Let’s go home
Text/Zhang Guangshuo
Xiao Yang of Guangdong Puning Qinjian School Meixin Campus
Meet
My name is Mu Ming.
Living in this warm small town in the south, with lots of test papers and large tracts of empty space, it is very busy and quiet.
Youran always said to me with a smile, Mu Ming, your name is so strange. When she said this, she opened her fingers and let the sunlight pass through her fingers and shine on the mottled wall inch by inch. I look at Youran as I look at the lost years, Yan Ge and Dandelion’s promise. I know that those days of looking up at the broken sunlight under the shade of trees will never come back again.
The memory of Yan Ge came very abruptly.
I vaguely remember that when I was in the first grade of junior high school, I came out of the bookstore on my bicycle and suddenly bumped into someone. I fell down together with the car. When I got up, I saw the man I knocked down holding the book I bought. He said, do you see this? Then we met. After a long time, Yan Ge told me that he also liked the book written by that junior high school boy. I remember that time when Yan Ge was carrying a guitar, with long hair and a clean smile, and with a little loneliness, he said to me, let’s go home.
In my memory, Yan Ge’s home was very empty, the air-conditioning was very strong, and the dust scattered on the floor had not been cleaned for a long time. I looked at an abstract painting hanging on his wall - a torn bright red heart, broken into pieces among light green thorns. I said, are you the only one in your family? Yan Ge picked up the dust on the ground and told me that his father died and his mother remarried to a rich man. He said, Mu Ming, do you know what it feels like when a person is reading a book in an empty room? I don't know what to do! When he said this, he cried unsatisfactorily, and the liquid dripped on the floor, making it black.
Looking at the sunset outside the window, it is so red. I said, look, another day has passed.
Since then, Yan Ge and I often walked through this small town at dusk, watching the wind pass through the stage that was about to be swallowed by darkness. Sadness squirms quietly, opening and closing; ants crawl up the chest, biting, and there is a dull pain. Yan Ge stood up from the ground, patted the dust on his butt, and said, let's go home.
Despair
The atmosphere in the school is always depressing. The teacher was spitting on the podium, and his head was in confusion below. I looked out the window. Yan Ge was sitting on the steps waiting for me to finish class, with a quiet face. Ten minutes to go. There were students in physical education class over there laughing and joking, and a girl ran over and was talking to Yan Ge. I smiled and lowered my head to take notes.
Ten minutes later I came to Yan Ge, and the girl was still there. Seeing me, Yan Ge gave me a helpless smile and stood up. The girl also smiled, stretched out her hand and said, "My name is Youran, what's your name?" I was a little stunned, I rarely see such a generous girl. Then I shook her hand and said, Mu Ming. Du Ming? Twilight! she repeated, then giggled. (Complete Collection of Compositions) She said, Mu Ming, what a strange name.
In the evening, there was one more person between Yan Ge and me. Yan Ge still looked at the sky so quietly, watching the darkness gradually drown Yan Hong, and then he said, let's go home. go home? Youran stood up and she said, us? She smiled. She said something to Yan Ge, and then the world became quiet, and everything in the air was suffocating. She said, but, I don’t have a home.
Youran is still curious like a child. She stared at the painting in Yan Ge's room, the torn heart among thorns. She said, what is the name of this painting? I looked at Yan Ge, who had his back to us, looking at the darkness outside the window. For a long time, he didn't speak. Youran then smiled and said, "Let me give it a name." Then she thought about it, she said, desperate. despair! She laughed softly. I saw Yan Ge's expression reflected on the glass window. He moved his mouth, but finally said nothing, his eyes as quiet as ever. Youran's smile bloomed into a beautiful wound in the darkness, and the unspeakable sadness was as bright as a peach blossom.
We went to see a movie the next day. I can’t remember the content of the movie. I only remember that Youran cried afterwards because of a dialogue in it - "Mom." "Is the cross a symbol of love?" "Yes, child. And love often means the cross."
Yan Ge sat next to me. Through the gloom, I saw that he was as expressionless as ever.
The other shore
There is no snow in the winter in small towns, but there is cold wind. Youran took us to an alley to eat beef noodles. There was smoke and shouts and quarrels. Yan Ge smiled, lowered his head and said to me, it feels like home here. Feeling like home? Youran smiled.
Yan Ge was still very quiet, so quiet that what he just said seemed like an auditory hallucination. I looked into Yan Ge's eyes, and there were turbulent black waves. The world seemed to have stopped, and the cry of darkness was heard.
