At first, I only had a secret crush on him once or twice. Maybe I was possessed by ghosts, but the secret crush never stopped, which is doomed. He often works the night shift. I learned to stay up late for him. I always talk to him late. Although we stopped talking, the habit of staying up late fell behind because of him. Of course, this is another story. At that time, when there was no work, I would lie in bed and leave a message for him, and then wait for his reply eagerly. Even a few words can make me jump three feet on the bed like a dead body to refresh the chat page.
I am an introverted girl and always spend more time giggling than talking to strangers. But as Tagore said, "Silence is a virtue, but silence in front of the person you like is cowardice", I take this sentence as the truth. So in the time when I haven't confessed, I am most afraid of being regarded as a boring person by him. In order to talk to him lukewarm, I can't wait to turn over hot reviews day and night, write down all kinds of hot searches, learn all kinds of sweet words and witty remarks for him, try my best to erect "interesting" people and hide my true self like an artist. At that time, I seemed to be covered in words-I was super funny, look at me!
Before that, I didn't know much about romance, but I was able to give up who I was, resist shyness and chat with him about love stories for a day and a night. In fact, my heart is very pure, and I don't intend to please. I just think those beautiful words should belong to him, that is, to him. At that time, I didn't expect that he would fall in love with me at first sight, nor did I think about how to make him love for a long time. There were people coming and going in the restaurant, and all I knew was to sneak a look at him.
As a newcomer in the workplace, the fast-paced restaurant work caught me off guard. I tried to do my job as well as possible, but I made mistakes everywhere. When I was most confused, he approached me. He patiently and meticulously guided my work, and with his help, I gradually settled down and kept up with the pace of work. Serious men often need not say much, and naturally they will have a unique gas field. After work, I watched him change his work clothes, nodded to me, said "See you tomorrow" and pushed open the door and went out. After I froze for a few seconds, an inexplicable throb rose in my heart. Although we will meet again tomorrow, it makes me leave what I arranged halfway behind and chase it out without much thought. I was out of breath when I ran. He stopped and turned around when he heard something behind him. When he saw me panting, his face was full of surprise. My heart skipped a beat when I met his eyes. I mused, disappeared without a trace, opened and closed my lips several times, and finally stammered to him, "What's your name?"
Van Gogh wrote to Tiao: "Everyone has a fire in his heart, and passers-by only watch cigarettes." At that moment, I was sure I saw the flame in his heart, so I came quickly, for fear that if I slowed down, he would be submerged in the dust of years.
Maybe the light of the street lamp was too gentle that day, which made his eyes bright and made me mistakenly think that the light in his eyes was also because I saw the fire in my heart.
Before I met him, I always felt embarrassed to admit that I like someone, just like Enemy at the Gates, when you are not interested, you confess first and surrender yourself. But as the saying goes, hormones decide love at first sight, dopamine decides to last forever, adrenal gland decides not to shoot, and self-esteem decides who speaks first. The older generation has been educating me that girls should be spoiled and not too active. Eight points of love, one point of back road, one point of dignity. But I put a lot of love on him without hesitation, so brave that I don't even like myself at all. Although I had a hunch from his lukewarm reply, I didn't expect his refusal to be even more than my confession. He told me that my current idea is just a whim, and there is a new life circle waiting for me. Let me let go and forget it before it's too late. Afterwards, I turned over the pages of chat records, only to find that most of them were talking to themselves, and those red-faced love words looked like stupid jokes after being politely declined. I dare not cry, because the day after I was rejected, I will go to work and see him again.
The next day we passed by, and I smiled politely, and he smiled back. I faced him silently. In his eyes, except that I became silent, it should be nothing. He won't know how many unspeakable words are still in my heart except those sent to him. Behind that understated "I know", how my heart revolves around him.
Why him? In fact, he doesn't meet my mate selection criteria at all, but after falling in love with him, he thinks I like everything. A well-understood love must not be true love, because I'm not sure what I like about him, so I just like everything about him. I thought I would remove these filters after being rejected. Maybe he will become an ordinary passer-by in my eyes again. But after a long time, I still remember him well. I remember that he helped me get my work on the right track, and finally got the manager's approval and passed the assessment period. Even his tight-fisted and seamless refusal, I think it is his unique gentleness. I remember he took great pains to persuade me to put it down in time. Long-term pain is better than short-term pain. Look at the outside world more. I remember him helping me cope with unreasonable customer requirements, remembering his personal demonstrations of patient cognition again and again, remembering that he was afraid that it would be unsafe for me to go home alone after the night shift and insisted on escorting me ... I remember his kindness too clearly, and even the time wasted waiting for him to rest at night was better than other times, more like time.
