/u/499ee2e60 10006w4
/url.asp？ Type =150402 &; Pages =11512808715343
/xdsw/aa/004.htm
Zhu Yong's "So the Dead"
Shen Congwen's Auspicious Notes
/mjwj/jj/ Ji Xianlin /zzz/00 1.htm
take for example
Dusk is mysterious. As long as people can live one more day, there will be a dusk at the end of this day. However, as the years roll and the months roll, they have countless days to live and countless nights. I want to ask: how many people are aware of this dusk? ——
In the morning, when the residual dream flew out of the pillow, they woke up and started a day's walk. They walked and walked until noon, when the road suddenly turned. It seems that they just slipped away until the end of the day. When they saw the white smoke in the distance, the treetops were lightly coated with a layer of golden yellow. When flocks of crows flew back with the sun at dusk, something seemed to be gently pressing on their hearts. They knew that night was coming. They are eager for rest; Longing for the arrival of dreams. Soon, the dim night covered their eyes and hearts. They are busy in the low hut, closing the door at dusk. If someone asks: Have you ever seen dusk? The evening was beautiful, but they were at a loss.
How can they not be at a loss When they leaned out of the cliff to look for dusk, dusk disappeared with the disappearance of white smoke, the golden color on the treetops and the sun color on the crow's back. Only the hazy night is left. This evening, like a light dream on a spring night, came at an unknown time, swept their hearts and disappeared at an unknown time.
I left at dusk. Where did it go? No, I asked first: Where does dusk come from? I can't say for sure. Who knows? Can't catch the dusk, ask to the end. From the east? The east is where the sun rises. From the west? Isn't there hongxia in the west? From the south? There is only light and heat in the south, so it seems most appropriate to say that it comes from the north. If we think about it and think that the end of the North Pole is the Arctic Ocean, we can draw a picture of a white world, a white snow field and a white iceberg in our imagination. Further north, on the white horizon, you can't tell which is the sky, which is the ground, which is the ice and which is the snow, just a hazy gray. Shouldn't the hazy gray dusk degenerate from here?
However, it degenerated, but it spread. Overflow the plains and grasslands, leaving shadows; Overflow the forest, leaving a gloomy darkness, overflow the stream, melt the dark gray twilight into the water, and the water surface shines faintly in silence; Overflow the top of the mountain, leaving them the light of the stars and the light of the moon; Through the village, I left the boundless twilight smoke ... I tore a piece from every corner and caught a spider web. Later, I crossed the lonely desert and came to our country. I can imagine: if I stand in the desert and face the dusk, I can definitely see the dusk coming from the distant horizon. What is it like? It should be like gray fog, right? Or like a spreading cloud? Running, still just left a shadow, running, came to our country, with white smoke in the distance, with a faint golden color on the treetops, and with the color of the sunset crow's back, gently fell on people's hearts and was rejected by people.
However, outside the door, whether people care or not, it arranges a dreamy and poetic fairy tale world for them in a lonely and cold way. It is hazy and dim, just like a shadow reflected in a mirror, and it paints everything with a silver-gray dreamy color. The milk-colored air condenses like real milk. But it seems to flow soft and thick. It brings silence, listen:-as quiet as midnight with heavy snow. But dead? But no, a little more silence than now will turn into a grave. It seems that there is not much at all, not little at all. The beautiful and comfortable tranquility is soft and thick on people's hearts, and the gray sky is like a thin curtain. Trees, houses, smoke lines, clouds, all like silhouettes, quietly stick to this scene. Here, there, dotted with the purple light of the sunset glow and the cold light of the little star. Dusk is really like a poem, a song and a fairy tale. Like the melodious flute from the moon building, there is a crane ringing in the sky; Like Shao wine aged for decades; I like everything that is too beautiful to say. Can't say, can only see; Don't see enough, you can only understand; I can only admire and don't understand. -But it was finally rejected.
