When you read The Analects, you will find that there is often a word: Gentleman. Until today, we often regard it as a standard of being a man, saying that so-and-so is a very gentleman. But what exactly is a gentleman?
"Gentleman" is an ideal personality standard in Confucius' mind. The word "Gentleman" appeared more than 1 times in the Analects of Confucius with a short span of more than 2, words.
when we sum up all the words, definitions and descriptions of Confucius about a gentleman, we will find that there are probably several levels of requirements for being a gentleman.
be a kind person. This is the first criterion of a gentleman.
the strength of a gentleman begins with personality and heart. His heart is perfect and rich. He first repaired his self-cultivation and then showed a leisurely manner.
Sima Niu once asked Confucius, what kind of talents can be called gentlemen?
Confucius replied, "A gentleman is not worried or afraid."
Sima Niu asked again, "Can you be called a gentleman without worry or fear?"
he may think this standard is too low.
Confucius said, "There is nothing to be afraid of if you look back and reflect on yourself."
When we translate Confucius' meaning into the words of ordinary people, it means "Don't be ashamed to knock at the door in the middle of the night".
A person can reflect on his own behavior without regret or guilt. This standard is low, and everyone can do it. Speaking high is the supreme standard. Think about it, it is really very difficult to make everything you have done stand up to scrutiny. That's why Confucius regarded it as a gentleman's personality standard.
Confucius once seriously discussed the issue of gentlemen with his students when he was giving lectures. He said, "There are three things I can do: the benevolent is not worried, the knowledgeable is not confused, and the brave is not afraid." (The Analects of Confucius: A Constitutional Question)
Confucius was very modest at first, saying that he could not do these three things by himself.
what do you mean, "benevolent people don't worry"?
That is to say, a person has a big heart of benevolence and kindness, and his heart is extremely kind and generous, so he can ignore many details and not dwell on small gains and losses. Only such a person can truly be quiet and calm inside.
what do you mean, "those who know (are wise) are not confused"?
just half a century ago, a person might have lived in a unit all his life, and his marriage would not have changed at all. He might have lived in a complex since he was a child. People's trouble may be that the possibility and selectivity of life are too small.
But in today's society, our pain is not that we have no choice, but that we have too many choices. This is the confusion brought to us by a prosperous era.
We can't control the outside world, only make our inner choice stronger. When we know how to choose, then those worries will be gone, which is what Confucius said, "those who know are not confused."
what do you mean, "the brave are not afraid"?
In the common people's words, it is "when the two powers meet, the brave one wins". That is to say, when your heart is brave enough and open enough, you will have the strength to go forward and naturally you will no longer be afraid.
A true gentleman achieves inner benevolence, knowledge and courage, thus reducing worries, doubts and fears.
Confucius said I can't do these three things. Zi Gong said that "a man is a man of his own accord", but you are talking about yourself!
You see, Confucius told us that the standard of being a man is not to criticize the outside world, but to spend limited time and energy "criticizing" the heart.
A person who is more strict with himself will be kind to others. Today, we always say that people should be kind. Being kind is not cowardice, but that he can tolerate and sympathize with many faults of others and put himself in others' shoes.
Therefore, only a true gentleman can "not complain about heaven and treat others", neither complaining that God didn't give me a chance, nor complaining that no one in this world knows me.
Without "worry", "confusion" and "fear" in one's heart, one will naturally reduce complaints and accusations to the outside world, and thus enhance one's ability to grasp happiness.
and enhancing the ability to grasp happiness is the ultimate goal of learning.
Confucius said, "The ancient scholars are for themselves, and today's scholars are human beings." ("The Analects of Confucius, Xian Wen") The ancients studied to improve themselves, while the modern people studied to show off and please others.
a person who truly respects learning, his study is for the achievement of human mind. Learning from books, from society, from primary school to old age is nothing more than learning an ability to grasp happiness.
Make yourself a knowledgeable, educated and loyal citizen, and then settle down in society. The purpose of learning is to complete the establishment and promotion of such a self-role.
and what is "learning for others"?
It regards the knowledge it has learned as a tool and a skill, so as to find a job and a welfare for itself.
Confucius once said bluntly to his student Zi Xia, "A woman is a gentleman's Confucian, and she does nothing but a villain's Confucian" (The Analects of Confucius is Yong Ye). That is to say, we should think about improving our self-cultivation and don't always think about a little self-interest in front of us.
