Author: Gao Jianqun
1
Lu Yao and I are brothers emotionally. There was a time when our feelings were as close as the closest brothers. It was also two lonely travelers who met together, and we had a dialogue about life and life problems. At that moment, we all realized the happiness of life. It should have been, and we are all looking forward to the coming of the period of confidence. However, this possibility is gone. Ask not for whom the bell tolls. The disappearance of a human member is the loss of all mankind. The death knell rings for him and for me. At the moment I received the bad news, I was immediately knocked down by a powerful blow, and my chest was full of sadness. I used this sentence as my condolence and posted it on 7 1 Jianguo Road. From then until now, I can't say a word except what I have to say in my life, but I feel pain. When his age and career are in full swing, he should not just give up and grow. The sudden death of Lu Yao gave me a strong shock. I am keenly aware of the ruthlessness and cruelty of the God of Destiny, the fragility and fragility of vitality, the fact that a living person has reason to be a pinch of soot at the moment we speak, and the fact that the lever between a time concept and a period concept on the tombstone can be drawn casually. Although our predecessors told us long ago that since we are alive, we must always be under the threat of death, and the ultimate winner is death, not you. This is a tragedy that human beings can resist but cannot solve, and it is a tragedy in the fundamental sense. But, my friend Lu Yao, did he die a little too soon? I remember when I was a child, meningitis was prevalent in the world, and children from neighbors died from time to time. At that time, I looked at those who lived long and died all day and envied them. I think this is a great achievement in itself, which is worthy of envy. During this period of time, the distrust of fate and the feeling of loneliness and helplessness like grass in the wind regained control of me. I often want to commit suicide to resist death, change and despise death.
2
In the early 1960s, a great event happened in the history of human conquest of space. A Soviet major named Gagarin flew into space in a spaceship. That night, in the desolate and barren northern Shaanxi Plateau, on the playground of a county middle school, stood a student named Wang Weiguo. Hungry and humble, he looked at the night sky and the moon with tears on his face. He realized all the tragedies of his life and those of his fellow villagers in an instant. At this moment, he had the great ambition to walk out of the yellow land and go to the big world. Many years later, in his novella Life, he named his ideal figure "Gao Jialin", which caused a strong sensation and was called "the tragedy of youth and passion" by Japanese critics (Lu Yao thought it was a pertinent evaluation of "life"). He pinned his dreams and blessings on this character.
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His childhood was poor, and this poverty was associated with humiliation. On weekdays, he didn't talk much about his childhood, and his experience made him wrap himself up so as not to get hurt, so as to complete the role given to him by life. However, when he relaxed himself, when he suddenly fell into a kind feeling, he suddenly recalled his childhood. He once told me that his father sent him to his uncle's house. They came to Yanchuan from Qingjian with food. After handing him over to his uncle, his father said, let him stay here for a while, and then he will pick him up again. The suffering peasant boy sent his father to the village entrance with tears in his eyes, watching his father's rickety figure walk towards the mountain road, and then he was blocked by a cliff. Only then did the tears fall. Then, he burst into tears, because he already knew that his father had adopted him to his uncle, but he forced himself not to puncture this when he saw him off.
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Under this kind feeling, what Lu Yao often falls into memory is his first love. I think it's probably a young man in Beijing jumping around in red to play cultural performances or something. After his life was completed, he returned to Yan 'an from Ganquan. I don't know where I got him two boxes of Chinese cigarettes, and then I got two more. He smoked greedily. That night, Yan 'an City was shrouded in moonlight. Like sleepwalkers, we walked up and down the street until midnight. "A great event is about to happen in the literary world of China!" He said he meant the package of life manuscripts. Suddenly, he talked about his first love. Tell how he accompanied her back to her hut after the rehearsal of the program by the literary and art team in a snowy winter. Stepping on the creaking snow, my hand accidentally touched hers. I'm a little timid, afraid that she will blame me. Who knows, instead, she grabbed my hand tightly with her hand. Lu Yao said. He also said that he had just returned to his room because of the award-winning "thrilling scene" and suddenly received a phone call from a strange woman. "Who are you? If you are all right, I will hang up! " At this time, the voice of fate came from the other end of the phone: "Do you really remember me? A familiar old friend! " The speaker, wearing a red trench coat, was waiting for him at the telephone booth across the street. He dropped the phone and ran down the stairs and crossed the road like crazy. "I wonder why the car didn't press me!" Lu Yao said. During their brief contact, the lady said that she had been to Xi and wandered around the residential building for a long time, but she didn't have the courage to ask him where he lived or to knock at the door. "Which balcony has no flowers and plants, which one is me." "She later married a naval officer!" Lu Yao said to me.