After the holiday, I went to the university to report. New social circle, new life, new everything, I thought I would adapt well, and then I would soon forget this person. Until my roommate asked me if I liked anyone, I instinctively replied, no, but his face came to my mind, so his figure became clearer and clearer in my heart. I thought nothing was impossible in this world. If my grades are not good, I can try my best to brush the questions to improve my grades. If my PE is not good, I can run and squat to exercise. If I don't look good, I can learn to make up, learn to make up, and even adjust it with a knife. Almost anything can achieve the desired result through hard work. But he doesn't like me. It's just that in this case, I'm not even qualified to work hard In fact, I want to do a lot of things in exchange for his look back, but in fact, no matter how much I do, it won't change. What makes me sad is that I can't do anything. I can only think between dull and tasteless lives. What is he doing at the moment? He won't remember me yet.
There shouldn't be so many unreasonable thoughts in life, but as long as I think of him, I am gentle now.
So although college life is on the right track, I will still miss him and want to see him, so I will habitually pass by the restaurant where we used to work together. He was still working in it, but I happened to pass by the door and took a look inside. I won't ask to see him. Not because of pride. After all, I have lost my self-esteem in front of him. How can you talk about pride? But because it makes sense for us to meet only when he wants to see me.
Sometimes I think for no reason. I hope he can have a girlfriend like me, so that he can always remember me. I am also afraid that he will eventually have a girlfriend like me. If you like me, why don't you like me? After understanding his ideas, I left his Fiona Fang for several miles. I can accept that he doesn't like me, but he must not hate me. But sometimes I think those charming little thoughts should have the right to tell the people I like.
I like you, and I do. I didn't lose, I just like you. Whether it was worth it or not, I did it.
When I was just rejected, I had a long and fierce psychological struggle with myself every day to convince myself that he actually liked me a little, maybe he was just worried that I was still young. The consequence of self-deception is that it will take longer to accept the later reality. Suffering again and again made me understand a truth. What really makes me sad is not that I made a sincere mistake, but that I always hope that the wrong person can love me with the same sincerity, which makes me so sad.
But since he doesn't like me, I finally decided to put aside everything related to him and start quitting the habit of staying up late for him. I still remember that I formed this habit because I wanted to work the night shift with him. Every time I chat with him at night, I feel morbidly that staying up late with him is like a chronic double suicide, with a tragic romance like a moth. And two people who can * * * double suicide must be in love.
Habit is called habit because it is difficult to change. It was hard to fall asleep at first. Even if I finally fall asleep, I often dream. I dream of death, and he is still in my dream. You know that the middle of the night is the most fragile time for a person's spirit, and people can't control their consciousness at this time, so those subconscious minds hidden in the daytime will wander uncontrollably in my mind, like lucid nightmares. Once, after tossing and turning for hours, I couldn't help but press the phone that lit up my pillow and squinted at his chat avatar.
hope you ...
Miss me (delete)
Like me (deleted)
Tell me what happens to you every day (delete),
Always happy, send.
Touching the pillow, holding the mobile phone, I fell asleep in a daze. When the mobile phone received the message, the slight vibration was like 100 thousand volts, which woke me up. It's clearly displayed in the dialog box, ok. I know everything else, except that I fell asleep blindfolded.
I remember reading a passage in a book that said, "The night will never be dark. In the dark, acacia flowers are still red. The fluffy wisteria is still purple and white, which has nothing to do with night or day. Just like, I miss you, it has nothing to do with night or day, it has nothing to do with sunny and rainy days, and it even has nothing to do with whether you know it or not, although I will try my best to let you know, and I am very happy to think of it here. " At first glance, I just think this statement is melodramatic and the most boring and lazy way to express my feelings. I don't know, I don't know what I liked at first sight, but goodbye is already a man in the sentence.
Because you are young, you will meet people you can't love, or you will be disappointed, and you will inevitably be stupid. It's nothing. You have to go through it before you know what you really need. You can reflect more and become better. This thing of love, time is critical, and it is not enough to know it too early or too late. But it's never too late to know someone. If possible, I also hope that all the whim can last forever.