The Art of Conversation
—Translated by Nie Zhenxiong
Vanity gives rise to all kinds of wishes, among which the most common, or the least criticized, is the hope of being able to The art of conversation impresses others. A person may have other talents but not have the opportunity to display them; even if he does not, there is no need to worry that this flaw will be constantly discovered. However, unless you retreat to the mountains and forests, as long as you live in the world, you will inevitably feel proud and angry because of the occasional closeness and separation of relatives and friends around you. Therefore, the ability to make people happy will always be useful. Some people can become the center of attention no matter where they go. As soon as they enter the door, it seems that joy comes at the same time. But once they leave, everyone will feel regretful, as if the sun suddenly disappears in the cold weather in the north, as if imagination has lost its inspiration and joy. Having lost their source, few others can be as often envied by everyone as they are. It is obvious that certain special conditions are necessary to master the subtleties of this valuable art. Our experience tells us that although someone can give people happiness through talking, the amount of happiness they give has no corresponding relationship with their moral knowledge. There are many people who you would never consider important in any other situation, but they will become guests at your dinner table or party. Although you cannot respect some people, you can't help but be happy. Some people, you know very well that they are not learned enough to be a good teacher, and they are cunning and changeable, and they are not good enough to be a good friend, but you are still willing to take a risk and make them your partner. I very much doubt that if you don’t have a little bit of tolerance, you can still be popular and be popular. Few people are happy to spend their time under the aggressive gaze of arrogance, so among those who are eagerly invited to happy gatherings, it is rare to see wealthy and powerful dignitaries. A witty person, if he has a lot of witty words, will force a person who is poor in words to be ashamed to speak; a learned person, if inscrutable, will make it difficult for people to learn from it; a critic, if he will not easily let go of every fallacy; he will be good at it. If a speculative person forces those who are lazy to think to think, and forces the inattentive to concentrate, then nine times out of ten, although they will be praised, they will be feared, and although they will be revered, they will make people feel afraid. People stay away. If you want to make people happy, you can't force others to listen attentively and not dare to express your own opinions in order to show off the exquisite art of conversation, or deprive others of hope so that they can't contribute their own efforts to achieve happiness. The purpose of people pleasing themselves. If we only rely on strange imagination, playful words, and quick responses to make people laugh, then the laughter is often just what the Latins call Sardinian laughter. Although the face is forced to smile, there is no happiness in the heart. Therefore, if you want to be universally welcomed by everyone, there is no better way to talk than through narrative. Those who are filled with anecdotes, secret anecdotes, and eccentricities are rarely unpopular with their listeners. Almost everyone likes to listen to contemporary history stories, because almost everyone has some kind of or imaginary relationship with a certain celebrity, and has a desire to praise or criticize a name with a growing reputation. Vanity and curiosity often work hand in hand. Some people can only listen attentively on one occasion, but on another occasion they are qualified to talk. Although he could not understand a series of arguments and convey the cheerful spirit of humor truthfully, he was confident that he could keep the details of the story in his heart, and he was grateful that with these materials, he could satisfy his wish and dedicate these stories to the world in the future. An uninformed audience. Narrative does not generally arouse jealousy in the audience, because no one thinks that narrative requires any extraordinary ingenuity. Knowing some facts that have not been heard by ordinary people, such a coincidence can happen to everyone; after knowing these facts, it does not seem to be very difficult to relay them to others, and everyone will think that they are competent. However, it is not easy to accumulate enough material to supplement the consumption of continuous narration, and in some cases it is even impossible. Therefore, people who try to indulge themselves in this way can often only please others when they meet them for the first time, because without the supply of new talking points, the story will become unsustainable after repeated many times. For this reason, if you don't find a simpler and easier way, you can't hope to win the praise of a good partner. But mankind is tolerant of all but those who admire true intellectual virtue and the dignity of reason. Therefore, as long as you can be considerate, you can always win kindness in return, and as long as you are not jealous, you can always win the love of others. We are all willing to be the object of others' pleasing, but we are not willing to praise others: we like others to joke or teach diligently in order to win our respect, but we refuse to accept the value or spirit that forces our respect. The people who win the most favor from others are those who are optimistic because their only desire is to make people happy. They laugh heartily and have strong voices. They cheer loudly every time they hear a joke worth laughing at, and respond with bursts of applause every time they encounter something worthy of being happy. Optimists themselves do not need the capital to make others laugh, nor do they have any ability to understand. They just need to be always in a state of joy when they appear. Because generally speaking, people's emotions are either cheerful or serious. They are all infected by others. Once someone sets an example, they can't help but imitate. Next to the optimists are those with easy-going personalities.
