Later, Yu Xiuhua's poems, Moonlight in the Left Hand, Interlaced World and We Loved and Forgotten, sold more than 300,000 copies, making them the best-selling poems in China in recent 20 years. In 20 17, the documentary "Shocking the World", which recorded the divorce process after Yu Xiuhua became famous, also won many awards. Yu Xiuhua once became an inspirational role model, but she said that she didn't want to be an inspirational figure, just wanted to live a good life because there were too many frustrations.
0 1
"I am not reconciled to this fate, and I can't accept it."
1976, Yu Xiuhua was born in a poor but beautiful village in Hubei. She was born with cerebral palsy because of dystocia at birth.
1 year old, she can't sit. At the age of 2, she was still unstable and could not sit up until she was 5. My brother can walk and run, so she can only crawl around the door. When there were guests at home, she climbed to other places silently, just like competing with others, and soon climbed to the ridge.
At the age of 8, grandma carried her to school and was laughed at by her classmates, so she insisted on not letting grandma carry her again. She limped on crutches, even rolled and crawled, and was often killed. Later, someone laughed at her, so she threw away her crutches and learned to walk independently, but she often fell down.
Her speech is a bit vague, and the muscles on her face are always out of control, which inevitably makes people laugh, so she seldom talks to others and her personality is becoming more and more stubborn. Mother said that her laundry was not clean, but she insisted on washing it herself. It was difficult to eat with the food, but she insisted on coming by herself. She was born indomitable. After school, she instinctively studied hard, read books carefully, and tried to prove to others that she was not worse than others.
There is a superstition in the countryside that this is a physical defect in this life, which is caused by doing bad things in the last life. No one knows how much this kind of words hurt a child, just like the most cruel hand, which killed her self-esteem, left a heavy shadow in her heart and made her feel more inferior. Excessive inferiority will bring deep conceit. Fortunately, I met a poem.
"When I first wanted to express myself in words, I chose poetry because I had cerebral palsy and it was difficult to write a word. It requires me to keep my body balanced with the greatest strength, press my left hand and right wrist with the greatest strength, and write a word with a twist. In all styles, poetry is the one with the least number of words, so it is natural. "
Yu Xiuhua began to write poems when he was a student. Only when writing poetry can she feel complete, not incomplete; It is calm and happy, not painful, and receives "special respect" and sympathy. When she wrote a whole diary full of poems and showed it to her favorite teacher, the teacher left a message saying: You are a lovely girl, and every bit of life has become a poem. At that moment, she was particularly moved. She believes that poetry will accompany her all her life, and she will be lovely all her life.
/kloc-When she was 0/9 years old, a teacher gave her 0 because she couldn't recognize the handwriting. Yu Xiuhua burned all the textbooks in a rage and dropped out of school. Under the arrangement of her parents, she married a man 13 years older than him. She had no love and language with him, and soon fell into a quarrel and separation after marriage. After the marriage, the man went out to work, and she was at home, leading the monthly subsistence allowance in 60 yuan, taking care of the children and helping parents with farm work. She wrote 15 reading notes, trained an excellent son, and occasionally wrote poems and published them in newspapers and magazines.
At the age of 33 (in 2009), my son went to middle school. Yu Xiuhua began to stagger to 1 hour to go to Internet cafes to write poems online. She opened a Sina blog and began to publish a large number of her poems online, and was widely active in major forums. The first blog post wrote: "We are cerebral palsy patients, and we use cheap cottage phones, but who can resist my generous heart?" ? Although I am not very clear, I can ignore these words, and it will rush along the Beijing-Hangzhou Canal I dug for it! "
She continued to write, after learning to beg and kneel, after failing to commit suicide, after being fired, after raising rabbits and doing farm work. After writing more than 2,000 poems, 39-year-old Yu Xiuhua was finally discovered by Bole Liu Nian of Poetry Magazine, and her fate turned a new page.
Liu Nian said, "I like Yu Xiuhua's poems, because I grew up in the countryside, I have neglected them, I have been deeply hurt, and I have been knocked on the wall by the secular." . His favorite poem by Yu Xiuhua is my dog, my little witch. He said that Yu Xiuhua's strength was the same as that shown in the poem. It is a force of reluctance and resistance.
02
"What I can't do in this life, I want to write it on the epitaph-let me leave, let me be free."
The 20 years of marriage is also the 20 years when Yu Xiuhua wants to divorce. This marriage was arranged by her parents, and she didn't know what was going on at that time. That man has only a third-grade education. He usually works as a construction worker outside and returns to Yu Xiuhua for the New Year. Parents think that this man is honest and healthy, and it is rare to abandon his daughter, so he adopts him and treats him as a son. Everyone in the village thinks that Yu Xiuhua has climbed the ladder.
But when they get along, they can't communicate at all, and the spiritual communication is zero. He thinks writing poems is ridiculous and never reads her poems. He even thinks that Yu Xiuhua is a disabled person, and it is ridiculous for her to ask for normal treatment. He laughed at Yu Xiuhua's wrestling and often drank. When he was drunk, he shouted for Yu Xiuhua to wash his feet and serve tea, saying: You are disabled, I am normal, and I am much more noble than you.
