Ordinary families have a common vision. In the small county towns of coastal cities, a famous conservative province in the north, the information is blocked and there is no way. Everyone takes the College Entrance Examination too seriously. My family is fine. Growing up, I have been under constant pressure, but at the critical stage, I haven't worked so hard. Everyone is result-oriented, which seems to be not the worst choice, at least. Of course, we can't blame all this on our family background. Later, I did a lot of work myself.
In short, it is always scary at that stage. When drinking water, you should unscrew the bottle cap and pause for a second to avoid choking things too quickly. In order not to affect the realization of grand goals, we must be careful everywhere and not be defeated by small things. Strangely, when I am afraid of things that look bigger and farther away, I have to weigh the things around me that look really irrelevant again and again. The word "all plants and soldiers" is more suitable to describe the state at that time. It seems peaceful and sunny, but every day there are two words hanging over me: "fear".
It's very different from the present situation. At that time, I didn't know if there was anything, so I "believed". This is really related to the fear at that time. I still don't know where things will go if there is no image much stronger than that of me who was weak in those years.
Pray every day, read the Bible, and force yourself to keep calm. At that time, the evil influence of fear and the energy of faith were working in my body. In addition to the Lord's prayer, there is also a poem that has become my spiritual pillar-John Bhajman prayed for himself.
Pray for yourself
I'm worthless. Who made your adult suffer so much?
And will bear it again?
I don't understand, but I believe.
The longevity flower is full of wisdom in the face of frivolous wind.
Take me into my secret. Let this heart become hard,
Can withstand their terrible cries. Oh, slow down.
The first or second electric shock,
Let the devil around me hang in mid-air, stop.
Prayer has faded before, and it will return after the sweet morning.
Sweets, I will wake up from my sleep, and fans' emails will fly all over the sky.
I have never thought about the many benefits they have brought me.
Father, only your intelligence can benefit mankind.
Dear friends, I wish you a smooth passage.
In this rough life, everyone I care about,
Whoever it is, wherever it is. Cheer up,
Face the truth with sacred self-evaluation.
Poetry appreciation
As a teenager, I really can't say that I have greater ambitions than I do now. Fantasy is not less than now. I didn't know it was not an ideal stage at that time, but I was thinking about fighting against fate, so I lifted a mountain on my back. In addition to the mountains on my back, there are mountains waiting to climb ahead, and I feel more and more weak. It was not until later that I had to realize that I had reached the point where I needed to adjust my mentality.
I saw this poem in a magazine. I clearly remember that every day before going out from home, I would stand up straight and read it once, sometimes even two or three times, in an extremely respectful and pious manner. At five o'clock in the morning, the sky is bright. Open the window and the fresh air will fill the room. In such countless sweet mornings, I have read it countless times. Every time I finish reading, an energy rushes to the lungs, expands to the chest, and then spreads to the whole body.
I remember always repeating "I'm worthless" in my head. It is a fact that I am worthless, and I never deny it. I don't need to be too attached to the outside world, and I don't need to be too yearning for disproportionate beauty. It doesn't matter, dead or alive, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether there is love or not. It really doesn't matter whether you can see it. I'm worthless, so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I'm not so nervous.
"Father, only your intelligence can benefit mankind." Idealism has really helped me a lot, some of which are similar to "everything will be good to me". The difference is only subjective or objective. I just couldn't inject so much energy into myself subjectively at that time. Longevity once became an element in my dream. I don't know what the longevity flower looks like. Every time I read it, I see an ocean of flowers. Longevity flowers will face the frivolous wind and make this heart hard and stand up to their cries.
Every verse of this poem gives me the power to save my life. The last two sentences, which I wanted to give to you most a few years ago, I decided not to elaborate here, but just wanted to tell you: no matter who and where. Cheer up and face the facts with sacred self-evaluation.