Shut people out. Did I say that? I have to be careful, because the so-called people are not all people, and they will never be all people. When I was a child, I often stayed in the courtyard and waited for dusk. I'm not saying this to show that I am better than others. The meaning is simple: if others don't go, or don't want to go, go. I (and others, of course) often do this at the right time. Often in summer, I sit on a short stool and see that the corner is getting dark, and the white walls around me are covered with a faint shadow. In the darkness, the fragrance of cordate telosma seeped into my heart in waves. Bats fly in the sky. The cobwebs on the eaves reflect the gray sky, and in the hazy, you can also count the lines on the internet and the bodies of mosquitoes and flies stuck to it. Suddenly, inadvertently looked up again, and the shiny little star was embedded in the dark gray sky. In winter, the patio is covered with snow. I curled up in the room. When I saw the white window paper turning gray, the flame in the stove became redder and brighter during the day. I will also know that it is dusk. I looked out through the gap in the baffle: the gray sky, the gray roof covered with snow. The half-curved bleak cool moon is printed in the sky, although it is a bit bleak; But still can't hide the beauty of dusk. At this time, even people who often sit in the patio waiting for it to come have to curl up in the room. There is only gray snow outside the deserted door. Who is this hazy world made for? Don't you feel lonely at dusk?
But loneliness won't last long. We still have to leave at dusk. Li Shangyin said in his poem: "to see the sun, for all his glory was buried in the coming night." Isn't the poet lamenting that dusk can't stay long? I really can't stay long. In a blink of an eye, this dusk is like a light dream, which only sweeps in people's hearts, leaving a dark night and leaving with its loneliness.
Gone, really gone. Now let me ask: Where did dusk go? I know this better than where it comes from. I can't catch the tail of dusk and ask what it is. However, it is speculated that northerners should go to the south. Who said it wasn't going south? I saw the development of things. -Over the South Wall; Over the hills and forests in the south; In the beautiful south of China. All the way to Africa. Africa has steep mountains; There is a deep and dark forest on the ridge. Think further, there are tigers in the Woods. Tiger? As dusk approaches, it's time to light up your light green eyes that only show during the day. Is it like two lights? There should also be wild weeds in the forest, which are higher than people. There are lions, big mosquitoes, Okumo and bats in the grass, which are bigger than ordinary bats. The afterglow of the sunset leaked from the thin leaves through the cobwebs on the branches, and the bright golden light shone on the whole forest in reddish brown, which combined with the poisonous gas spit out by poisonous snakes under the grass and became colorful fog. There should be fireflies. It's flashing now, there should be flowers; But I don't think it should be cordate telosma or cordate telosma. What is this? They are all evil poisonous flowers. Shouldn't there be more poisonous gas than evil flowers? The fragrance of this flower slowly melts into the brown-red air and into the gorgeous color fog. Split into a ball; Roll into a warm air. However, the hot air was quickly dissolved by the dark night. Only the flashing fireflies are left, and now they are getting brighter. Tiger's eyes are more like two lamps, silently staring at the stars that have just appeared in the dark gray sky.
However, here, dusk is still going. Where did you go again? No one really knows this. Climb into the dark sky by the light of Leng Yue? Did the little star finish climbing the Tianhe River? On the wings of bats, under the eaves? Is it dissolved behind the distant mountains with the aura of the west? Who can know this clearly? We only know that it is gone, with its loneliness and beauty, like a trace, like a light dream on a spring night.
It's gone. -Now, now what can I ask? Waiting for tomorrow? Tomorrow comes, tomorrow, tomorrow. When people see white smoke in the distance, the treetops are lightly painted with a layer of golden yellow, and flocks of crows fly back with the sun in the twilight, as if something is pressing on their hearts, longing for the arrival of their dreams. Close the door. It's dusk inside and outside, and when they look for it again, it's gone. Running from the Arctic Ocean, passing by, went to the African forest. Where to? Who knows? However, the night has come: the long night, the night with shining stars and moonlight, the night with fragrance … just the night, the long night, the night that will never end, what about dusk? -dusk never exists in people's hearts. Only one prey, gone, like a light dream on a spring night.
