"Disqualification in the World"
[Japanese] Translated by Ren Yanhong by Dazaiji (1909-1948)
1. Excerpts and insights
Chapter Three-hand pricking (1)
① His funny expression will never be forgotten by me. There is something almost contemptuous but different from contempt in that expression. If human society is compared to the vast ocean , his weird smile was just a glimpse of the game in Youge Under the Sea, and I could clearly see the essence of adult life from his smile.
I think the author is referring to the following points:
1. Flounder mocks the ideal of the painter as a "painter", thinking that he has no possibility at all, he is just He was a young man from a rich family who was idle all day long. He only knew how to eat, drink, whore, gamble, and play with women. He also wanted to feed himself with art, and he laughed at him without any concealment.
The painter at that time may not have much social status, or he may only know how to paint some erotic paintings. "Painters" think that they are dirty and shameless. Very few people become famous through this profession, and even those who do are extremely talented. Those who are high earn little money.
My understanding of the nature of the adult world is that adults only see nominal interests, do not understand what dreams are, and think that people who have dreams are stupid and unrealistic people. Thinking that we are just naive and stupid, and that one day we will become like him.
They cannot tolerate any aliens, and they also refuse to accept them, without giving them any superficial respect.
Think I am an idiot. I obviously have a rich and powerful father. As long as he is good, I can live the happy life I want without being as exhausted as him, but I just want to do it for a person. It is foolish to give up everything for vain dreams.
This is also what the author wants to express. There are always many unhappy things in life, so in the article I need to hide my true heart, use ridiculous things to please others, and gradually lose The qualifications of a human being lead to this kind of death step by step.
②Although my consideration for others will be misinterpreted, the results will be insignificant, and it will be regarded as extremely stupid, but out of this mentality, I still try to cover up for others. This kind of personality of mine often gives opportunities to the so-called "gentlemen" in the world.
This is very different from the so-called lying. It has two different meanings. Sanhuang is a derogatory term. If you keep lying to others, you will be hurt. It is a selfish behavior that only cares about yourself and does not care about others
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To put it nicely, they are white lies, all for others. This is positive, but it contains some flattering connotations.
You cannot please others at any time or anywhere, because the moment you please others, it means that you voluntarily abandon your dignity. You still want others to understand you, so stop dreaming, okay? No one is forcing you to take the initiative.
Once you develop a habit, you will involuntarily do "please others". If you continue like this without changing anything, you will lose yourself. Slowly losing balance, you will think that your personality is lower than others, because you can't control yourself to do those annoying things.
If you want to gain the recognition and respect of others, you must first have self-respect, then slowly show your charm and express your own opinions. The world is big and there are many different people. Never think that you are the most special one. You are special because you are a treasure!
③This is what others want! "When God closes a door for you, he will open a window for you." You have to explore carefully and find this hidden window. I believe you will live a better life.
The same thing happens every day.
Just follow yesterday's routine.
If you can avoid violent ecstasy,
there will naturally be no sorrow.
In order to avoid stumbling blocks ahead,
Toads will also move forward in a roundabout way.
This is a poem by Charles Courlot translated by Shang Min. Whenever I read this poem, my face will turn red with shame.
About you? This poem may be to express my inner feelings! It’s not necessarily just about you! It seems that you also know that what you did was wrong, but why don't you want to change it? Different people will have different ideas when they see different poems!
Only those who are truly pessimistic will not correct their mistakes and make them worse. Such people only deserve to live in regret and darkness forever.
Of course, this description only reflects that the author also had such a painful time. He survived it and found a way to relieve himself, and that was "writing." When a person has a hobby of his own, he will devote himself wholeheartedly to it and get some comfort during this time.
Although sometimes there is no way to be completely liberated and happy, it is still much better than giving up on yourself. Besides, writing articles can express your emotions, learn more knowledge, get some honors, etc. There is no harm in doing anything.
④ In this way, my fear of the real and illusory sea of ??human beings has been greatly weakened, and I no longer live as painstakingly as before. In other words, in order to meet the immediate needs, I have become more or less. Gotta be a little shameless.
My pure heart was killed by this reality, and I began to learn their set of things, learn to enjoy them, etc. In short, I learned badly and saw through the darkness of the world, the so-called human heart. But I have always been afraid of human beings, because I am afraid that they will see through my tricks like my friends did. I seem to be incompatible with this complex society, and even though I try hard to integrate, it is difficult to integrate.
⑤This is like counting the probability of people falling into a pit in a dark toilet, or counting the probability of passengers accidentally falling into the gap between the entrance and the edge of the platform. It is really stupid and ridiculous to consider such probability issues. .
I think the person in the article may be stupid because of reading, or I believe in "books" too much. Can I understand that this is a straight male mentality? I hope that everyone will tell the truth, be straightforward, and have no desire for gain. This will be a bright and beautiful world.
How can there be such a good thing in this world? Where there is good, there is evil, where there is good, there is evil. Everything in the world is relative. What is so unclear about this?
We just need to keep what we hold on to in our hearts while accepting everything. Unequal goods, things you think are dark and don’t agree with, everyone has their own choice, and we have no right to interfere with others.
⑥My misfortune is that I lack the ability to reject others. I am afraid that once I reject others, it will leave a rift in each other's hearts that can never be repaired.
But at that moment, I naturally refused the morphine I had been crazy about pursuing. Maybe I was moved by Liangzi's "holy ignorance"? Even if it was just for a moment, I was free of addiction, right?
In fact, there will always be people like this, whether in the past or now, who take themselves too seriously and are afraid of rejecting others. I'm also a little scared. If you really don't have anything, you don't have to buy it or "pawn it" to buy it for others. This is undoubtedly a way to please others and lower your personality.
Everything has a first time. As long as you get used to it, there is nothing hard to refuse. Courage is the first step. I think that in the article, I may have seen Liangzi's simple behavior, and my conscience condemned him, so I had the great courage to change this bad habit.
So it is very important to have a person who loves you in life. Your unintentional actions may change a person's life. If you don't have such a person, you may never truly repent in your life, and you will continue to be like this.