happiness and become a happy girl.
Is the pretty girl really miserable?
With the absolute C position in the crowd, temperament, superior family background and high education, many hobbies cultivated since childhood have precipitated into skills that bless her ability.
Why can't a beautiful girl feel happy? I have talked to her many times, but she always blames her family background for these problems.
After reading the book Worth Living, you will find that this is not the case.
Jingmei's low happiness stems from her belief that happiness is: I must do what others do; I have to have what others have.
By comparing with others, she rigidly framed herself in an established framework of happiness.
So that no matter how many things ordinary people can't have, even if she achieves short-term goals, she has higher goals to get herself into this unwilling whirlpool.
The book Worth Living in the World tells the 90-year life of Yoko Murakami, a Japanese psychologist. Grandma Yoko insisted on sitting for 70 years and became a psychologist who won the trust of patients and was willing to pour out her heart. She has experienced the war years and the changes of the times, and has rich life experience and medical experience. With the mentality of "no matter when death comes, there is no regret", she unswervingly adheres to the work of a psychologist.
In Yoko's view, many people often judge happiness by comparing with others, such as income, the size of the house, children's school grades, looks and so on. In fact, this is meaningless.
Didn't all my friends' experiences go well? Nothing can make her feel happy and happy from the heart for an instant.
From my spectator's point of view, it is not.
Every time an activity is held in a circle of friends, Jingmei is the most active organizer. She is happy to make a plan for our sudden ideas, which is not very efficient. In this process, I saw that beautiful girl was filled with vitality, her eyes were full of stars, and the breath of happiness emanated from her and infected us.
Pretty girls don't even realize it. She is only happier with others, and then laments her own misfortune.
In fact, whether we are happy or not ultimately depends on our own feelings and needs. It may be a moment or a period of time, which is very subjective.
Beautiful girls should let go of benchmarking with others, explore their real inner needs and experience their happiness.
Each of us is different in happiness. What affects our happiness may be the brightness at the moment when the sun rises, the ripples of the breeze blowing across the lake, the undulating leaves of willow trees blown by the wind, or the rare purple sunset.
Many people ignore these fragmentary and subtle beauty in life.
Why can't we find these beautiful women?
Mr. Jiang Xun said: Because we are now, everyone is desperately pursuing material things, and they are too busy to feel the things around us.
The word' busy' in Chinese is an amazing warning, because' busy' is the death of thought, not the death of mind. The so-called "coming back to be yourself" is to get rid of many external so-called "involuntary".
In fact, this attitude towards life is deeply rooted in the history of China.
Those small paintings left over from the Song Dynasty, you will find that they seem to do nothing all day, as if nothing has anything to do with him. They enjoy paintings, listen to the wind, go for an outing, sleep late and live a simple and happy life.
Even being an official in North Korea is not all about chasing wealth and fame all day. They still yearn for nature in their hearts. When they know that spring is coming, they should look at the flowers and feel the breath of spring.
Have a cup of tea, a little tender leaves, a little water and a pot when you are free, and he can drink enough between heaven and earth.
Or they will meet nature, find an old tree to sit and listen to the wind.
Throughout the Song Dynasty, from the emperor Song Huizong, who liked the blue Ru Ci, to an ordinary literati who was lying in his pavilion thinking about life, they all revealed a very avant-garde and fashionable attitude of "slow life"-not chasing or catching up with the crowd.
When we don't add too much burden to ourselves, we know the meaning and beauty of life better.
"The Worthy Grandma Yoko in the World" also believes that if we set ourselves a framework of "We must be happy in this way", we will be blind, unable to find our own needs and bits and pieces that can bring happiness to ourselves. It's like carrying more and more unnecessary bags, and the pressure is getting bigger and bigger.
When you are young, it is not a bad thing to be motivated by desire, or it is good to work hard.
But with the growth of age, we must learn to know ourselves, and then slowly let go of the extra burden in life, and we will be happy.
Life doesn't have to be too bitter, just accept every day.
Many friends say that life is so long, and our road to the destination is full of temptations, so it is hard to let go.
It's really hard. Even the stone, a romantic figure through the ages, was completely put down after ups and downs and became Su Dongpo.
Su Shi's life can be described as ups and downs: young and promising, his career was not smooth, he worked in Huangzhou, made a comeback, and was relegated.
