I really want to sit next to you, hold your hand, pour out the undiscovered love in my heart, and let you feel my gentle affection and mountains of sadness.
I want to put Qian Qian's heart in your arms, and I want to put my longing for Sansheng in your heart, so that it can bloom quietly. I want endless thoughts to fly with you in the blue sky with open wings.
But I know it's impossible, because you promised me nothing. Tagore has a poem; "The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, you don't know that I love you ..."
I still clearly remember the first time we met, when we were in high school. We are in the same class and sitting in the same classroom. You sit in front of me, and your every move is in my pupil. You are very quiet. You sit on the stool almost motionless during a class. In your spare time, you will turn around and chat with my deskmate. Your voice is gentle and sweet, which touches my mood. At this time, I will see your true colors. You have a beautiful face in Zhang Xiuqing, fair skin, eyebrows like a curved moon, and a pair of beautiful big eyes, which are particularly charming. Smiling, my lips slightly open, inadvertently revealing a row of white teeth, especially the small tiger teeth at the corner of my mouth, often make me feel trance ... The sound shuttles back and forth between my teeth, like the tinkling of spring water, which is particularly pleasant to listen to. To tell the truth, there are female students in my class who look better than you, but I don't know why. I just like you. Only you can enter my eyes and make my heart beat and tremble.
There is a large grassland behind the school, and there is a clearing on the side. Weeds are growing wildly and wild flowers are fragrant. There is a drainage ditch near the fence in the east and north of the clearing, and a row of stout poplars grows on both sides of the ditch. When the weather is hottest, it is cool and quiet under the tree, which is a good place for people to calm down and study. At dawn and sunset, many students go there to recite and memorize words. So I will wait for you there. You helped a physically disabled female classmate to walk slowly. When you passed me, you just smiled and nodded gently. Perhaps it is Qing's shyness, so we didn't say a few words too much in countless meetings. A few times you didn't appear in my sight, I would look around and have a feeling of melancholy. For a long time, I was completely influenced by your image and even stayed up all night. I know I have fallen in love with you, and this feeling is so strong that I can hardly breathe. On second thought, I still have to summon up the courage to confess to you. One day I put a note in my book and asked you to meet under the poplar tree. But you didn't respond for days. Did you accidentally lose the note or something? I still don't understand. I'm a little disappointed, but what makes me even more disappointed is that soon, almost overnight, you disappeared quietly into the vast sea of people. Since then, I have never heard from you or seen you.
That year, we just finished high school. You go east, I go west, and our wonderful meeting is over. This is a life tragedy that I can never predict.
We are like two meteors in the sky. When we meet one day, the nearest is the farthest distance. I don't know if you are here for me, but my thoughts over the years firmly tell me that I am here for you, which is true. Although reunion is impossible, I am not a pessimistic person. If we are destined to be passers-by in each other's lives, what can a sad drama show? Then what's the point of my missing trek and wandering?
Somehow, maybe God will take care of me and give me another chance to meet. How would that be a perfect ending? I can't answer it myself.
Your leaving without saying goodbye has brought me endless thoughts and sadness. I have written many poems for this mentality. There is a song "How far is it to hold hands with you", which can best represent my thoughts and expectations for you.
You are a cloud,
Hearing your voice,
But I haven't seen you.
You are a piece of rain,
Soak my body and mind,
But I threw myself into the arms of the earth.
You are the river of lovesickness,
Drifting away with my bitter waiting.
You closed your heart when I was most sad,
Don't listen to my overwhelming moan.
I prayed with my hands folded in the monastery for twenty years.
Did you hear my heartbreaking cry?
I sleep with your name on my pillow at night,
Dawn picked up her bag and pursued it again.
I want to ask you,
If you are an appointment,
Please tell me,
How far is it to hold hands with you?
After graduation, I vaguely heard that the reason why you left school was to take part in the work. Since then, I have never asked anyone for your information. I want to keep this purest and truest love in my heart, because it is a secret in my emotional world. I don't want anyone to know. Just like a bud that has never bloomed, it is doomed to wither without the moisture of sunshine and rain.
I've dreamed about you countless times. Where the hell are you from? And then went there? Are you married? Is he good to you? Do you have any kids？ Is your family happy? How are you doing now? These are all the answers I want to know.
We met but didn't fall in love, just like a meeting on the journey. Looking back on the past 500 times, you and I only got a passer-by in this life.
As an adult, I love others and others love me. Along the way. Love is bumpy. Whenever my feelings are lost, you often appear on the screen of my memory, and you will not shrink back after years.
That romantic love brought me bitter acacia, which is said to be bitter and tired. "Where is the synthesis of sorrow, autumn will keep people's hearts." You are the concern of my life, and you are the cause of all my pains.
"Just because I saw you again in the crowd, I never forgot your face and dreamed of meeting you again by chance one day. From then on, I miss you alone ... "
But I don't regret missing someone. For such a long time, I have never felt tired or given up. This is the stubbornness and persistence of men.
Meeting you is my fate, watching you is my song, painful and happy, and this is life.
Luna Park, a painting, a poem.
20XX in Wuwei on June 29th.