Just say the beginning, "The elf on this paper is going to fly."
Baptized before God "is well written. Change it to "paper elves want to fly" upstairs.
To be baptized before God. "Not degradation. On the surface, it embellishes the language, but the taste becomes artificial. . . Sincerity and meaning are the true meaning of words.
Next, a pen that has been neglected for a long time, like a bloody sword left by a deserter, became evidence of my crime. . . "The idea is good, but there is a problem in logic.
"Desertion" should not correspond to "crime" in the usual sense (of course, from a humanitarian standpoint, war can be said to be a crime);
It's not "blood" on the murder weapon, but "blood" "Blood" means: "Detective, look, there is blood under the carpet at the crime scene" ... Can you understand this?
Then there is the word "sword", which has an ancient taste and should be used with caution.
My humble opinion is that either "like a bloody knife left by a murderer, it has become evidence of my crime"; Or "like a bloody knife left by a soldier, it has become evidence of my murder."
Later, "I killed a person on a piece of paper, and my spirit was illuminated by the sun ..." It was a bit confusing, and I couldn't figure out whether the author's emotional color was good or bad, so I couldn't make any suggestions.
The image choice of "I want to use the rugged mountains to demand the quietness of the stream and use the courage of the mirror to absorb the warmth of the sun" is a university question, which should be smart and appropriate, unconstrained and closely connected, detached from things and logical. I'm sorry to say that, my friend, but this sentence is not very successful.
Then you mentioned "fugitive". The word "escape" is well used here, but not in the front. As for being a "fugitive" or a "deserter", we can reconsider.
"I am experiencing eternal loss, so I can't see clearly that the lamp is bleeding and supporting the light all night." I can't understand what you mean by the introduction of "light". It may be the third main role in your poem besides you and pen, but I'm not sure ... I think it's still a logical problem.
"Where's my pen?" Hehe, that's what I want to ask. Friend, it seems that you have gone too far on the sideline before ... you haven't mentioned "pen" for too long, and I think you are aware of it, so you brought back the theme in this way. But this is not right. If we grasp the theme in this way, it will really become a mere formality.
Finally, take these four sentences as a whole: "Where is my pen?"
Where's a pen braver than a real gun?
Someone stole it as a ruler to measure sadness.
Or strong enough to be safe? "
It's so simple to end, I think this kind of consciousness is very valuable!
Compared with my pen upstairs,
Where is the brave pen?
Someone stole a ruler to measure sadness,
Or imprisoned in a well-lit exhibition hall? "
The original is really better. If you don't believe me, read it. Improper modification turned it into a dissatisfied wife's whisper ... (I think it's the girl upstairs! I'm not sexist, I'm also a girl, but my writing is too feminine, that is, I'm in a misunderstanding! )
I also like poetry, both modern and ancient. Personally, modern poetry is actually quite ambiguous, meaning "a thousand readers, a thousand Hamlets". The same is true of the author's poems, and it may be difficult for others to interpret them accurately except the author himself. But in my opinion, the charm of modern poetry lies in this obscurity. Individuals read their own taste and feel complacent. ......
My Baidu space has a good collection of poems. Oh, welcome to communicate ~