When he was young, he left the imperial examination. Ouyang Xiu read Su Shi's article, marveled at nature, and won Ouyang Xiu's appreciation. He praised Su Shi's talent in front of others more than once. Su Shi's sudden fame in the literary world of the Song Dynasty was really a horseshoe disease.
But not long after, Su Shi was involved in the dispute between the old and new parties centered on "Wang Anshi's political reform". Although Su Shi, who saw the reality clearly, applied for diversion in order to get rid of the dispute between political parties, the reformists always held a grudge. They used Su Shi's poems against Wang Anshi's political reform to weave accusations against Su Shi. Because there are many cypresses and crows in the official office of Yushitai, which tried the case, Yushitai was called Wutai. Su Shi was impeached for writing poems, so this case is called Wutai Poetry Case.
Su Shi was imprisoned in Yushitai prison at that time, and he even thought about suicide. During his detention, Su Shi's relatives and friends came to the rescue (younger brother Su Zhe, Empress Dowager Cao Zhi, Zhang Dun and others), including Wang Anshi, who had different political views from Su Shi. Wang Anshi, who retired, wrote to Song Shenzong and said, "It is really inappropriate for the holy court to punish celebrities."
Later, Song Shenzong really released Su Shi. But the capital crime can be avoided, and the living crime can't escape, so Su Shi was demoted to Huangzhou. Politically, although Su Shi made a short comeback, it was not long before he was finally demoted to Danzhou, Hainan.
Wutai Poetry Case is a turning point in Su Shi's life. From then on, Su Shi's life fell to the bottom, and he went to Huangzhou after he was released from prison. During this period, he completed the transformation from Su Shi to Su Dongpo.
Su Shi did two things: ① Learn to be an ordinary person. Try to put it down.
Su Shi was an assistant to the training minister of Huangzhou Youth League at that time, but he was deprived of his salary because he was a traitor.
Although Su Shi had a good income before, it was a pity that he didn't save any money, and his life was suddenly embarrassing. With the help of a friend, Su Shi was allowed to farm in an abandoned military camp. Because the land is east of the city, he is called Su Dongpo.
He also built a house with his own hands and named it Tang Xue. I did something I could never do before: I often chatted with the people, ate beef with my friends (it was illegal to eat beef in ancient times), and climbed over the wall in the middle of the night. Su Shi tried to let go of the past and lived an ordinary life in Huangzhou.
1082, one day in the third spring, he was walking on the road when it suddenly began to rain. Su Dongpo didn't hide from the rain, but let it hit him. After the weather cleared up, he wrote a sentence:
Walking in the rain, according to normal life, riding a horse is certainly better than bamboo straw sandals, but Su Shi said: "Bamboo straw sandals are lighter than horses. Who is afraid? " There is also a contrast between two kinds of life, one is the civilian life with bamboo sticks and shoes, and the other is the aristocratic life with fat horses and light hair. After experiencing political ups and downs, Su Shi increasingly agrees with this real and plain civilian life.
It can be seen from here that Su Shi really put it down.
If we look back at the history of China literature and even the history of world literature, 1082, that is, the five years of Yuanfeng in Song Shenzong, should be called the miracle year of Su Shi. During this year, Su Shi created a myth: ① Ding Fengbo, not listening to the sound of beating leaves through the forest; ② Huangzhou Cold Food Post; 3 Linjiang Xian, wake up after drinking Dongpo at night; ④ Thousand Red Cliff Fu; ⑤ Post-Red Cliff Fu; (5) Niannujiao red cliff nostalgia.
Any one of these works is enough to make Su Shi stand on the top of the literati. Why can he achieve so many brilliant achievements in the same year?
Because Su Shi has never forgotten his political ideal, it seems that he can never realize his ideal now. He needs to find an exit to calm his heart and let himself go on. Let go of the ideological struggle, let him produce many classic works.
Putting it down is not a bad way to get it.
Grandma Yoko is a wise man worthy of praise by the world. She believes that it is enough to light up a corner without seeking success.
It is enough for us to release our strength in our own environment and provide warm light for the people around us.
Of course, this is not to ask everyone to pursue such a living method. In fact, the most important thing is that we can seriously and sincerely face the topic of "what kind of people we are".
Each of us uses a different life trajectory, so there is no need to compare with others.
Let go of the extra baggage in life, relax, face your true self and gain happiness!