At midnight, I opened my kindle and looked through many issues of "Single Reading" that I had saved. I accidentally learned about Xu Lizhi, his poems and his stories. Coupled with the recent confusion and lack of emotion, I started to express my feelings, a little mixed and a little messy, which is called playing randomly.
Life may temporarily forget you, but poetry and literature itself will not abandon the soul of a thinker, and this has nothing to do with nobility or despicability.
? People, such people, when they are as frustrated as Richard Yates, they have to make a choice between bread and freedom, not both; otherwise, you will fall into a chaotic life. Woody Allen has repeatedly pointed out the absurdity of life, and Xu Lizhi made the mistake of setting an example of this absurdity.
He should just be a Qin warrior body on the assembly line without a thought, but he struggled to hoarse the true and hoarse voice of this era from the bottom of his heart. He was not as noticed and lucky as Yu Xiuhua, nor was he able to wander freely in the hidden world like a "wild man". This was an unattainable luxury for him. He longs for spiritual freedom, but he is fettered by rules and driven by money in the cage of reality all day long.
?Man is born lonely, but he is unwilling to be ordinary; reality and spirit are torn and entangled, but he cannot break through the siege. Finally collapsed - in this anxious era, heaven turned to the left and he turned to the right; the spring that will never come is destined to have nowhere to place his youth...
Time has been silent all the time , life will still be noisy and glitzy. People see your tragedy, but I see your unspeakable loneliness and your fate. Lonely people are shameful, especially those who pursue spiritual freedom. In a society like China that values ??"humaneness, sophistication, and harmony" as the golden mean, they seem to be melting into the mainstream society, but in fact they end up being marginalized. In such an era where life can be consumed and entertained, your decision is actually a kind of relief. Like the lingering dreams of flowers, they finally fade away... ?
?Those who have not experienced it personally cannot understand the iron-cold despair in his poems. People always instinctively love happiness, even if they can steal a moment of ecstasy with poppies. Yes, life is already so sad and life is so difficult. People would rather find comfort in chicken soup for the soul, so why bother looking for a different flavor in poetry?
As far as I am concerned, I can't bear to read it after reading it once. In this era where everyone is busy moving forward, his poems and stories are destined to become a silent afterimage after a quick glance at the world. The sky is still the same speechless, the world will be the same gorgeous, the same flowers will bloom and fade, the same ebb and flow will remain unchanged forever.
?Rejoicing. Although I once had a fleeting thought of leaving this world behind, the scenes at home where the children were constantly quarreling over trivial matters in life gave me a headache, but they stung me warmly. So, I was timid. Return to reality and become the silent majority. I'm thinking, if you had been inspired by the light of faith, maybe you would have been calm and indifferent and wouldn't have reached that point. But, my dear, the most meaningless thing in this world is what-if, which is just cowardly like my concealed lust for life under the dim light of the shabby room.
Heaven and earth are unkind and regard all things as stupid dogs. In this way, we are coerced by life and raped by reality, and we have to moan in pleasure all the time. A happy-go-lucky life is always accompanied by embarrassment and unbearability. Looking up at the stars, in this era there are no moral laws that restrict our hearts. There is only the deep and unknowable sky above our heads, and there are no bright stars twinkling that day. Kant, where are you? Where will we go? …
In Dostoyevsky’s “The Brothers Karamazov”, we see a sad scene: God comes to earth in person, but is questioned by the church, the devil secretly rejoices, God Flee in despair. What this depicts can completely reflect the chaos in the world today where the inner demons are dancing. "Suffering from the inability to love is purgatory on earth."
?In this era of the end of the Dharma, although I also long for the comfort of religion and the freedom of the soul, although I have also experienced it in the Dharma Pure Land of Daxingshan Temple in Xi'an in the warm sunshine of winter after the snow. Although Ksitigarbha's gentle and peaceful Buddha's light was inspired by me in a Protestant sharing and exhortation class, and I met missionaries from New Zealand by chance in Zhongshan Park, my fate was not yet there, and I could not trace my spiritual destination. The heart is ultimately messed up and numb; yes, it is eventually twisted into a mess by fucking life. Yes, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Guanyin, Laojun Xuanwu, the gods and Buddhas in the sky who look down at all living beings, you are so far away from us...
