So, I began to seriously think about the problem of labels, because I found that I appreciated their attitude and affirmed their practices, but I was extremely concerned about other people's comments. I think it's time to define myself from the perspective of labels.
1 ... invisible label
Many times I don't want to share my story with people I don't know, because everyone's story has the truest self, maybe fragile, maybe cowardly, and even something I don't want to admit.
Yes, I don't want to show these real parts of myself to others. My growing experience tells me that I need to protect myself. Based on this idea, slowly, on some occasions, I don't express my true thoughts. More often, I just observe. Similarly, the person who accompanied me when I was growing up gave me the ability to read and read, and I could almost quickly find out what the person in front of me wanted and what he wanted to hear. So, I can quickly hand over the "answer sheet" that satisfies them.
So, slowly, I have some labels, such as understanding, optimism and so on. I know that these labels, which seem to be given to me by others, are actually what I have always wanted and worked hard for. It was also formed in childhood-I subconsciously want to be recognized by others, and I hope that everyone I come into contact with can like me.
I didn't know until I saw the truth from myself that I had been pursuing all the labels instead of others.
2. Why is there a label?
Each of us is born a baby, and we don't know what society is and what label the pure world is. It's just that on the road of growth, we will encounter too many things and wish to burn in our young body. For example, parents often compare our academic performance with other children, and there is a word called "smart"; When comparing our obedience with that of other children, there is a word called "clever"; By analogy, filial piety, courage, men, ladies and high emotional intelligence will also be derived; There are also "rebellion", "cowardice", "coward", "tomboy" and "low IQ".
As you can see, these words describing a person have as many derogatory terms as they have positive ones. When we were young, most children wanted to be good children in the eyes of their parents, and they would be themselves according to all the standards of good children at the same time.
At this moment, these words, like labels, stipulate the specifications and quality of the factory products. But the labels of the products are all attached by people, and we found these labels on our own initiative. There are many reasons to look for, perhaps to get love, security or even just to make yourself look different. In short, everyone has their own good intentions.
3. "Label Effect" and Self-lost
When a person is labeled with a name, he will carry out self-image management to keep his behavior consistent with the content of the label. This phenomenon is caused by labeling, so it is called "labeling effect".
According to psychology, "label effect" is mainly due to its qualitative orientation. Whether it is good or bad, it has a strong influence on a person's "self-identity of personality consciousness". The result of "labeling" a person is often to make him develop in the direction indicated by "labeling"
To sum up, when the "label effect" comes into play, everyone will always make his behavior develop in the direction of label. Over time, people will subconsciously believe that I am such a person. Therefore, employees who are labeled as "love their jobs and dedication" will be late once and condemn themselves for a long time; A person who is labeled as "meticulous" hardly allows himself to make mistakes, and a small mistake will make him feel sorry for himself; Couples labeled as "model couples" should stick to their nominal marriage, even if there is no love. ...
Back to me, I was labeled as "optimistic and cheerful". Even if I am unhappy, I should smile in front of others. When I was at work, many colleagues asked me, "What makes you happy all day? Don't you have anything unhappy? " I always answer with a smile. Is there anything unhappy? I remember one of my leaders once said to me: Why do you still laugh every time you say you did something wrong? My answer is well-founded, that's what I am! Crying, right?
Yes, I always thought I was. I was optimistic and strong, and I couldn't help laughing, let alone crying at others.
Now that I think about it, it's really ridiculous. In fact, I have abandoned my true self for so many years. I am a thoughtful person and I am pessimistic half the time.
4. Tear off the label and be yourself.
I have been living with my own label, because of the subconscious recognition, I don't think there is anything wrong with this lifestyle.
Until 20 13, God sent a special person in my life. Since she appeared, she saw through my disguise and took it off. She said to me, "This is not the real you". The first time I heard her say this, tears flowed out without warning, and my heart was like a thread. I'm scared and helpless. With tears on my cheeks, I still keep my old smile, but I am no longer so capricious and calm. However, my body was completely relaxed at that moment, and I clearly felt the intense warmth filled with blood.
Later, on the road of physical and mental growth, I gradually saw that many labels have become walls to protect themselves. In my past life, these walls contributed a lot. Sadly, I can't go out by myself. For such a long time, I have been in the wall of my building, carrying my empty label, thinking that this is the world.
I finally saw my sadness clearly: I don't like being cheated by others, but I always cheat myself. I don't want to deceive myself any more. ...
So, I slowly began to open myself up, and began to learn to express my true feelings and thoughts, so that my emotions could fluctuate freely, laughing when I was happy and crying when I was unhappy. Yes, I told myself: I am not a perfect person, I have many shortcomings. However, this is the real me. I can't just accept my good side, and my other side is also a part of me. Together, they are the whole me. I should accept and love myself completely. As for the rest, it doesn't matter whether you like me or not. I love myself. God loves me enough. God loves everyone, so please love yourself. When a person loves himself enough, he will love everyone around him!
Nevertheless, I must admit that from the beginning, I was in an open-closed-open-closed state, because when I opened myself, I felt unsafe. I used to change the pattern for many years, and at first I was full of fear and retreat.
Gradually, it will always get better and better. It's really beautiful not to deceive yourself. It doesn't matter whether it is good or bad to accept the evaluation of this imperfect self and others.
During this time, I have little contact with the outside world. My little progress has been achieved through yoga, reading, meditation, chanting and watching some TV programs. I found that only when we are in an open state can we have more and better wisdom in life.
We came to this world with only one important goal, that is, to be true and unique, and to be unique in live high. Only when you bravely want to be yourself can you calm down and see your real strengths and weaknesses, know where you need to improve, and know how to be a better yourself. If you don't know your whole self, how can you have the most authentic, rational and objective self-knowledge, feelings and love?
With love for myself, I am still on the way to tear off the label. ...