I learned for the first time that Fortress Besieged originated from the TV series staged in 1990. Every actor in the play has a good characterization, especially Fang Hung-chien played by Chen. From charming appearance to inner temperament, the two seem to be integrated, with intellectual cowardice and contradiction, truth and humor. Because I remember that Fang Hung-chien was in Chen, and I felt sorry for him.
After the TV series, I watched the original fortress besieged several times. The original work is more exciting than the TV series, and the light reflected by the words shines brightly. Mr. Qian's style is humorous, spicy and philosophical. This is a book of wisdom. After reading it, I feel that my lips and teeth are fragrant. What impressed me most at that time was that Fang Hung-chien and Tang Xiaofu, two beloved people, could not be together. Their wandering story of breaking up completely on that rainy night made me shed a lot of tears, but the story of Fang Hung-chien and others traveling to San Lv University was my favorite, because "traveling is the most experimental way to acquire a person's personality"
Fortress Besieged by Mr. Qian Zhongshu shows us all kinds of human beings through the stories of intellectuals in the early days of the Anti-Japanese War. The most classic sentence in the besieged city is "people outside the besieged city want to rush in, while people inside the besieged city want to rush out". Today, this besieged city is not only aimed at love and marriage, but also an interpretation of life. Life is one besieged city after another, and perhaps everyone has a besieged city in his heart.
I also have a besieged city in my heart, where all my sorrows and sorrows of yesterday lived. I put them in exquisite boxes, locked them with rain and dew, buried them in time, and then walked out of the besieged city to complete the mission of life. Many years later, when I returned to this besieged city again, a small box floated quietly. Breeze promised to open the box. It turns out that all my thoughts about my dead mother are hidden here. "Time is not long, and my thoughts are full of the left atrium." Let me end this sadness in the besieged city.
02
My parents raised my four children, my brother and sister. My mother is the backbone of our big family. She is hardworking, capable, kind and virtuous. The family's monthly living expenses are arranged by her mother. At that time, the family was not rich, and the mother did not have a formal job, so she relied on her father's salary.
In my memory, our life is more than enough, because my mother always makes us new clothes and shoes with her skilled hands, and she always cooks different dishes to meet our needs. When school starts, my mother always prepares tuition in advance. Four children, I can't even imagine how difficult it was to maintain a family at that time, but I have never heard my mother and father arguing about money.
Now, but unlike those who have been poor together, parents sometimes quarrel, but it is basically the day before and the next day will be fine. There is no cold war. In the worst quarrel, I was actually very scared, worried that my parents would divorce, curled up in the quilt and worried about who I would follow one day.
Until one weekend, my classmates went home to play, and my tired mother insisted on waiting for my father who came back from fishing at the intersection. After my mother left, my classmates whispered to me, "Your parents are very loving." I began to remember that when my mother was ill, my father always took care of her personally, no matter how big or small, serving tea and finding remedies. I realized that maybe happiness is always hidden in the bits and pieces of life. Argument may be a way of communication. Mother is virtuous and capable, and only mother can control a loose father. In the besieged city of parents' marriage, the two held each other's hands and walked together for more than forty years. Marriage is different from love, and always revolves around daily necessities, pots and pans and many other trivial matters. In marriage, two people should keep growing, and life can't be poetic forever. We all live in a world of fireworks.
03
When I was a child, I was a wild child. After finishing my homework after school, I basically don't stay at home. My friends and I went crazy in the yard. Sometimes I pick up a pile of junk and carry it home like a baby, which makes my mother laugh and cry. After school in spring, I went to pick mulberries with my friends. At noon in summer, adults take a lunch break, and I am looking for a baby in the yard under the scorching sun. In autumn, I play on the opposite hillside and pick some wild flowers to play games. In winter, when the river freezes, I will go to the river to get some ice to go home, which makes my mother blame me dearly.
In a blink of an eye, we grew up slowly ... My mother was supposed to enjoy her old age, but she was diagnosed with lung cancer, and it was in the middle and late stages. The bad news is undoubtedly a bolt from the blue. We can't accept it, but we have to accept it if we don't want to face it.
It's only been more than a year since my mother got sick and died. I personally experienced the helplessness of my loved ones in the face of pain, watching the disease devour my loved ones bit by bit, and let a healthy person walk into the bottomless darkness day by day. Tears can no longer represent anything. At that time, the whole sky was gloomy and never lit up.