However, I know that Yan Ge is different from me after all. His mother can give him a lot of money, and he can squander his youth unscrupulously. And I have a complete family, I want to study hard, and I want to be admitted to a key high school at the end of my third year of junior high school. Even, I have hot soup when I go home, but Yan Ge doesn’t. We are different after all. Yan Ge smiled and said, Mu Ming, will I never find my own happiness? If so, should I give up? I looked at Yan Ge and was speechless.
In comparison, Youran seems to be a little better. She was always receiving love letters from different boys and she would always show them to us while eating noodles. Seeing her laughing happily, I was thinking, this girl will never fall in love with anyone. She tears other people's expectations into pieces and is so cruel that no trace is revealed. I think of that day, she said, I have no home, no! She also said, despair, despair! What a nice name.
But I was wrong, this girl, one evening, she smiled at Yan Ge. She said, Yan Ge, I like you, I like you! She giggled. Yan Ge didn't speak, he was still so quiet. After a long time, Yan Ge stood up and said, I'm sorry... Faced with such a result, Youran will cry, that's what I thought. But I was wrong again. Youran smiled, as bright as a peach blossom. She said, it's okay, it's okay. I saw Yan Ge's Adam's apple shaking up and down, and he stopped talking. Finally, he said to me, let's go home.
Later, Youran did not appear again. We went to look for her, but found that she was no longer in school. It's like a dream. After waking up from the dream, you are already on the other side. But Yan Ge and I were still walking through the streets of the small town, looking at the people and objects passing by without feeling or life.
Split
Yan Ge often takes me to a small bookstore. The owner there is very enthusiastic and he often gives me books for free. We have many books. I put those books in the bookcase, wrote the date, locked them, and looked at them through the window. It was like a gorgeous dream, but it was a pity that it shattered at the touch of a touch.
However, my mother finally broke out. She asked, do you still want to study? She said I really spent all my money on you, how long do you have to waste time? Crime, crime! Then she rushed over and beat me, but I stood still and let her beat me. After a long time, I said, okay, stop fighting, stop fighting. mom! My mother stood in front of me with her hair disheveled, sobbing. I said yes, Mom. Then I walked into my bedroom, closed the door, hugged my pillow and cried.
Yan Ge and I are different after all.
Then I gave in, carrying my schoolbag and wearing my school uniform, walking through every corner of the town, telling everyone that I was a good student. Yan Ge was silent and just walked with me through the dusk after school...
My mother came in with fruit and asked me to finish my homework before doing my homework. I looked at my watch. It was past 10 o'clock, and I thought of Yan Ge again. Thinking of whether he was still looking up at the stars in a dark corner, whether he thought I was by his side and asked me which star was his happiness, or whether he felt quiet despair when he discovered that I was gone.
Finally one day, Yan Ge followed me downstairs. He said, Mu Ming, would you like to take a walk with me? I looked at his face and said, OK. Then, like before, we carried our sad bags and walked in the dream of the town, watching the passers-by hurrying about, and watching the upcoming night begin...
Finally, I said, Yan Ge, you don’t have to come to me anymore, I want to study hard, I really want to study hard. We are different, after all. I need to get into a good high school. So, I have to work hard, I don’t want my mother to worry.
Darkness quickly covered the whole world behind me.
Yan Ge smiled and said he was going to find his mother. He said, Mu Ming, you know, two years have passed and I have become accustomed to living without a home. I realized that I had forgiven her a long time ago. Then he looked up at the sky. He said, Mu Ming, you see, there are some things that you and I need to compromise on. I quietly walked into the dark stairs and rubbed my red eyes vigorously.
Going home
On the day Yan Ge left, I did my homework at home. When I arrived at the airport, I heard a huge roar overhead. Then I squatted down and cried in despair.
Then I received two letters.
At this time, I was already a truly good student. I spend a lot of time doing homework, a lot of time reading, little time sleeping, and little time listening to music.
Of those two letters, one is from Yan Ge. He said he was living well in Xi'an. He said that the dark night in Xi'an was very beautiful, and he would come back and take me to see it when he had time.
I smiled softly, beautiful and clean handwriting, is it you?
Standing up, I remembered the black vortex in his eyes. He smiled and said, let's go home.
And another letter had two strange but familiar words written on it - You Ran. She told me that she was in Shanghai, at her aunt's house. She said, Mu Ming, you know, I finally found my home. I thought of that girl that winter, she said, but I don’t have a home. She said, Yan Ge, I like you...
It’s not over, she said , Mu Ming, do you remember the painting at Yan Ge’s house? The torn heart, the heart among the green thorns. In fact, Yan Ge told me the name of that painting. Its name is love.
There is a cold wind outside the window. I stood up and looked out the window at the rippling lake. Everything has passed, hasn't it?
With such a cold weather, spring will never come.
The sea is on the horizon, bursting with black silent power.
(Instructor: Zheng Chuanmin)