Confucius never said that being a gentleman should be like someone else. In Confucius' view, being a gentleman means being the best of yourself, starting from your side according to your social orientation and starting from today, and making yourself a person with perfect heart. Because only when you really have a calm mind can you not be influenced by the ups and downs of life.
This reminds me of a short story:
In a small street, three tailors opened three tailor shops, each of which wanted to attract the most customers.
The first tailor put up a big sign that said: I am the best tailor in this province.
The second tailor saw that I was a little taller than him, so he made a bigger sign that said: I am the best tailor in the country.
The third tailor thought, can I still write that I am the best tailor in the world? After thinking for a long time, he finally made a small sign and hung it out. As a result, all the guests in this street came to the third house, and the first two houses became deserted.
what does the third tailor's sign say? It says: I am the best tailor in this street.
that is to say, he put his eyes back in front of him and started from the present, but he was recognized by people.
Do your own thing and be a kind person, which is the first definition of a gentleman in The Analects. But isn't it a gentleman to be a kind person? Not yet.
being a kind person with perfect heart is the premise of becoming a gentleman. But this alone is not enough. In Confucius' mind, a gentleman is not only a good man, but also a great and noble man. He should be ambitious and make great efforts.
Confucius once said, "It's not enough to think that a scholar is a scholar when he lives in a house" (The Analects of Confucius, Xian Wen). That is to say, if all a person thinks about is his own family and his own life, then he can't be a real gentleman.
Ceng Zi, a student of Confucius, once said, "A scholar has a long way to go. Isn't it important to think that benevolence is your own responsibility? Isn't it far to die? (The Analects of Confucius Taber) "
Such a responsibility later evolved into the so-called" every man is responsible for the rise and fall of the world "in China's Confucian personality.
China people's personality ideal is very interesting. Confucianism and Taoism are never completely separated, but two ends of the personality ideal. In the words of Mr. Lin Yutang, everyone's social ideal in China is Confucianism, while everyone's natural personality ideal is Taoism.
This is an expression that we often use. It is called "Poverty is the only way to be immune to it, while attainment is the best way to help the world" (Mencius with all his heart). A man can take the world as his duty when he is prominent, but he can still care about the world when he is embarrassed. This is a gentleman.
After Confucius, there were many famous people in ancient China, and when they were extremely poor, they still remembered the common people.
When Du Fu, a poet, can only live in his hut, which is dilapidated and leaking rain, what he thinks is "there are thousands of spacious buildings, which greatly protects the world's poor people from all smiles" ("The Hut is Broken by the Autumn Wind"), and he wants more people to live in a good house. We will not feel that Du Fu is talking big, but will be shocked by his broad mind and fiery feelings!
Another example is Fan Zhongyan, who thinks that a scholar, whether "living in the temple" or "far away from the rivers and lakes", should care about the people of the world, and should "worry about the world first, and enjoy the world later" (The Story of Yueyang Tower).
With such a broad mind and lofty ambition, it is not difficult to see the influence of Confucius and The Analects.
after reading this, you may have a question: does Confucianism say that "the world is responsible" on the premise of sacrificing personal interests?
In fact, Confucius does not deny the existence of personal interests. On the contrary, such a firm, practical and warm interpersonal theory advocated by him is based on the premise of maximizing everyone's interests and rights. He asked you to do more for the society on this basis.
However, Confucius believed that when pursuing personal interests, he had to take the right path, bent on taking shortcuts, and bent on being greedy and cheap. Confucius believes that it is the difference between a gentleman and a villain to take the right path or a shortcut.
He said, "A gentleman means justice, while a villain means profit." (The Analects of Confucius, Liren) "Righteousness" means "appropriateness", that is to say, a gentleman always follows a proper right path. The villain, on the other hand, attaches great importance to self-interest, and it is easy to go astray driven by self-interest.
So, what are the different behaviors between a gentleman and a villain?
Confucius said, "A gentleman is fond of virtue, but a villain is fond of soil. The gentleman is pregnant with punishment, and the villain is pregnant with benefits. " (The Analects of Confucius in Liren) That is to say, the things that a gentleman and a villain think about every day are different.
A gentleman cares about his moral improvement every day, while a villain cares about his hometown. A gentleman always has a rule and statutes in his heart, which cannot be surpassed, while a villain is full of small favors and petty advantages.