The fire is blazing, and it is so red, purple, blue and green that people will feel chills at a glance. Evil! How so evil! A woman, with long hair and red and black gauze, stood in the flame. The soaring fog blurred her face, and only those eyes with revenge and anger glared at him. God, when his eyes caught a glimpse of those eyes, a chill spread from the soles of his feet to his insides, and fear woke him up at once.
In recent days, why do you always repeat the same dream? He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead and looked at the woman lying in the hospital bed. The doctor said that she had a fever for a week. This is not a good phenomenon, for leukemia patients, it means that death is closer. He shuddered at the thought that she had unconsciously entered and integrated into his life. Jesus Christ. Why did he understand this until now? He beat his head with his hand, and it was too late.
She curled up in bed and seemed to sleep soundly. If she hadn't lost all her hair because of chemotherapy, he couldn't believe that she was a person sentenced to death by God. He sat up and helped her pull the quilt. His hand touched her forehead. Alas! She still has a fever. The doctor said that even if the same bone marrow was found in Taiwan Province province, it might be too late for transplantation.
She once told him that she was willing to follow him all her life. Is her life that short? His eyes looked at her only with fluffy scalp. When he first saw her, it was her long hair that was as smooth as a waterfall, which contained all his love in this life.
At that time, he was already a man with a wife and a daughter, and by virtue of his husband's relationship, he got a position as a department manager in a large state-owned foreign trade company. The state-owned foreign trade company is a strange place. They are not as traditional and conservative as state-owned factories, nor as modern and open as foreign-funded enterprises. On the one hand, we should contact foreign businessmen to get orders, on the other hand, we should contact factory salesmen to prepare goods. Both accept new things and can't get rid of the shackles of tradition. A bit like semi-colonial and semi-feudal China in the Opium War. Belonging to a foreign country, I want to learn but dare not really follow, but I still can't let go if I want to. The phenomenon of lovers, which is so popular now, is secretly popular although it is still shady there.
At that time, she was a pure and romantic girl who had just graduated and worked as an export assistant in his department. The term' auxiliary export' sounds good, but it is actually a handyman who makes orders and inspects goods. People who have just left school are naturally full of ideals and ambitions, trying to show their strength in society with what they have learned. Later, the metropolis found that the original school textbooks were all waste that could have been thrown away for toilet paper. Fortunately, however, she met him before she realized it. He is a great man in her eyes. Only six or seven years after graduating from a famous university, I took the middle-level leadership position of this large foreign trade company.
To tell the truth, she is not a beauty, but she is clean and lovely, quite simple and somehow, only remembering that familiar face always makes him feel deja vu when he sees her at that time. She is very serious about her work. Seeing her reminded him of himself. Yes! At that time, I was not so naive to send faxes that I could never reply. I am also ambitious to develop new products and find new customers myself. As a result, it was found that not only could they not find it, but they were easily taken away by the so-called official exporters in the name of their respective positions. The law of the jungle in this world, if you don't step on others, others will step on you to death. Today is the best proof that the survival law of nature works everywhere. If he didn't catch up with his present wife, if he didn't get in touch with her husband, he was still a small and humble export assistant.
And she, yes! She was so young that at first he only regarded her as his little sister. In fact, he is only six years older than her. It's just that in this part of society, teaching people to grow up is too fast. Six years of social experience can make her feel that he is a profound book, but it is worth reading. He seems to be covered with a legend. He is well aware of his position and what he should do to match it. He understands that his burden is very heavy, and he has obligations that must be fulfilled and responsibilities that cannot be abandoned.