I remember when I was young, my father taught us: People must not be arrogant, but they must not be arrogant. Be proud; be an upright and kind person. However, from an ignorant boy, to a young man flying in the wind, to a silent middle-aged man, how many times have we mistaken our spirit for pride and become the coordinate of the wrong path in life. In this mortal world, you will always meet certain people and certain things happen to you at certain times, either sad or happy. Everything seems accidental but is actually inevitable. An invisible hand will eventually push you to the unknown other side of heaven or cliff abyss, and you will be changed and chosen in this way.
? The Bible says: everything is meaningless.
It took me half my life, and the ups and downs of life, to truly understand the meaning of "slow things down, be patient". Forty without confusion, these words are extremely difficult to come by, and it is very painful to think about them.
? The experience during this period was chaotic but sharp: half a life's hard work was wasted on quicksand, the future was gloomy and unclear, a relationship was wandering in the low fog and confusion; all kinds of messages were like the inexplicable intertwined web of Manjushavara and Udumbara flowers. The inevitable hit me. There was finally no way to escape. Yes, life can't get any worse, and life can't continue to sink like this. Because of this, I no longer have any fear, and I finally understand. Now, the worst time is over, I have never been so calm and calm, embracing this cold world.
Things in this world are always suddenly changed by time before we even have time to notice. All the things I once loved and the close friends I once cherished have all fallen away without realizing it. We are suddenly frustrated and surrounded by loneliness. Time is like a knife, and life is like a thin piece of paper-cut, shattered on the ground when we forget it, and it can no longer be put back together to its original appearance. We can never go back. And tomorrow, no matter how we avoid it, it will eventually come. Then, accept its arrangements. In this way, no matter how complete your life is, it won't seem so sad.
?Scorpio men born in winter are complex and contradictory, sometimes stubborn and paranoid, sometimes sensitive and soft. This is a beautiful but pathological schizophrenia. All outflows are suffering, and all emotions are the temptations of Mara. When he was living in poverty and living in poverty, he was surrounded by roosters, dogs, and thieves, but he felt more real than ever before. After several months of night watchman experience, the biggest gain is that I have begun to truly control my emotions from the bottom of my heart. I am no longer a slave to my emotions, and I am no longer afraid of showing my humblest side to others. I am neither sad nor happy, and I am peaceful. Harmony is like wild flowers emerging from the dark ground and growing quietly under the sun.
After the sadness and loneliness are over, can we be happy again? After tasting bitterness, can you still taste sweetness and joy? There is nothing new under the sun. Even if you are immersed in the love and sorrow of the past and do not want to wake up, your face will still look older day by day, and the world will not change at all because of your twists and turns. You still have to walk on the road, meet people in the world, experience things in the world, gradually lose your confusion and childishness, and then grow up.
? Thank you for the time, allowing all the stories to settle and the scars to gradually fade away. Just like this, it's simpler, like Elias, seal the fragments of time in the icy lake of memory, try to knead the countless lonely and melancholy selves in the past into a ball of mud, step on it under your feet; pass through In the fog, go into the wilderness and see if you can live a clean and bright me on the other side?
?Quiet night, with frogs croaking and cicadas chirping all around. In the darkness, I lit a yellow fruit tree and looked at the green mountains outside the window, as if watching the clouds and smoke in my past. On such a night, I finally met myself again. On nights like this, you can read and ignore all the chaos in the world. On nights like this, I can gently blow the dust off my kindle and sink into deep thought as if no one else is around.
After the light rain stopped for the first time, the mountain breeze blew by. Suddenly I remembered that in Xiamen, there was a time when I often went from the lakeside to the Heping Pier near Zhongshan Road Pedestrian Street, sitting on the rocks from a distance, watching the sun set, the sunset glow fading, and listening to the gentle waves of the waves. At that moment, dusk was about to rise, and between the sea and the sky, amidst the sound of the whistle, seagulls flew across the last ferry back to Gulangyu Island. It was the best time of my life. At that time, I was still unfettered, and at that time, I was still young.