My brothers and sisters and I got together to celebrate my mother's last birthday. At that time, my mother was haggard and ran out of oil. Because of breathing difficulties, she can't lie flat on the bed, and she needs to use oxygen bottles to deliver oxygen every once in a while. When I saw my mother, she was lying on the bed with dark lips, sitting in front of her and calling her. She raised her head slightly, her eyes were a little distracted, she shook her hand gently, and she just sat silently. In the silence, I heard my mother's shortness of breath, which became heavier and heavier. Trying not to let the tears fall, this picture is fixed as the last side with my mother.
Seeing my mother again is the day after her birthday, and my mother has been lying quietly in the ice coffin. She left in a hurry and didn't put a shroud on her. When she was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment, she had to buy a full set of shroud near the hospital. In the secluded place of the crematorium, menstruation made a circle with bricks, and put the shroud and paper money that his mother could not wear in it. The flames were blazing, and everyone else left, but I stayed there, with tears streaming down my face and heartache. How could human life be so fragile? The mother who loved me and hurt me also left. From then on, the rain cries at night, and yin and yang are separated.
On the day of my mother's funeral, my father took my brother and sister and knelt in front of my mother's ice coffin. The father cried to reassure his mother that he would take good care of his four children in his lifetime. All the people present were moved by this situation.
At the farewell ceremony, the cloth on my mother's face was taken away, and she lay quietly in the ice coffin, her eyes closed, her face as gray as dust, so haggard and weak that I didn't know it, and I was so distressed that I was numb. I just hope my mother can go to heaven, where there will be no more pain.
04
It's been eleven years since my mother left me, and it's hard to forget it when you think about it. Since my mother died, I have never found the feeling of home, just like floating duckweed, unable to find a foundation. How many midnight dreams, my mother sat in front of my bed and looked at me kindly. When I tried to jump into my mother's arms, my dream broke into pieces, and my mother's smiling face seemed like a lifetime ago.
Every Mother's Day, my mother's blessing flies all over the sky. I can only silently put my thoughts in my heart and pray that my mother will be safe in heaven. I envy those children who are loved by their mothers, and I am a lonely grass without pity or love.
Year after year, year after year, spring, summer, autumn and winter, autumn and winter, spring and summer, things change. Eleven years, even if I hold the hand of the years hard, the pain in my heart will gradually calm down, but I still can't let go.
The night before my mother left, I had a dream for my father, "Old man, thank you for taking care of me. I have been tortured by this disease for so long. You must live a good life in the future ... ",I hope to have one heart and never give up. It is a fate and a blessing that husband and wife can stay together until they are old, and the husband and wife, the one who goes first, must be happy, at least there will be no pain and sadness of losing their partners.
Ask yourself, after so many years, what can't you let go? Is it because my father remarried? My father remarried less than half a year after my mother left. Recalling the ups and downs that my parents have gone through together, the bitterness in my heart is beyond words. On the day of mother's burial, a special person was left to guard his father, who cried with his mother's clothes in his arms.
But father, why don't you wait? Must we rush to the besieged city so soon to mend the wound? After my father remarried, I lost both maternal love and fatherly love and became an orphan completely. Like Chinese cabbage, I have a stepmother. I won't describe the feud after that here. From then on, put a lead seal on this past and dust it off.
I reflect on myself in the besieged city. Mom has been away for so many years, and she will definitely watch us in heaven, hoping that everyone of us will be happy. "Life is like a dream, white clouds are pale dogs, right and wrong, kindness and resentment, silence of the sun and the moon, and no trace of water".
What I couldn't figure out at first was my mother's departure, and my father's remarriage made me think about marriage in a different way. I imprisoned my heart in the besieged city, but I didn't look at the problem with rational thinking. A father should be a person first, and then a father. Everyone has the right to long for happiness. His mother's departure was a heavy blow to his father. His pain will not be less than any of our children. From our point of view, no matter how hard we try, we can't make up for his loss of his mother, because we lost our mother and his father lost his lover.
Now that the father is old and has a wife to take care of him, our children can rest assured. Why should I be so worried? Besides, I'm not a minor child. The elderly should have their own sunset glow, and we should accept the joy of the elderly and do our due filial piety. This is the best thing we should do.