Are you still alive, my mother?
I am alive, too. Say hello, I wish you health!
May the indescribable twilight glow
always overflow on your hut.
The letter said that you are deeply worried about me,
your heart is full of sadness,
you are wearing a shabby and out-of-date coat
wandering on the road again and again.
In the blue darkness at night
You always see the same scene-
It seems that someone stabbed me in the heart with a Finnish knife in a bar fight
.
nothing, dear!
don't worry, it's just a sad dream.
I'm not such an unfortunate drinker.
I died in a muddled way and never saw you again.
I'm still as gentle as before.
I only have one wish,
that is, to leave the troubles more quickly and
return to our low little room.
I'll be back. When spring comes,
our white garden stretches out the arms of green branches again.
Just please
don't wake me up at dawn, as you did eight years ago.
Don't wake up my dream,
Don't feel uneasy about my unfulfilled ambition-
I have experienced
premature injury and fatigue in my life.
don't teach me to pray, you shouldn't!
I am no longer attached to compensation for old things.
You are my only aid and comfort,
You are my only indescribable light.
Then, forget the pain you care about,
Don't worry deeply about me,
Don't go to the road so often,
Wear an out-of-date coat, which is worn out.
May there be no more pain in heaven!
May those who are still alive be healthy and safe!
I first met Ye Saining's poem, probably in 1998-99. With the encouragement of my Chinese teacher in high school, I read too many books and many poems. I like Haizi, Gucheng, Beidao and Wang Guozhen, Shu Ting and Liu Bannong. Like everyone else, I like Pushkin's If Life Deceives You, and I like Pushkin's, especially moved by Pushkin's duel story.
Unfortunately, I somehow saw Ye Saining's poems and knew the love story between Ye Saining and the dancer Mrs. Duncan (I don't know why, I didn't like love stories at that time, but I liked Pushkin's and Ye Saining's love stories, perhaps tragic. )
However, I don't know how I saw this song "Letter to Mother".
The first feeling is so real, like the inner dialogue between a child and his mother. Especially for me, it feels even worse. It was a feeling of short meeting, because I was still young, and I didn't begin to understand a little about my mother's remarriage, but I was not satisfied that she didn't support me to continue my study in high school and college.
As it happens, this poem appeared. I read it many times because I wanted to squeeze out the depression in my heart, because I always felt that I wanted to be like my sacrificed father, someone who would be remembered and warm others in the future.
However, the road to study, the road to work and the road to love are really not so lucky and inevitably not so smooth. After all kinds of experiences, I will still think of Ye Saining's poems many times, although I often hope to read poems to make myself more active and stretched. It is not easy to read Ye Saining again, because I am a husband and a father. Later, I can't bear to read this poem.
my aunt is also a mother to me. Although, she also got some bad reputations because of me, for example, because of my existence, my sisters and brothers were often not allowed to wear new clothes and decide their own growth path, and because of family constraints, she arranged for me to go to the municipal government for help and petition when I was fifteen or sixteen years old. In fact, I hoped to relieve the pressure on my uncle at that time. After all, my three children had already embarrassed my uncle as a teacher. And my joining, especially the cost of study and living in high school, has added pressure to this family. So, when I crustily skin of head into the municipal government and the municipal committee compound, I actually resisted, but I also knew that there was no better way, and I was an orphan.
in fact, although sometimes I am a little dissatisfied with my words, I am still extremely concerned about it in essence. I didn't miss a child's happiness. Compared with the same age, compared with the same town. Especially compared with the only children of other teachers in the school compound, I am not bad. So, I know, I have no reason to hate, if I hate, I can only hate myself.
Happy days are short-lived. After I graduated from college, my retired aunt suffered a stroke and a cerebral infarction, and her health went from bad to worse. However, for various reasons, I didn't go back often (at first, I wanted to stay as far away from home as possible and go to Xinjiang where my father died, but later, because of various disappointments in life)
Even if I did, I could only try to have dinner and walk with my family at home. From the previous Spring Festival, I went back to give my uncle a red envelope, and also gave my aunt a red envelope. By the last time I went home, I could only give it all to my uncle.
During the Spring Festival, the epidemic caused life to stagnate. I saw too many stories about where will you go in Hubei. I was worried at that time, and I was glad that my family was all right. However, I still received bad news, especially knowing that I could no longer eat, and my body suddenly lost weight. Even my sister easily carried her. I still hope that I will get better. Of course, I have thought about it in my heart. Perhaps, liberation will be a better choice for this family. After all, for more than ten years, my uncle's hair is gray, his body is rickety and his steps are trembling. He is a long-term patient and a long-term hard worker.
Last night, it rained with tears again. I think I should go back to see you, and even more, I should go back to spend time with my uncle.
However, my uncle, brother and sister all said that under this epidemic situation, you should come back for nucleic acid testing, and then you should do it again before you go back. You have your own business, so don't come back.
I know, it's hard for me to decide, especially to go back. I'm trapped in my real life and I'm tired.
I also want to go back, even want to go back and get rid of my difficult life and work for a short time.
At night, it rains harder and harder.
That's my tears, too.
I hope there will be no more illness in heaven.
My son is crying thousands of miles away.