"Past Events"---Bing Xin
——A few pages of pictures in the history of life
Things that others only vaguely remember,
However, for those with fragile hearts,
it has been repeatedly and deeply
engraved in the hearts of memories!
Just rely on the deep impression,
transfer these past events
on a white paper -
When I recall it< /p>
No search on Xiangxin version!
一
The tree of my short life was cut off section by section, and piled up like discs on the grass of my childhood. I want to pick them up piece by piece and read them; read them with tears in my eyes, read them with a smile, and read them with a short song in my mouth.
It’s hard to decorate every section for him, so plump and beautiful!
I have a friend who often says, "There will be another life in the next life!" - but I say this: "If life is boring, I am afraid of the next life. If life is interesting, this life is already satisfying. "
The first thick circle is the sea; to the west of the sea and to the east of the mountain, my tree of life sprouts and grows there, absorbing the mountain wind and sea waves. Every blade of grass, every grain of gravel, is my first love, the first angel who supported me.
This disc is overlapped with countless happy pictures, playful pictures, lonely pictures, and ordinary pictures of indifference.
Let it go, it’s unbearable to remember!
The second thick round piece is green shade; many of the subtle flowers that express life in this piece are set off by this green shade. Some are rich red, some are light white, and some are indescribable...
The green shade at night, the green shade at morning fog, the green shade under the stars, the green shade under the swing frame of the flower shed on a moonlit night!
Thank you for this song Qupingshan! It captured many of my thoughts.
The third thick disk is not the sea or the green shade. What is it? I have no idea!
If life is tasteless, I don’t want another life. If life is interesting, this life is already satisfying.
Two
Darkness is not haze. I hate haze, but I love darkness.
In the light, everything becomes apparent. Black, white, and white, there are trees, flowers, red walls, and blue tiles; everything is new, there are people, me, and the world.
Praise the beauty of darkness! Sing the darkness! Only darkness can destroy it all and blend it into the chaos of the void; there will be no people, no me, and no world!
In the dark garden, sit with Hua. She couldn't see her, and she couldn't see me either. We just talked deeply. Speaking of concentricity, I didn’t know whether it was me or her who said it. It felt like heavenly joy to my ears - only when a gust of wind passed by and the locust flowers fell like rain, because of the feeling on my clothes and the boundaries of feeling, Only then did I feel that "I" was not "her", and only then did I feel that "I" still existed in the darkness.
Hua handed over a jasmine in the darkness and said, "Put it on. With the fragrance of the flower, even if you stand up and wander around, I will know where you are." - I answered silently. Come over.
Honey, you are still a child after all. Sophora japonica and jasmine are the most visible things in the darkness. In a world where there is no one around me, I must reject this!
Three
"Just waiting, waiting, mother hasn't come back yet!"
The wet nurse opened her tired and droopy eyes under the lamp and said: "Brother Ying! Don't ask me all the questions. Go upstairs by yourself and take a look at the corridor. When two red lights appear inside the mountain gate, mother will be here soon."
I opened the door without a doubt. He opened the door and went upstairs in the dark - looking, looking, but there was no news.
Going around that side of the fence, you are facing the deep black sea and the twinkling lighthouse.
Childish hearts, like those of adults, are bright and clear for a moment - I thought deeply and counted the lights on and off until the eighteenth time. I doubted my assumptions about the fate I had never imagined.
"Life! It lights up and goes off like a lamp, floating in the sea." - I took a long breath of ignorance.
The lamp of life is burning, and the light of love is burning from the two red lamps beside the mountain gate!
Four
I forgot there was snow in the hall, and I didn’t know there was a moon.
I hurried out and turned off the lamp. It turned out that the moonlight was like water!
Only deep snow, faint moon! Cleared paths are clearly visible underground. I walked step by step until I reached the wall, feeling the rustling dead leaves in the snow under my feet. The black shadow of the wall covered me, and I looked up at the moon in the shadow.
The Forbidden City in the snow, the moon in the clouds, the animal heads on the tiles - when I went home, in the car, I felt that these familiar things were so clear and vivid for the first time. Come into my eyes and heart.
五
Every corner of the auditorium was dark, except for neat chairs, lined up row by row in the gloomy shadows.
I sat at the end near the door, stroking my brocade clothes, embroidered ribbons and crown tassels, thinking - I felt very complicated.
The sunset was on the horizon outside the window, one moment thick red, the other moment deep purple, and the light returned to the roof——
The sound of the piano played on the stage. In a circle of light shadows, from the small door on the side of the stage, a dozen angels in white clothes and colorful decorations with loose hair came in slowly, and silently practiced the dance in the first scene on the stage.
I looked at it intently, it was so chic and gentle, the gauze sleeves up and down, and the sound of the piano, beat in time with my heartstrings, how touching!
The lights went out, they all went down again, and I was the only one on and off the stage.
I was originally asked to evacuate and rest, but where could I rest? I think...
After a while, the scene was filled with lights, voices and laughter. How could I know that there was only a thinking room for me before the play?