I don't know how true the story told by Lu Yao is, especially in the later part of the encounter. However, he did have such a first love, and he fell in love with her in a terrible and awesome relationship.
five
1983, returned to Yan' an. It was a day in late autumn and early winter, and the earth was cold. As soon as he saw me, he grabbed my hand. He was livid. He said that these days, there is only one sentence in his mind, that is, "Lu Yao, how deep your suffering is!" He stayed in Yan 'an for three days. To comfort him, I stayed with him in a hotel for three days. I said, "A writer will never be defeated! Go back to Yan' an at most. I will always be your friend. "Three days later, that frosty morning, I drove him to Dongguan Station and put him on a long-distance bus. A few days later, I wrote a poem for him, which was first published in Stars and later included in the first part of my poetry collection.
You have a friend.
Walking alone on the earth,
Sometimes there are inexplicable worries in my heart.
You want to chat with passers-by,
However, everyone is busy.
：
Call me! Call me! I'll come,
Like a bird landing on your shoulder,
My poem full of friendship,
It will become the song of birds.
Naturally, our life is infinitely beautiful.
Singing is always more than sadness.
But who can guarantee,
We have never been mocked by fate.
：
I woke up one morning,
Life suddenly has a strange rhythm,
Your wife left with someone else,
How lonely you are in an instant!
About work, about housing, about gas tanks,
Guilt of showing up uninvited,
And all the unpleasant things,
: including the unreasonable constraints of the leader on you.
：
Sometimes you pull out a white hair,
: lament the sad shortness of life;
Sometimes you will see the geese in the sky.
I long for it to take you with me.
Believe it, I will understand you.
I am your trusted friend,
Whether you fall into the abyss of pain or not,
: or go astray into the barren hills.
：
Maybe you only have one friend left,
That is me. I will hold your hand tightly.
I will give you comfort and friendship.
Give you advice and help from an elder brother.
My poems are my wings,
I will wander around you all day and all night,
Once you call me,
I will step into your mysterious country.
The endless love of mankind,
Is the bond that holds us together,
Between sincere friends,
Don't worry, who will owe who a favor.
：
Walking alone on the earth,
Sometimes there are inexplicable worries in my heart.
Believe me, I will come,
Like a bird landing on your shoulder.
：
By the way, speaking of poetry. After Life was published in the magazine, Lu Yao showed it to me. He said unnaturally that you wouldn't mind your poems being used in it! I said, I won't mind. I'm honored. "However," Lu Yao said tactfully, "it was a man named Huang Yaping in the book who occasionally read your poem and copied it in a notebook and gave it to Gao Jialin! Go after her! " Say that finish, we all burst out laughing.
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Readers may think that we are equal when they read this. I want to say that the reader is only half right. Yes, we are equal in character, especially for me, my mother's independent and uninhibited personality brings me, and I don't want anything to limit me. But on the technical issue of literature, I have always regarded him as a mentor, and his famous saying "Be strict with yourself" has always been a warning whip for me to spur myself. In this land of northern Shaanxi, he will always be the first violinist. When he returned to Yan 'an several times, he said to us in a sarcastic tone, "What are you busy with? Worried and indignant about things that are not worth it. Why not put these aside and write your own work? Write 2000 words a day, one month is a novella, and then spend another month revising and copying. After a few novellas, no one can help you. " His words always teach me a lesson.
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Lu Yao is a figure full of contradictions. Perhaps, he himself is more wonderful, complex and unique in literature than any character in his novels. It's a pity that he died young, and it's impossible to show it again. This is the loss of all mankind! The loss of the overall interests of mankind! I have told Lu Yao many times. I said that if you are hit hard, get rid of the current life track and introspect yourself, there will be more wonderful works than Life and Ordinary World. This time, fate provided him with a blow from illness. Unfortunately, he failed to overcome it. Let me curse fate beyond infinite regret and sadness.