Generally speaking, these people are not full of benevolence, nor do they have other noble qualities. Their only advantage is that they are slow to react and emotionally numb. The biggest characteristic of people with an easy-going personality is that they can tolerate jokes; even if they are surrounded by noise, commotion, and foul language, they can still sit upright, unmoved, and unaffected; they listen to every story without expressing any objection. ; When being humiliated, they are willing to endure it without fighting back; no matter how absurd things happen, they will follow closely and go with the flow. People with an easy-going personality are generally the most favored by those with shallow wits, and are ideal candidates for them to practice basic joking skills, because people with an easy-going personality never take advantage of other people's weaknesses, and they will not suddenly retort when they are ridiculed and ridiculed in a way that is not clever. Although he was embarrassed, he was willing to be the laughing stock of others in the midst of the banquet. After the meeting, he was even more proud and thought he was an important role. People who are modest by nature can only associate with a lower level of mediocrity, whose only ability to give happiness lies in never interrupting others. A person who is modest by nature will be satisfied if he just wants to be silent and listen. His companions will sincerely think that his silence is not due to being taciturn, but because he is willing to listen quietly. There are many people who cannot master the general types of exquisite skills, but they also have their own way to please people. With this method, they are like having a pass, and they can pass without hindrance. One of them, whom I had known for fifteen years, was a club favorite. This furniture club meets once a week, and on every party night, as soon as 11 o'clock comes, he sings his favorite song on time, and while singing, he makes various gestures with his hands to create a picture on the wall. Huge figure. Another one always wore a wig backwards to attend friends' gatherings again and again, in order to win their love. There is another person who always tries to blacken the stranger's nose whenever a new member joins the club. In addition, there is another person who relies on meowing like a cat and then pretending to be frightened. Another one barked like a dog and shouted at the bartender to drive the dog out. All of the above are arts that can add joy and sometimes build friendships. Some people may sneer at these arts, but as long as they are used without harming innocent people, please do not criticize them severely; because we all always need to be liked, but we do not always need to be admired.
[Introduction] Samuel Johnson, lexicographer, essayist and critic. Born in a bookseller's family, he dropped out of school due to poverty. He has been fond of reading since he was a child, and has learned a lot about ancient and modern times. He has become an unparalleled British writer. He was generous and devoted to friendship, and his words were full of wit, which attracted everyone. There are many vivid records of interesting life stories in Boswell's "Johnson's Biography". His writing career began with newspaper writing. He worked diligently on writing throughout his life and wrote numerous books. His writings cover a wide range of topics, including essays, reviews, poems, biographies, and novels. Founded the newspaper "Rambler", hosted a literary club, and gathered literati and academic celebrities. It took nine years to complete the "English Dictionary", which became famous all over the world. He compiled and annotated "The Collected Works of Shakespeare" and had excellent editing and document proof skills. His representative works of poetry include "London" and "The Illusion of Human Desire", his novels include "Prince of Abyssinia - Lascelles", and his biography includes "Biography of the British Poet". [Appreciation] Conversation is an art, no matter it is ancient or modern at home or abroad, it is no exception. Confucius said: If words are not written in words, actions will not go far. Liu Yiqing in the Southern Dynasty wrote Shi Shuo Xin Yu. He opened the book with a special chapter on speech and placed it after virtue. Kong Rong was ten years old and his responses were witty. Chen Wei, a doctor in Taizhong, disagreed and said with a smile, "You are young, but older may not be better." Unexpectedly, Kong Rong made a surprising statement and responded: "I missed you when I was a child, so I will definitely become one." This is a very familiar story. History of British Literature: Swift also wrote a famous essay on conversation before. It can be seen that conversation cannot be underestimated, it is of considerable importance in life. Interpersonal communication often begins with conversation. John Jin's own conversation is often hilarious among his friends, so what he talks about in this article is very close to life and can be said to be based on experience. He thought that being good at words could bring happiness to people. However, people with profound knowledge or good taste of algae may not be welcomed by everyone in social situations. Because people don’t come together to receive some lofty lectures or gain insights. Johnson advocated talking that was meant to be fun for everyone. As for the doorway, it seems that the author has done some research. First, you must be knowledgeable and knowledgeable, and your anecdotes must be constantly replenished; second, you must have an optimistic and easy-going personality; third, you must be responsive and considerate. In some situations, it is best to listen attentively, and in other situations, you can be clear-headed. The text itself is quite Johnson's typical style, as the saying goes, the writing is like the person. The structure of the full text is loose, and the topic is used without being rigid. The writing is relaxed and humorous, just like a casual conversation at a gathering with friends. The paragraphs and sentence patterns are relatively short and natural. The section before the end also talks about the communication skills of several acquaintances. The last few words wrap up the previous text. Although the words are exhausted, the meaning is still there.