Since I'm walking, how can I "wake up"? In the first section, the sentence 1.2 and 3.4 are confused.
"I hear sailors" is a morbid sentence. You can only hear people talking, so "listen" should be changed to "look" or followed by "say" and "come".
"I use white fog to point the way" is another ill sentence, and "pointing" should be changed to "pointing"
When you jump forward, you have no time to look at the road ahead, and you can't "look up at the sky" at all. This is a common sense mistake.
"Seeing a bright sun" is another common sense mistake. The bright sun is too dazzling to see a "circle".
In the same sentence, the first paragraph and the second paragraph in front of you indicate inner confusion (thorns and white fog), while the third paragraph plays the role of inheritance and promotion, indicating that you see hope, then this hope can't be said to be very strong from the beginning (this contrast is not hope, but a complete turnaround), so this "sun" should not be decorated with "light".
In the last section, "Escape to a temple/wash away every pore on my body", in fact, what you want to express is to wash away my heart with the Buddha's Buddha, and the poetry of "washing pores" will be gone. It only reminds people of dirt.
A poem can become a poem because it can leave room for feelings and reverie. I hope to read more and understand more, and then create good works. I have always been happy to communicate with friends who love poetry. If you are interested, you can add friends from Baidu Space to discuss and make progress together.