"Self-consistency: Looking Inward in Uncertain Days" is written by Shi Xinyue, a lawyer. This book explores the thinking path of young people who actively explore inward when faced with choices and deal with the relationship between themselves and the outside world. It tells readers how to live in harmony with self and inner conflicts. This is a personal growth book, but it is by no means an empty chicken soup for the soul.
"Self-consistent" is a popular word, which comes from the English "self-consistent", which literally means "self-harmony and self-consistency". A self-consistent person can objectively understand and evaluate himself, accept himself calmly, do not blindly follow the crowd, be confident and honest, maintain a stable attitude in the face of the advancement and retreat of life, and always stick to his own direction.
Simply put, self-consistency refers to an inner sense of comfort.
How can we achieve true self-consistency?
1. Knowing oneself is the starting point
The writer Nietzsche once said: "As long as a smart person can know himself, he will lose nothing." Mr. Zhou Guoping also once said: "Knowing "Myself, everything in the past has an explanation, and everything in the future has a direction." It can be seen that understanding oneself is the beginning of human wisdom becoming mature.
Knowing yourself happens all the time. From a very young age, we all feel what we like and what we don’t like. But to truly understand yourself, you need to stabilize your personality after adulthood, and then you can definitely know your own nature.
To understand yourself, you must first understand your objective self, that is, your genes and physical conditions, your family and the small environment in which you grew up, the general environment of your region and era, etc., and more importantly, you must understand your subjective self. The subjective self is your own interests, hobbies, personality, temperament, and way of thinking. The subjective self is the real self, and the subjective self is sometimes difficult to grasp, just to figure out where you come from, where you are now, and where you plan to go.
Only by knowing yourself correctly can you accurately position yourself and find the direction of your life. The novelist Milan Kundera, who made a sensation in the literary world with his novel "The Unbearable Lightness of Being," was a poet before becoming a novelist. He had no amazing achievements in the field of poetry, and he wasted several years in vain. It wasn't until he wrote a short story at the age of 30 that he finally realized that he was more suitable for novels, so he resolutely embarked on the path of novel creation, and this is how he wrote the world-famous "Unbearable The Lightness of Being".
2. Self-acceptance is the key
Maslow said: "A self-accepting person can accept himself and others, and will not be troubled by his own or others' shortcomings. Embarrassment and anxiety. They can accept their current situation calmly, including their own needs, levels, and desires. They can also be tolerant of other people's weaknesses and problems and live calmly. ”
Accepting oneself means. Value yourself unconditionally, no matter your strengths or weaknesses, value everything you have. The author takes himself as an example. After many years of pleasant or unpleasant experiences, he realized that he hates pressure and is insensitive to money. He is only willing to do things that he is interested in and likes. He has no spirit of facing difficulties and has nihilistic thoughts. Shortcomings such as not being aggressive enough. If he is unwilling to admit these "shortcomings", he will be very stubborn and have to adopt a posture of "I am not like this"; however, when he accepts that he is like this, things become easier to handle. For example, if he hates pressure, then think about what the source of pressure is, how to dismantle and deal with pressure when it comes, and what common mistakes he should be careful not to make under pressure. In this way, he is still the same person who hates pressure, but he is more calm when facing pressure.
So, either change yourself or accept the reality, otherwise you are asking for trouble. And true maturity is to change what you can change and accept what you can't change.
3. Self-improvement is fundamental
All changes in the mind must be implemented into specific actions. If you want to be self-consistent, you must improve yourself on the basis of understanding yourself and accepting yourself. This is the only way to achieve change.
The author believes that there are the following ways to improve yourself:
The first is to find a life mentor
The growth process of a person is a process of continuous inspiration. If the person who inspires us takes the initiative to point out some truths to us, we can call him "advice from an expert"; if he sees someone's shining points and experiences and learns from them, he can call him "the power of role models".
Expert guidance is not to explain specific knowledge and technology to us, but to point out the current growth position from a higher and broader perspective and point out the future direction.
The role model inspiration has two functions: the primary function is that when you see the advantages in him, you try to learn from them; the advanced function is that when you don’t know what to say, what to think, and what to do, When doing it, bring in your role model and think about what he would do if he faced the same situation as you.
"When three people walk together, there must be a teacher from me." Getting guidance from experts and looking for role models are the key to self-growth that are inseparable throughout life.
The second is not to set limits for yourself
Opportunities are all tried, not imagined. It is not advisable to be scheming and unresolute.
How can it be "cut off"? It's all about action. Action is the best antidote to the anxiety of choice caused by too many ideas.
As everyone progresses on their career path, they will always enter different stages, come into contact with different fields, and interact with different colleagues. Even if they are in the same unit or department, we should always use "exchange". Look at people and things with the mindset of "working". The content of the work is not static, and the majors learned cannot be held on to for a lifetime. If you have the opportunity to learn, learn more and try more. Don't be afraid of difficulties and don't be conservative. Switch when you need to. Everyone can have such determination and adaptability within their own abilities, or even slightly beyond them.
The third is to do more useless things
Zhuangzi said, "Use useless things to make great use." The richness of life is not defined by usefulness and uselessness, or it is those useless things that make you an interesting person and make your mind calm and abundant. When people reach middle age, they need to make subtractions in life, but mentally they need to make additions. Do more useless things to relax the spirit and calm the soul.
Maybe you won’t become a photographer if you study photography, but as long as it allows you to perceive the existence of beauty; maybe you won’t become a painter if you study painting, but it can enrich your spare time life; maybe You may not become a marathon runner by running, but it will allow you to feel the joy of progress while running forward; you may not become a writer by writing, but it will allow you to calm down and start a dialogue with yourself.
As Liang Wendao said: "Read some useless books, do some useless things, and spend some useless time, all in order to retain an opportunity to surpass yourself outside of everything known. Some things in life Amazing changes come from moments like this. ”
Everyone, throughout their lives, is looking for a state of self-consistency, a state in which they can achieve self-balance and determination. But looking at the fundamentals, if you want to be self-consistent, you must first overcome yourself.