Sketch: Saint Fang celebrates the Qingming Festival
Master Fang: (reciting the opening poem)
The Qingming Festival is full of chaos, and the online media are killing people.
If I am forced to have no way out, I will dig into the grave with oil on my feet.
I, Fang Zhouzi, am a famous anti-counterfeiting fighter and a righteous figure in China. However, a few days ago, there was a "general investigation" by "Rule of Law Weekend", and public opinion across the country was in an uproar. I became the biggest fake joke in the country. What should I do? Where is the drop of love?
Aidi: (reciting the opening poem)
A talented man who graduated from Peking University fell in love with a big liar.
I became a bitch and stayed confused all my life.
I love it. I once had the ambition to ride the long wind and break thousands of miles of waves and swallow mountains and rivers like a tiger. Now the big boss of the Ark cult can be regarded as making the best use of everything and living a life worth living. The master has been in trouble recently and cannot leave me even for a moment. No, it's called Hun'er again. Say hello to the master.
Master Fang: Ai Ai, you know the current situation, and you also know my background. Tell me, how should we deal with this crisis?
Aidi: Returning to the master, the slave has come up with three strategies: upper, middle and lower.
Master Fang: Speak quickly!
Aidi: I don’t dare.
Leader Fang: Why?
Aidi: A slave is afraid of his master’s anger.
Master Fang: I forgive you. Say it quickly.
Aidi: I still don’t dare.
Leader Fang: And why?
Aidi: The slave is afraid that the mistress will be angry.
Master Fang: Your mistress also forgives you. Come on, fuck me, I'm so pissed off, I'll whip you!
Aidi: Master, calm down. This plan is a bastard plan.
Master Fang: What is a tactic?
Aidi: The other name of the bastard tactic is the turtle tactic, which is to pretend to be deaf and mute, like a dead pig that is not afraid of being scalded by boiling water. Wait until this storm is over before trying to make a comeback.
Master Fang: Although the bastard tactic is good, it has been used many times by my enemies. I have also exposed it many times, saying that it is "the last resort of all counterfeiters after the matter is exposed." Now If you use this strategy, won't you be laughed at by the other party? Besides, I am a bastard, and all the spitting in the world can float me up. Can a bastard who floats away still shrink his head?
Aidi: My master is so kind, my slave deserves to die! (Slap yourself in the face)
Leader Fang: Tell me about the trick you fell into.
Aidi: The trick is also called the cockfighting trick.
Master Fang: Are you cursing me in a roundabout way? Don't you know my nickname?
Aidi: The slave deserves to die. (Palms his face)
Master Fang: Stop fucking acting with me, get the job done and talk about the content.
Aidi: Fighting cocks, that’s not right (palms his face), falling into a trap is also called a desperate scheme, which means fighting them desperately. As the saying goes, the hard ones are afraid of the horizontal ones, the horizontal ones are afraid of the stiff ones, and the stiff ones are afraid of death. As long as we put on a life-threatening posture, there may be a glimmer of hope.
Master Fang: We are a famous fighter, and we have been putting on life-threatening poses for half our lives. What new tricks do you have in this strategy?
Aidi: Back to the master, the slave deserves to die, the slave is stupid, the slave can’t think of new tricks, but he summed up the master’s old tricks and made a new one.
Master Fang: Speak quickly.
Aidi: The slave looked through the master’s fight history and found that the master has several old tricks: first, frightening the opponent with lawsuits; second, smearing the opponent and throwing shit; Apply makeup yourself.
Master Fang: Haha, I love you so much.
Aidi: This time, let’s scare the other party with a lawsuit.
Master Fang: Didn’t you see that Guo Guosong didn’t do this? Idiot Peng's threatening letter had no effect and became the laughing stock of the world.
Aidi: My master, I have a great opinion. However, according to my opinion, it doesn’t matter if Guo Guosong doesn’t accept this trick, other media people may do so. After scaring them, no one dared to spread rumors about Guo Guosong, and the matter would disappear one day.
Master Fang: What if Guo Guosong forces us to file a lawsuit?
Aidi: This slave has thought about it. We can't take the initiative to file a lawsuit, otherwise it will make this matter bigger. Therefore, we resorted to our old trick of discrediting Lao Guo, irritating him, and asking him to file a lawsuit with us.
Master Fang: If he really accuses me, what should I do?
Aidi: Why did the master forget the cunning rabbit's three caves plan? You just spread rumors, and the slaves have their own arrangements for spreading rumors. Spreading rumors is not against the law. It's not a big deal if Lao Guo sues you. Maybe he can help us get some more money.
Master Fang: I love you, when it comes to money, I have a problem.
Aidi: The master is sick and the slave deserves to die. May I ask what the disease is?
Master Fang: All the money donated by my disciples and grandchildren is kept at the foundation. If one day the foundation is seized by the government, won’t all the money go away? I have to find a way to transfer the money to my personal account before I can rest in peace.
Aidi: Master, let me think about this matter and give you a break someday.
Master Fang: Be quick.
Your mistress is crying to me every day, she is so annoying.
Aidi: Chat.
Leader Fang: Continue.
Aidi: This third old trick is to have slaves organize and write posts to prove that the master's article is not plagiarized, so it is not considered plagiarism. As long as the master spreads such a voice, no one will believe it.
Master Fang: This trick is all self-deception. Let’s talk about the plan.
Aidi: The next plan is called the bereaved dog plan. Just run away.
Master Fang: Well, your mistress has been trying to get me to run away. But, with empty hands and a bad reputation, where can I go?
Aidi: Master, doesn’t he have a big tree on the Gold Coast? That is the blessed land of the master's rebirth. The slave heard that Sakyamuni attained enlightenment under a big tree. The master called himself Fondera under the tree. Twenty years later, he had no worries about not receiving the Nobel Prize.
Leader Fang: I’m not afraid of living in a tree hole and pretending to be Mandela, but I don’t know my magic skills and I can’t live with the northwest wind.
Aidi: I have thought about it. At that time, we will let the two foundations announce their dissolution and automatically transfer the money to the master's account, which will be enough for the master, master, mother, and little master to eat hamburgers for half a lifetime.
Master Fang: Ai Ai Qing, you have three plans, the upper, the middle, and the lower. Only the lower one is the most satisfactory to me. However, the trick must be used to cover up the implementation of the plan. Change the bastard strategy to the crow strategy, change the target, lure Xiao Chuanguo out to me, and let me fight with him, so that all the eyeballs will be attracted.
Aidi: Master Shengming.
Master Fang: Kneel down.
Aidi: Chat.
Edited 2 times. Last edited by Yiming on 04/06/2012 11:41AM.