At the beginning of the universe, there was only one Creator, and everything was in order. He leaned on the high railing and watched the messengers of light, singing and dancing.
In the universe, human beings are here, whether it is tragedy or comedy, there are several scenes of pretending to be sad and funny. The play was over, people dispersed, the lights went out,...it was dark for a while, and there was only endless loneliness!
I will be on stage soon, and I will say a lot of things; naive words, passionate words, farewell words... Are they what I want to say? But now that I’m on stage like this, I have to say this. I went through all kinds of hardships, ventured into the gloomy night palace, and passed through the bright kingdom of heaven, but in the end I still had a big dream in the play.
It is confirmed that it is true - relatively true - that on the road of life, it may be just a long separation in time; but in infinite life, how different are the decades of real life? A moment on stage?
My thoughts were heavy, I was aware and melancholy, and the place became darker.
The door on the side of the stage opened, and a light came out - I have to go down too, God! This is also "born for a big thing"!
I walked the path of life on stage for a few hours...
I stood tiredly leaning on the piano behind the stage - the voices outside the screen gradually became distant. Everyone has been here; tragedy or comedy, my business is over; it is the same from the beginning of the universe to the end of the universe, the road of life is over!
Watch them wash away their beauty and make-up, busying silently.
The clothes on the floor were in shambles, and gold coins and pearl crowns were scattered everywhere. The enemies on the stage are now holding hands and talking; the dear ones on the stage are busy with their own affairs here and there.
I just looked at him - he is the weak one after all! I love these few hours of dreamlike life!
I stroked my hair, stroked my brocade clothes,... "Is life just such an illusion?"
Liu
Han was playing the flute on the corridor, I also walked out.
There was only a faint moonlight in the sky, so I lifted up the fluttering white gauze curtain and sat beside the bed on the porch.
My hand touched a squirming thing. When I looked closely, it was a very long centipede.
I quickly brushed it to the ground with my handkerchief and asked Han to step on it to death.
Han played the flute and just watched silently.
I said again: "You haven't trampled it to death yet!"
He raised his head and his serious yet gentle look made me flinch. He said slowly: "Sister, this is also a life!"
In an instant, I felt endless shame and sadness.
Seven
My father’s friend gave us two vats of lotus flowers, one vat was red and the other vat was white, and they were placed in the yard.
For eight years, I have not seen lotus flowers in the yard - but in the garden of my hometown, there are many; not only those with parallel stems, but also those with three stems and four stems. red lotus.
On a moonlit night nine years ago, my grandfather and I were enjoying the cool air in the garden. My grandfather smiled and said to me, "When the Sandilium first bloomed in our garden, you three sisters happened to be added to our big family. Everyone was happy and said they had accepted the flowers."
I heard the heavy rain in the middle of the night, and when I woke up early it was a cloudy day, which made me feel a little bored. When I looked out from the window, the white lotus had withered, and its white petals were scattered on the water like small boats. Only a small lotus pod and a few light yellow flower whiskers were left on the stem. The red lotus was full of flowers last night, but it was in full bloom this morning, standing tall and graceful among the green leaves.
Still uncomfortable! ——After wandering for a while, there was thunder outside the window, and then the heavy rain came, getting heavier and heavier. The red lotus was shaken left and right by the dense raindrops. Under the unshielded sky, I didn't dare to go downstairs, and I couldn't even think about it.
Calling to my mother in the room, I quickly walked over and sat next to her. When I turned around, I suddenly saw a big lotus leaf next to the red lotus. It slowly tilted over and was covering the red lotus. Above...my restless mood has dissipated!
The rain did not subside, but the red lotus stopped shaking. The raindrops kept falling, and only some weak water drops gathered on the brave and compassionate lotus leaves.
I was deeply moved in my heart - Mother! You are a lotus leaf and I am a red lotus. The raindrops in my heart are coming. Apart from you, who can be my shelter under the unobstructed sky?
July 21, 1922.
Eight
It was the same sea as when I was a child, but it was different when I came back.
We walked slowly down the sloping dirt road - it had rained heavily for several days, and the stream water had reached the bridge deck. Going down further, the sand is very soft. I picked up a stone and sat down, reaching out to gently pat the sea water... My childhood friend, I meet you again!
Nothing has changed: the lighthouse still stands in the distance, the sea waves still advance and retreat clinging to the sky, and there are still people cultivating the peanut garden on the slope. ——It’s just that I changed. With a book on my lap and a pen in my hand, I started to think about the surrounding environment that had never been a problem before.
I actually lowered my head and wrote a few words, then stopped, looked at the sea, and sat too close. When I concentrated, it seemed that the waves were about to float me up.
Time is such a strange thing! My mood has changed once, what about next time? Maybe Hai is using this to reject me, a person who has lost his childlike innocence, and not let me come again.
It’s getting late.
They picked some wild flowers, some yellow and some purple, put them in a book, and walked uphill in boredom. But Hua and Jie picked up many beautiful shells and pebbles from the beach far away, and put them all in In the basket, I just stood by the bridge and waited...
They were just like me back then. When they come back, will they feel the same way I do today?