If there are any shortcomings, I will give two examples:
1, lack of emotion, poets are always called crazy because their emotions are particularly warm. Only when they are really worried can what they write make readers worry.
Ten years of life and death are two boundless, disapproving and unforgettable. A lonely grave thousands of miles away, desolate and nowhere to talk about. Even if we don't know each other, our faces are dusty and our temples are frosty.
At night, I suddenly dreamed of going home, and the window of Xiao Xuan was being decorated. Care for each other without words, only tears thousands of lines are expected to break the heart, and the moon and night are short and loose.
This is Su Dongpo's Jiangchengzi. Just a few words describe the deep memory of the deceased, and you can't write it without deep feelings.
2. Lack of spirituality. When writing poetry, especially modern poetry, spirituality is very important because modern poetry is not bound by rhythm. If there is no spirituality, it will become vernacular.
What is spirituality? For example:
I remember that day, I borrowed your new car and I dented it. I thought you were going to kill me, but you didn't.
I remember that day, I spit strawberry cake on your new carpet. I thought you would hate me, but you didn't.
I remember that day, I forgot to tell you that you had to wear a dress for the dance, but you wore jeans. I thought you would give up on me, but you didn't;
Yes, there are many things you haven't done. You tolerate me, love me and protect me.
I have a lot to repay you when you come back from Vietnam. But you didn't.
(The writer is an ordinary American woman. Her husband was drafted into the army and went to Vietnam. Later, he was killed. She was a widow all her life until she died of old age and illness. Her daughter found this poem written by her mother to her father when she was sorting out her relics. )
The last sentence "but you didn't" is spirituality.
Finally, I want to say that there are indeed many so-called poets whose poems are written on the basis of gorgeous rhetoric, without emotional passion or spiritual statement. This is probably the reason why poetry is forgotten and ignored. I think that kind of poem is not as good as your simple poem.