A person thinks about his own family affairs every day, such as how I can buy an extra suite, how I can make use of the welfare housing allocation policy, and how I plan my own food, clothing and shelter every day. This is what Confucius said about the villain's mind. Of course, there is not much fault in this, but it is very dangerous if one's heart is confined to such a little interest and disregards the constraints of morality and law in order to maintain and expand this little interest.
gentlemen always respect morality and the legal system, just like each of us, walking the overpass, crossing the crosswalk and waiting for the red light, all of which seem to bring a little restriction to our lives, but when this restriction becomes mutual respect and social tacit understanding, it guarantees our own safety.
while the villain is greedy for immediate interests, likes to take advantage of small loopholes, and may succeed once or twice, but there is a hidden crisis in it, and he will definitely suffer a big loss sooner or later. Let's take walking as an example. When you see a yellow light flashing between the red light and the green light, run quickly. I feel that this matter is a little cheap. Over time, everyone knows how big the hidden dangers are.
so what is a villain? It is a person who has no big vision and seizes the petty advantages in front of him.
So how to be a gentleman in today's society? I think we might as well start by advocating "perseverance".
We now have multiple choices in our society. Driven by excitement and passion, we are vacillating among many choices, and it is difficult to decide. This is a lack of "perseverance".
When everyone enters the society, they will embrace an ideal and hope to make a difference. But why are these ideals shattered in reality? An important reason is that our "perseverance" is not enough.
if we really have some determination and a broad realm, even if we don't reach the high realm of "perseverance without constant production", at least we are not far from the gentleman.
this is the second criterion of a gentleman.
there is a third criterion for a gentleman, that is, "to be proud but not to argue, and not to be a party in groups" (The Analects of Wei Linggong).
That is to say, a gentleman is gregarious. Although he is solemn and inviolable at heart, he never argues among a large group of people. At the same time, he will never pull gangs and seek personal gain.
This is what Confucius called "gentlemen are harmonious but different" (The Analects of Confucius Zi Lu).
For example, when many people are together, everyone's views will definitely be different. When they express their own views, a true gentleman will listen carefully. He can understand and respect the rationality of everyone's views, and at the same time he can stick to his own. This not only ensures the overall harmony, but also retains different voices. When we say that we want to build a harmonious society today, we want to harmoniously integrate everyone's different voices into the big collective voice.
The villain is just the opposite. He is "identical but not harmonious" (The Analects of Confucius Zi Lu).
In our life, we often see scenes like this: when we discuss something, before the leader has finished speaking, someone will immediately jump out and say, Yes, yes, the leader said it well, and there are a lot of praise words such as strategic thinking and foresight; But after the meeting, he will turn to others and say, hey, what is this leader talking about? I don't agree with him at all!
regarding the difference between a gentleman and a villain, Confucius has another expression, which is called "A gentleman is not good at everything, while a villain is not good at everything" (The Analects of Confucius is governing politics).
"Zhou" is able to unite and take care of many people. He associates with people based on morality, so he has many like-minded friends. No matter how many friends a true gentleman has, he will make his friends feel happy and cared for like oxygen in the air.
The word "Bi" is like two people standing next to each other, which means that the villain likes to form a small circle, and he will not be integrated into the big group.
For example, if you have a Party, a gentleman will make everyone near and far feel comfortable. But the villain, he will hide in a corner with his best friend and whisper, as if they are extremely good.
why is there such a difference? Or is it because the moral realm of gentlemen and villains is different?
Confucius said: "An upright man is open and poised while a petty man is anxious and worried." (The Analects of Confucius), the villain likes to collude with each other because he has a ghost in his heart and wants to seek personal gain and safeguard vested interests through this collusion. This is what the so-called "cronyism" means. A gentleman, on the other hand, is open-minded, because he is calm and selfless, so he can be peaceful and come together with everyone in good faith.
China has always regarded harmony as beauty, but what is real harmony? It is a kind of tolerance and integration for others on the premise of adhering to different voices and different viewpoints. In fact, this is the way of a gentleman.
Because there are so many differences between a gentleman and a villain, it will be very different to get along with a gentleman and a villain.
Confucius said, "It is easy for a gentleman to say. If you don't say it, don't say it; And it makes people also, the device. It's easy for a villain to say something difficult. Although it is not in the way, it is also said; It also makes people want to be prepared. " (The Analects of Confucius Zi Lu)
The Analects of Confucius