Yeah.
1. According to the standard of modern poetry, this five-character quatrain is out of rhythm in many places, which greatly affects the rhythm of the poem. Son, different, different, Cheng, heavy.
Speciality: ancient oblique sound. If the poster says that what he writes is ancient style (poems written before the Tang Dynasty when verse was not yet formed) or limericks, there is no need to look at the rhythm. I won’t say much about the rhythm. But try not to use the ancient style, and paint tigers instead of dogs.
2. Although the emotion the whole poem wants to express is very clear, the sentences are also smooth at first glance. But the wording in many places is not very appropriate.
For example, looking for ambitions. Ambition is a great ideal that a person sets for himself. It is meant to be realized, not to be searched for. In other words, you already have your ambition, so there is no need to look for it. You have to "repay" your ambition when you leave your hometown. Looking for great ambitions is not as clear as pursuing ideals. The ancient poem is concise but sophisticated. According to language habits, it is more appropriate to write "rewarding great ambitions".
3. Double Ninth Festival is a noun, not a verb. Without the Double Ninth Festival, there is no explanation for this sentence. Chongyang, which means "worshiping foreign countries and favoring foreigners", is a verb, but it's not a good idea to use it here. Hope to consider again.
The original poster still has some literary skills, just make some slight modifications.
Another reminder: If you want to write poetry, you still need a lot of practice. It is okay to share your works with others in public, but in private you still need to pay more attention to the rhythm of the poems and read more good works to appreciate and study. .
I hope you will forgive me for the offense and we should communicate with you.