Once the boss owed him 800 yuan, and he asked Yu Xiuhua to help him get it back. He said: You are disabled, and he dare not hit you. Yu Xiuhua asked, what if you really hit me? He didn't speak. At that moment, Yu Xiuhua felt very chilling. In his opinion, she is not even worth 800 yuan.
Usually when they quarrel, parents always take the side of their son-in-law and blame their daughter for her bad temper. When Yu Xiuhua wanted a divorce, her mother even threatened to die. She thinks her daughter is asking too much. It's always good to have a complete family, and no one will gossip any more. Father also thinks it's better for his daughter to find another one like this? I'm afraid it's also difficult. Therefore, I don't agree to divorce.
For a poetess who longs for love and is willing to die for it, the pain of unfortunate marriage is countless times greater than the harm caused by physical disability and secular vision. She said: "In marriage, he and I are both tyrants and cruel." She even wrote in a poem: I will write on the epitaph what I can't do in this life-let me go and set me free!
After she became famous, Yu Xiuhua's poems sold well. She became rich, and naturally she was going to divorce again. Fan Jian, the director of the documentary "Shocking the World", went to Beijing to do Yu Xiuhua's husband's ideological work, and he finally agreed. Yu Xiuhua gave most of the payment (6.5438+0.5 million) to her ex-husband and bought him a house in the village. On the way back, both of them were very happy. He got the money and she was out of the misery.
Yu Xiuhua's divorce caused a heated discussion on the Internet. Some people say that she dumped her husband after becoming famous and was ungrateful. She disdains: The most correct thing I have done in my life is divorce.
There are also countless people who have written to Yu Xiuhua about their wrong and failed marriages, saying that Yu Xiuhua gave them courage. How many people have been wronged in marriage, preferring to torture each other rather than pursue a new life, thus ruining the happiness of their lives. And Yu Xiuhua said: I am unwilling!
03
"I have never really experienced the love of flesh and soul, and I am still unwilling."
Most of the poems written by Yu Xiuhua are love poems. She smiled and said: What is missing, what to make up. She speaks slowly and smiles naively, like a girl. She never embellishes her pursuit of love and lust, so that some people call her poems "lewd".
She writes about the humbleness of love, such as I Love You: If I send you a book, I won't send you a poem/I will send you a book about plants and crops/tell you the difference between rice and barnyard grass/tell you that a barnyard grass is worried about losing courage/spring.
She wrote about tragic love. For example, in Sleeping You Across Half of China, she wrote: I slept with you through bullets/I pressed countless nights into a dawn to sleep with you/I slept with countless people.
She wrote about the persistence of love, such as "Didn't you see the part where I was covered": How much dust does it take to cover up a woman's bloody but still shining affection?
She also wrote about the sadness of love, such as "The wind blows low and the grass blows low": sedentary/the two clouds are still not together/the wound in the sky is empty/the fresh meat never grows.
Not only love, but also her love for herself. For example, in "Gardenia Blossoms", she wrote: Every year, it comes as scheduled: existence is an expression/no matter how gorgeous/no matter how coming/carrying slowly fading loneliness/dazzling loneliness/immortal loneliness/where do those spurting forces come from? It disdains moonlight/it opens all the time, yes, it opens itself/it hurts/it hurts too much to scream.
She wrote about her love of life, such as "I please the world with pain": suspecting that she is doing evil in this world/swearing at the blooming flowers. I doubt that I love the night/despise the morning/fortunately, some pains can be omitted: being abandoned, being lonely/being taken in by long-term desolation/these, I am embarrassed to say: I really don't love them enough.
She wrote about her love of dreams, such as "But I don't know": I began to believe that I am ordinary, secular/and worthless/I put a word on the long slope behind the mountain/let the leaves cover its body/but I don't know/which leaf's tears/will be forgiven for a whole autumn.
She also wrote about her love for life. For example, in "I just keep living", she wrote: Sometimes I am a dog of life/More often, life is my dog/Being strong is not a good word/In the cross-strait mirror/I can only walk flatly.
Lu Yu once said that when reading Yu Xiuhua's poems, one can't help but burst into tears. Dong Qing burst into tears when watching the program The Reader. She commented on Yu Xiuhua in this way: she wrote the most determined poems with the most wobbly steps/these poems are like sunlight passing through the crystal/reflecting her soul and light/she is not afraid of the harm caused by the injustice of fate/she chooses to release herself in the poems.
Yes, she releases herself in poetry. She writes poetry with all her life and soul. Where did you get only the love of lust, the love of men and women, and all the beauty that you never got! Those come from her vague tongue, from the crooked pen she holds tightly, from her tearful eyes and from her inner dissatisfaction with the status quo, as well as all the beautiful expectations for the future!
She said: "I just think that it is a victory for a person, whether a man or a woman, to live according to his own wishes." However, most of us always entertain so much that we forget what our wishes are.