This is the road he chose at the beginning. Between career and love, he gave up love. Give up love? No, he thought about it. Did he give up anything in his life? No, he married that woman because he didn't have a desirable girlfriend at that time, and his heart was full of thoughts of fame and fortune before he realized the taste of love. In fact, he knows that he is a very greedy person. He wants to catch everything in this world, money, fame and fortune, career and love. He wants his life to be a complete dance. If God is willing to give, he will accept. If god doesn't give it, he must win. At school, he is a good student with excellent academic performance; At home, he is a good son and the pride of his parents; After marriage, he is the reliance of a good couple; Now, he is still a good father to his daughter. He has a gentle and handsome appearance, a smart mind, romance and talent, and is tactful in dealing with people. He abides by the rules of society, family and people, and he always tries to make everything look perfect.
However, after getting closer and closer to her, he felt that something real had been lost in his life. The longer I have contact with her, the stronger this feeling becomes. He felt that she was like a living person. She can express her emotions without any worries, and life is so simple and easy. Especially her smile, the original heartfelt smile can make people around feel happy. He was so unconsciously attracted to her, and they came together so unconsciously. Love, when it comes, the defense of reason is fragile in front of it, or based on some idea of making his life more perfect, he selfishly resists the awakening of reason.
In an accident, he turned her into his woman. However, when he took possession of her virginity, her satisfied and sacred expression made him feel ashamed. At that moment, he seemed to have an impulse, and even wanted to give up his family and present position and leave here with her to live an idyllic life.
"Sir, you go first! I haven't slept for three days, so you will be exhausted before she wakes up. " The nurse came to make rounds again. She really sympathizes with this man. He has hardly come out since he walked into this ward three days ago. Not dull, nor secretly sniffling. Men don't cry lightly, but they haven't reached the sad place yet. It's only been three days, and the original charming man is a little old and depressed.
"Oh, no, I'm going to make my bed here." He doesn't want to leave her, even for one night. He was really afraid to wake up one day and see her face covered with white sheets.
"Well, you should go to bed early, too."
It's already dark. After watching the nurse feed her medicine, he began to make the bed. When I made the bed, I remembered that strange nightmare. I don't know when it started, and it hasn't stopped since I slept here. It's getting clearer every day. Alas! I don't know what this means, but I hope it won't happen again tonight.
Xu Xin was really tired. Soon after he fell down, he could hear his snoring. ....
"What's wrong with me? I'm willing to go to the ends of the earth with you for abandoning my father and apostasy. What about you? ... you gave me up for that little bitch? Are you worthy of me? " Or that terrible woman, screaming at a man almost crazily in the field. I could see that her spirit was on the verge of collapse. Suddenly, her voice softened and became a plea: "Stay, I have your children. Stay, I can no longer care about your past, as long as you have no future."
"Your mother, with your cleverness still don't understand? You think I've been wandering the rivers and lakes for decades, what else can stop me? You shouldn't have bet on that child in the first place. " The man's voice is very cold, and there is no tenderness in the thick basket. The man's costume is very old, like a knight in the Song Dynasty, wearing a golden crown, a robe and a sword around his waist. That man is very handsome, with slender eyes and thick vertical eyebrows. His dark brown skin, burly figure and his whole personality seem to be a master of breaking women's hearts.
"love? Do you really love that little bitch? " She raised her head slightly and stroked her loose hair with her hand. At this moment, she found herself actually a symbol. If it weren't for those merciless glaring eyes, her beauty would definitely make many men become ministers under her skirt.
"Yes, I love her and I want her to be my wife. We will always be husband and wife, together forever. " When it comes to his lover, his tone has changed, and every sentence contains a trace of happiness.
"Do you want to be together? All right! Then you can be husband and wife forever! Step and fly, you will regret everything you said today. I curse you ... curse you ... curse you. ......
A series of shocking roars woke him up from his nightmare again. This chaotic nightmare has exhausted him. Holding his face with his hand, he turned his head and looked at the woman who was still in a coma. The only woman he loved in his life was the one who was hurt the most. A sense of guilt spread in his heart again. He thought of his own impetuousness and selfishness, and he blamed himself again and again. Jesus Christ. Why did it all come so fast? Why don't you give him a chance to make amends?
