First of all, this poem by the poster is an ancient poem, which is a style of poetry that is earlier than Tang poetry. Since Tang poetry, there have been relatively strict restrictions on poetry. Generally speaking, poems with four or eight sentences are mostly composed of four or eight sentences, and usually the number of words in each sentence is equal. It is rare to see an uneven number of words like Chen Ziang's "Dengyouzhou Taige" (of course, because it is indeed a famous classic, it is generally included in anthologies of Tang poetry). ).
Secondly, I personally think the first two sentences of the original poster’s poem are very good. The last four sentences are also well written, but there is no rhyme. I feel that the poster wrote a poem about breaking up. I helped the poster modify it:
A cold-blooded star will live forever, and a ruthless sword will hurt a dragon.
The love thread was cut off, and Chanjuan died.
The wild goose has gone away in a heavy sinking, but it is so small that it suddenly flies into the sky.
The past seems like a dream, drifting with the west wind.
In addition, as for the name, I think since it is for the ex-girlfriend, you can name it with "for so-and-so", "for so-and-so", "for so-and-so". If you really can't think of a name, you can name it with " Named "Untitled", many ancient poems are named "Untitled".
I hope the above answers are helpful to you.