A college roommate has repeatedly expressed his admiration for me, saying that I am in a good mental state and have never seen me upset and sad because of anything that we have been together for so long.
I didn't refute or agree.
I don't know if it's because I'm used to laughing on weekdays, and my classmates around me think I'm the kind of person who won't be depressed and have no troubles. I'm actually glad they have such an illusion. After all, it shows that my mood is really getting better and better.
Now, I believe that as long as I don't speak out now, no one will believe that I used to be a very different person from these comments.
I have been worried about my family's incomprehension, my friends' opposition, and my academic performance. What's more, I'm so confused that I doubt my life, I don't know where I am, and I've degenerated into self-abandonment.
In the eyes of my friends, I was "not sad or upset". I once fell in love with sad movies and novels and soaked myself in a tear bottle all night, unwilling to see other people's smiling faces.
In the eyes of my friends, I am "humorous and know how to live". I used to be so fragile that I dared to stay indoors and not touch the sun.
Looking back now, I really feel that I was stupid before.
However, it is because of such an unusual time that I have this self who loves life and sunshine.
Thank you for what I have paid. I am fine now.
Today, I have learned to take a lot of things around me lightly, and I have also realized the truth of letting the past pass and the future come, so I won't care about many things in the past.
Needless to say, you have been stupid, you have been wrong, you don't have to worry about the bumps you encounter and the cowardice you show. Just believe that a person's suffering will become his income and know that you have been growing.
I don't regret every choice I have made, and I don't regret many things that have no results. My attitude towards the past has never chosen to escape. I just occasionally feel sorry for myself who has experienced many setbacks and detours when I recall.
If I can, I just want to say to myself: I'm sorry, I left you covered in scars and suffered a lot.
It seems that I have been a quiet person since I was a child. Many times, I would rather stay at home and play with my own stones and dolls than play games with my friends. Day after day, year after year, I never feel lonely or bored.
So although I have many friends when I grow up, sometimes I prefer to be alone. I like talking to myself, and I like the moment when I communicate with myself. I think this moment will give me warmth and courage, and let me go forward without fear of the road ahead.
But I don't know if it is because I like someone. I always feel different from others. Different thoughts, different practices, different worlds.
It seems that since I was a child, I was a person who would think more than other friends. I always have countless doubts, and there are always many things I don't understand. Just like I don't understand why so many people don't know the common sense of life, why some people like to do things that harm others and don't benefit themselves, and why some people can be complacent when they do things that harm others and don't benefit themselves.
Up to now, I have met many people on the road of life and passed by many people. Someone gave me charcoal and someone gave me frost. No matter what I meet, I still move forward hopefully, even though I am only accompanied by my own shadow and my lonely courage on this long road of life.
Sometimes I have to admire my own strength, because no matter how bumpy the road ahead is, I can overcome difficulties and forge ahead.
I met my deskmate in high school two days ago, and the time was not long. We haven't seen each other for five years. When we met again, all we told each other was: we are all changing, and we have not changed.
Who won't change along the way? This is normal. It's just that it's rare for two long-lost old friends to sit together and chat without alienating each other. At that moment, time seemed to go backwards for four or five years. We are still the two little girls who like to wear ugly blue school uniforms and sit in the high school classroom watching the rain.
It is she who always listens carefully and takes notes, and it is me who always dozes off in a daze.
All are plain faces, all have hair longer than the waist, and all are girls who are not good at words.
Time keeps pushing people away, and now we meet again. We are all missing our long hair, shaving with light makeup and smiling at each other, but we are sure that the other party is still the same. She is still so diligent and rigorous, and I am still so sloppy.
I've been changing. If I really want to say that there are still some places that haven't changed, then these places are what I don't want to change. I like this kind of myself, I am grateful for this kind of myself, and I am grateful for this kind of self who can persist tenaciously and turn around quickly.
If I can, I really want to say to myself: thank you for accompanying me to today.
I have traveled so many unusual roads and experienced such a long gray time that even my friends around me can't imagine it, but it is unusual to always say these words to myself.
Life is like this. What used to be important is not important now, what used to be uncomfortable has passed unconsciously, and what used to be unacceptable can now be accepted slowly ... but it is all ordinary trivial things and there is no need to be widely known.
When I was leaving, my old friend said, nice to meet you. I said, I am happy to think of you. Then I gave my old friend a hug, said goodbye, smiled and sent her to the car, watching the car go away, and then I turned around with my usual chic posture.
The sun is in front of us and the shadow is around us.