I graduated from 1990. Although I am psychologically prepared, after the college entrance examination is released, the pain still comes one after another. If it is only a deep sense of loss at first, with the departure of college students, my heart is like being whipped. Students who didn't leave went to repeat their studies, and their hearts were whipped again. Students who didn't go to repeat classes also helped arrange work at home. In the end, I was the only one left at home. My heart has been scarred, and the pain has soaked through my bones and muscles.
At the beginning of school, my mother asked me in a very light tone, "Do you still study?" When I said I wouldn't study, my mother immediately said, "No study, no study. The family really can't afford it. Your brother is old and will be engaged soon. No, just to read to you. " I held back my tears and nodded, but in the dark night, my tears wet my pillow countless times. I became silent, just working and eating at home, and didn't want to say a word. One day my impatient mother couldn't help it. On a rainy day when she couldn't go to the fields, she scolded me while sewing: "We gave you the enemy for your study. Who do you look at with a straight face all day? " Who is to blame for not passing the exam yourself? It is interesting enough that we have been providing books for you for ten years. You study, and no one else can live. "My tears was more than I could bear. It seems that there is no right to be sad. However, I didn't say a word, and I have nothing to say. It's really not easy for me to graduate from high school in a poor family. I can only blame myself for not working hard enough, but I am sorry for my parents.
Father is usually good-tempered. Once he's drunk, he's either nagging endlessly or picking on his mother. Once after drinking wine, he said, "Don't worry, big girl, wait until dad finds someone to teach him." You have a higher diploma than those middle school teachers, and you can definitely do it. " But I gave a wry smile in my heart. I know it's just his wine. I have never seen my father beg anyone since I was so big, and my mother is running. I don't want to embarrass my parents, nor do I want to be that teacher. Although most of our middle school teachers have just graduated from junior high school, I still don't want to be like them. Finding relationships is teaching books, and you can't stand up straight in front of students. What a sacred profession a teacher is. In that case, how can I dare to speak when I teach my students the rules of being a man? Besides, the Internet is a bottomless pit. I have to give gifts on holidays, and let me bow down to a job. I'd rather dig with a hoe.
As soon as the college entrance examination was over, I worked in the fields with my parents. In fact, my family took good care of me. Last summer vacation, most of my parents took their younger brothers and sisters to work in the fields and let me cook in the house. My brothers and sisters didn't complain, because I was weak since I was a child, and my mother didn't send me to school until I was ten years old. I won't stay indoors this year, because I am an adult, and I can't shelter my family all my life.
That year, because it rained too often, I didn't shovel the third place. The grass in the soybean field is tall and dense, and the grass roots cling to the soil tightly. Every time I pull out a pinch, I have to exert all my strength. Although I keep pulling out, I still can't catch up with my brother and sister. The sun scorched my back viciously, and my sweat was salty, and tears slid across my hot face. I still rushed forward desperately, trying not to fall too far, and finally I was too tired to tell my parents with blood in my sputum.
Being tired is not the most terrible thing, but catching bugs is the most terrible thing. When the corn was about to bloom, a lot of unknown caterpillars were suddenly born. Cann't stop drugs. Mom took us to catch them. Everyone is carrying a canned bottle and a pair of chopsticks. When they see bugs, they put them in bottles, and then when they get to the farm, they dig a hole and bury them. I am most afraid of bugs. I dare to fight when I see mice, but I dare not hide far away when I see bugs, even hairless bugs, but I can't tell my mother that I'm afraid I won't go. I was numb when I saw those bugs, so I had to encourage myself to say, "Don't be afraid, it won't eat people and won't die." I still crustily skin of head to catch it, but fortunately, I caught it all in one afternoon. When I was sleeping at night, I dreamed that I was covered with insects and cried with fear. My crying woke up the whole family. My mother said that if you don't think about it, you won't dream.
I really drove away the shadow of those bugs in my mind and tried to think about something else. I don't think I went to college, so I can't study for nothing. I can't live like my parents. It's been a month since school started, and I'm gradually accepting the fact that I'm leaving school. I think I can't just be trapped in sadness, nor can I just be at the mercy of fate. On a hot noon, my parents are taking a nap. I picked up a pen that had not moved for a long time and wrote a prose poem in one breath-"Fate can't break my wings". When I was in high school, my prose poem "Youth is Sincerity" was broadcast on the program "Youth Melody" of provincial radio station. That was the first time I got the manuscript fee, and I used it to buy a book of poems. This time, I contributed my manuscript to Melody of Youth. In the days of waiting, I began to think about the future.
At school, I also discussed with my classmates what to do if I can't get into college. The most popular sentence at that time was: "There is no road to college, but there is a road under your feet." When this day really came, I was at a loss and didn't know what to do. I have also read some stories about students' failure in starting a business, but it is not so easy to start from scratch and have no experience.
At that time, no matter what unit recruited, the first requirement was urban hukou, and several of my classmates entered the newly-built vaporization plant. Farmers' ID cards let us miss many opportunities. Even in the senior high school entrance examination, our rural candidates are 20 points higher than those in the city. Everything costs money. I have to make money in the fastest way according to my family and my own conditions.
I can't do field work, but I can do needlework well, thanks to my mother. Mother is a good player at home and outside. In the village, women cut shoes and new clothes, and most of them come to their mothers. In high school, my mother borrowed money to buy sewing machines and sewing machines, and began to collect some manual money. Most of the high school tuition is paid by my mother. Before school, I learned to take a needle and thread from my mother, and I made my own shoes in the fifth grade. Every summer vacation, I make cotton-padded clothes for my brothers and sisters, and I can bring them when I'm ready to change seasons. I can also use a sewing machine. In high school, I always modified the old clothes given by my classmates to wear. So I don't buy clothes, but I'm not shabby. I want to learn regular cutting methods and develop in this field in the future.
About half a month later, my prose poems were broadcast on the radio again, and my literary friends began to write to me, and my heart gradually enriched. When farm work finally came to an end, I took 200 yuan from my parents to a clothing school in Jiamusi. Knowledge is not always learned in vain. There, I finished two months' courses in one month. After returning home, I took over from my mother and started sewing for the villagers and designing some new styles of clothes for young people. Our family's life is getting easier.
Every year before and after the college entrance examination, when the rainy season comes, I feel flustered. In my dream, I will secretly go back to the campus and relive my youth when I was boating in the sea of books. I often imagine how much I would cherish if I were given another chance to go back to school. What kind of life would I have if I went to college? Unfortunately, life has no assumptions.
Although my later life, there have been such changes, but the first step into society, after all, is to make a living on their own.
Time is the best healing medicine, and the past will be washed away by the river of years. I don't know how many choices and exams I have to face in my life. After the vicissitudes of life, the college entrance examination was not so important. With the daily necessities, joys and sorrows, the college entrance examination gradually faded away and drifted away.