Didn't God give him a chance? No, actually, he got the news when she was just in the hospital, but he was too worried at that time. He thought she wouldn't get anything serious, and he refused to give up anything for her.
He thought of his wife, a shrewd intellectual woman. When she had an affair, she always knew how to get her husband back to her, even if it was just a body. He clearly remembers that when his wife discovered her existence, she used her husband's relationship to switch her business department, and severely warned him that if she didn't stop her relationship, she would never be able to gain a foothold in foreign trade. In fact, his wife doesn't need to say it, and he knows what will happen if this matter spreads abroad. In that old foreign trade company with a complicated mother-in-law, a character like him who had a halo on his head would not be overwhelmed by those gossips once he found out that there was something wrong with his life style. In addition, he has just been elected as one of the top ten outstanding young people in Shanghai. This is what he has struggled for many years, and he wants to give himself an account and a kind of compensation. He's a bonesetter. He can't go wrong.
He is really the most selfish person in the world. On the one hand, he doesn't want his present position and achievements to suffer a little damage. On the other hand, he doesn't want to give up his deep attachment to love. During the day, he wore a gentleman's coat and coldly faced her eager eyes; In the evening, he couldn't control his desire for her beautiful body and asked her to come out for sex whenever he had the chance. It's just that he made it all more subtle and secret.
If it weren't for a month ago, the company's physical examination found out that her blood contained bad factors and ordered her to be hospitalized, he felt that they might still be having an affair in the rented cabin. Gross! He hit his head hard again. Now is not the time to defile her. Yes! He has known the news for a month, but he dare not come to see her once. In fact, as an old boss, he should have visited her long ago, but he didn't dare. He clearly knew that there was a ghost in his heart, and he was afraid that she would jump into his arms uncontrollably. How did he explain it to his wife? Besides, the re-election of the top ten outstanding young people is just around the corner. At this time, a little attention will bring him a threat. What happened under the pear in Gua Tian is absolutely impossible.
It was at this time that he realized that he really loved her. She has always been in his heart. Although I couldn't go to see her, I couldn't sleep peacefully for a few nights. And that dream, it probably started at that time. The dream is an era of heroes. The daughter of a demon cult leader fell in love with a Jianghu guest in a white robe, but the Jianghu guest fell in love with the stone tablet woman around the leader. Hehe, very old-fashioned love triangle. At first, he suspected that he had read too many martial arts novels and formed a spiritual reflection. Only when the leader's daughter tried her best but still couldn't get the love of Jianghu people, extreme jealousy made her crazy. She jumped into the burning fire and offered herself as a sacrifice in exchange for the curse given to her by the devil. "I curse, I endure this fire baking price is your love in the afterlife, I curse, your love in the afterlife will be a torment that can never be retained; I curse that your love in the afterlife will be a sword that pierces each other's chests ... "I don't know how many times that horrible whine woke him up from his dream, but he often felt a little strange after waking up. Why is that Jianghu guest always so calm in the face of curse?
He likes to read martial arts novels, Jin Yong's and Gu Long's, envies the lone ranger's lifestyle, wanders around the world, has no scruples, has no worries, and dares to be equal to the emperor's lofty aspirations. In fact, most of the time, he wants to strike the table heavily and yell at his boss who knows nothing but commands blindly: "Shit! I quit ",that must be very refreshing. He often feels that there is always another self in his body to rush out, but it is firmly wrapped in a thick cocoon.
"Is it Yi Zhe?" The woman lying in bed seems to be awake.
"Embroidery! Haha, you finally woke up. " God bless, she woke up and gave him time to tell her how much he missed her, how much he needed her and how much he loved her. Give him time to confess his selfishness and ruthlessness to her.
"Why are you here? Yu Wen came to see you? "
"Well, why didn't you tell me you had this disease earlier?"
She didn't answer him, but there was a happy smile on her face. Wait! Where does he seem to have seen such a smile? Just like in that dream. ......
