When I was in the third grade, I was diagnosed with congenital heart disease, which was a bolt from the blue for my mother. I have always been alive and kicking, and my sports performance is excellent, so I actually got this disease! After finally accepting this fact, she made up her mind to ask the best doctor to operate on me. Since then, this has become her obsession. My mother took me to almost all the big hospitals in Shanghai. It's windy and rainy, and she always takes me to see a famous doctor in her car. In my memory, my mother always turned her face to me, holding the steering wheel and looking at the front with full attention. The sun shone on her face through the window, with a clear light and shadow, and a just right sense of majesty.
After many twists and turns, my mother finally chose Shanghai Children's Medical Center, which is the top hospital in China to treat children's heart disease.
I hung up several experts' special needs clinics, and my mother asked them to give me an operation plan. Finally, I invited Dr. Zheng, the dean, to perform an operation on me. I clearly remember that my mother hugged me excitedly and said in a trembling voice, dear, my mother has found the best doctor to operate on you, and you will be a healthy child in the future! But then the dean wanted to go abroad for further study, and I couldn't afford to drag on my illness, so I had to ask Master Yan, the vice president, to operate on me. My mother has always felt guilty for this, because she didn't ask the best doctor to operate on me, not this time, and there will be no chance in the future. In fact, although my illness is difficult to cure, I can recover as long as the operation is successful. Both the dean and the vice president have rich experience, and whoever gives me the operation is almost the same.
It is strange that my mother has never been able to give me a healthy body. She always thought that she was in poor health and affected the fetus some time before giving birth. She wanted to ask the best doctor to operate on me, but she didn't. In fact, she has nothing to blame from beginning to end. She works harder than other parents. Her remorse comes from her deep love for me, and she even vowed to love me for life. When my mother was in hospital, she often hid in the corner and wept silently. Her red eyes, choked voice, helpless like a child. I don't have the courage to comfort her for fear of touching her sadness. I always pretend as if nothing happened, and I don't know it every time. I don't think my mother wants me to see her fragile side, which is nothing like the image of a boudoir sitting in a car seat. It turns out that her shoulders are so narrow and she is so thin. It turned out that she was worthy of a golden bell jar and an iron blouse. It was just a coat of love. She just wants to show her strength in front of me. It turns out that my mother thinks I'm thin. People who are too obsessed are easy to get hurt, so I became my mother's obsession. At first I couldn't understand my mother's obsession, but then I came across the words in my mother's diary:
Baby, I'm sorry.
I can't give you a healthy body, and I can't even ask the best doctor to treat you to make up for what I owe you. I owe you so much in my life. Every time I look at you, tears always soak my smile. Remember, mom loves you.
So this is the essence of obsession. It seems that what my mother can't let go is her obsession, but in fact, she can't let go of my emotions. I remember when I was discharged from the hospital, one group suggested that I might have surgery in a few years. Perhaps it was this hint that made mother unable to let go, thus deepening her obsession. This is her way of loving me, and I should respect and understand her love. But my mother really doesn't have to blame herself. Time has passed so long. I didn't have a healthy life when my classmates went to the East Gate. I just want to say that my heart is still the same and my maternal love is eternal.