This is a fierce killing. About 100 Christians armed with swords surrounded the Jianghu traveler named Bu Feiyi, and there was a woman wearing a blue shirt beside him. Flying wing step is obviously injured. His sword-holding hand has been bleeding, but he still wants to protect the women around him. /kloc-more than 0/00 people were ordered by the leader to kill him. The leader mainly avenged his dead daughter. It seems that this place will be his hiding place. "Is it worth it for a woman?" Once a good friend asked him if it was worth it, and he knew it. As the saying goes, money is easy to find, but bosom friends are hard to find. He has been wandering the Jianghu for so many years, not for fame and fortune, but for revenge. It's just that there is a freedom-advocating emotion in his nature. He yearns for a simple and relaxed lifestyle and pursues a feeling that the sky is high and the sea is wide and the fish are swimming. Therefore, he refused You Niang's love, because he knew that she would bind herself with her love. He needs a kind of physical freedom and spiritual stability, just like a kite flying in the sky can fly in the blue sky with wings and wind speed, and he needs a reliable person to hold the spool on the thick earth. And light light blue is just the person he is looking for. He is willing to give her his wandering heart. From then on, he felt that he could have no regrets in his life.
He's not afraid of death. Where is light light blue? He knew she wouldn't be afraid. Finally, because he was outnumbered, he was injured in the abdomen and back and died by the sword. Although both of them were injured when they died, when he reached out to hold the light light blue hand, he saw a smile on the light light blue bloody face, which made him die very peacefully and fairly.
Why does such a similar smile only make him feel more guilty now?
Didi-Didi-Didi-His cell phone rang.
"Zhe wing, are you crazy? Are you still with that woman? " It's his wife.
"yes."
"You stayed there for three days, if let others know, have you thought about the consequences? Now is the last choice, this is if anything goes wrong, you will lose all your efforts ... "
"Then forget it." His tone was surprisingly calm. So calm that even she was a little surprised. If he didn't signal her to be quiet, she would ask him why.
"What? When did the word "forget it" appear in Ou's dictionary? Your efforts for so many years have been ruined because of such a little girl. Is it worth it? "
Is it worth it? It's such a problem again. People spend their whole lives wondering if it's worth it. It is true that life cannot be perfect, and people will be forced to face different choices at different times. People can't meet the future, and they can't know what the best choice is, so they are indecisive and hesitant.
"It's worth it, because I love her." This is the first time that he dares to tell others that he loves her. After that, he felt that the cross on his back was much lighter. "I think our marriage should be over. I'll find a lawyer to talk to you one day. "
The other party didn't answer. After a short silence, he hung up. It doesn't matter anyway, he thought. In fact, there are many things in life that are not the most important, as long as you think it is worthwhile. Success and failure, happiness and misfortune will not be defined in your own mind. Gains and losses are relative. The key is how to grasp what you really want in this short life and don't let it become a lost friend with you. Don't leave too many regrets when you are about to leave this world, then your choice is worthwhile. He looked at her smiling face and told her affectionately that he would marry her when she was well. Of course, now he is going to buy a beautiful ring.
She took his hand and seemed unwilling to let him leave. Hehe, this silly girl actually said that she would take his hand and let her know him early in the afterlife. How can it be? He walked on the road with a platinum diamond ring in his pocket, which was dazzling. Didn't he say,' A diamond lasts forever, but a diamond lasts forever'? Eternity, he likes the word, and he believes that they will be husband and wife for generations.
Hehe, his thoughts began to wander. For the first time, he felt that life could be so easy and realized that happiness was a kind of spiritual satisfaction for the first time. Immersed in his own world, he didn't see a truck turn from the fork in the road when crossing the road. The car was driving too fast, and when the driver found him, the truck had run over him.
The bright red blood on the ground is like a burning fire, and it is also red and purple, purple and blue, and blue is chilling. Crystal diamonds are brighter with blood staining.
Yes! Diamonds don't burn.
References:
/love/44.htm