I went to see him three times during my illness. Twice in Yan 'an and once in Xi 'an. The first time I saw him, I brought him a Hongta Mountain that I couldn't bear to smoke from Luochuan County Party Secretary. The wife said that the doctor would definitely not let him smoke. I said, as long as he is Lu Yao and as long as he is alive, he must smoke. Sure enough, he happily took my cigarette and began to smoke. The first thing Lu Yao said was that this is a writer's tragedy, and I am willing to trade all my gains for it (referring to my body). He told me to cherish my health and had better go to the hospital for a comprehensive examination. Then he asked my child, and he said she should be in the fourth grade. He said that his illness completely changed his outlook on life. He loves all people in the world, and all people are his friends. When he said this, his eyes filled with tears. I sat by the bed and held his hand tightly. He said not to be so infectious. But I stubbornly persisted until I left. Seeing him curled up on the bed, thin and shapeless, this small house full of depression, I remembered the last scene of Julian Sohail in prison in Red and Black. I finally failed to hold back my tears. "How did you get yourself into this!" I said. The second time, I accompanied Comrade Wang Jucai to see him. The third time, I was in Xi 'an. I came back from Beijing and stayed in Xi 'an for a few days. I asked Yuancun to take me to see him. As a result, I couldn't see him, and the doctor asked me to leave a note. I said on the note: Brother Lu Yao, all my friends bless you. You are a strong person, and you will definitely cross this threshold. I will pray for you.
A few days later, I went to the provincial writers association for a meeting. I called, but I still haven't seen him. 13 that night, I heard the leader of the writers association who met him say that Lu Yao was in good condition and could eat four or two meals a day, so there would be no more danger. Later, Guan Sheng came and said that Lu Yao had talked about me and that "Jianqun is a good man"! This is the last sentence that Lu Yao left me. Thank you, dear friend. I left Xi on 15 and passed through Huangling, where I gave a speech. I am delighted to tell my friend that Lu Yao is much better, and he has finally crossed the threshold. Who knows, on the third day, he died.
eight
In Ordinary World, Lu Yao approached the stage of actual creation, and had several long talks with me about the general outline of the novel all night. He said that this kind of long talk is good and can help him improve his works and characters. I remember, at that time, he also set the overall title of the novel as "Towards the Great World", and positioned the titles of the three parts as loess, black gold and the Great World respectively. I don't know how he was inspired to choose the name "Ordinary World", which has both coverage and profound connotation. I write these now, which may provide some historical materials for literature. Later, I accompanied him to Diantou Coal Mine in Huangling, where I interviewed him for several days and collected materials in order to achieve an accurate description.
Lu Yao is an important novelist in the new period literature. I think my evaluation should be fair. As an appealing image, Lu Yao will constantly inspire the dreams of the new generation on this yellow land, and I think this is beyond doubt.
nine
Northern Shaanxi, this scorched earth, this desolate northern Yuan Ye illuminated by the Big Dipper. I always believe that various factors make this place a gathering place for heroes and epics. One of the reasons is that material poverty breeds people's rich spiritual imagination. A beggar's dream is the richest. After reading Pushkin's The Story of the Fisherman and the Goldfish, a pupil ran barefoot to the Yellow River, waiting for such a goldfish to appear. A middle school student stood hungry under the night sky, imagining that the running star was carrying Major Gagarin. This kind of imagination is the compensation of suffering to people in northern Shaanxi. I once accompanied a prefectural party committee secretary to the countryside. When the guest house asked him for advice on food, he said with relief that I was a beggar, so I still have nothing to complain about such food! Just for his words, I have been in awe ever since. There are only two reasons. I think this is the result of ethnic blending, that is, in terms of distance, he obviously has the characteristics of ethnic minorities. I once looked at a lock of hair in his ear and said that he must have Xiongnu blood (another friend of mine, Liu Chengzhang, an outstanding essayist, bluntly admitted that he had Xiongnu blood). Marx said that ethnic blending is sometimes the driving force of historical progress. The distinct advantages and disadvantages of northern Shaanxi people's character may only be explained by this kind of ethnic blending. The third reason, I want to say, is the influence of history on real life, which can be traced back to Mao Zedong in the 13th year of glory, to Liu Zhidan and Xie Zichang, to Spartak's tragic hero, to Li Zicheng, which is rampant all over the world, and even to Gongsun Xuanyuan, a demigod in the period of national barbarism.
In the novel The Last Xiongnu, I tried to analyze this kind of human psychology. There used to be inscriptions in novels. After seeing the dying road, I flew into a rage at this injustice of fate and changed another sentence as an inscription to show my contempt for fate and protest against death. This sentence is: "Let me die like a white swan!" " I will present the original words I saved and write them here.
"In this remote corner of the earth, there are some strange people living. They are stubborn, they are naive and kind, their hearts are higher than the sky, their lives are thinner than paper, they are pretentious and even arrogant, they are a little neurotic, they are dreaming heroic dreams from generation to generation and creating legends with themselves. They are the perfect combination of Spartak and Don Quixote. They are the last knights living on this plateau, although their mounts were lost two thousand years ago. They call death' going up the mountain', birth' becoming a monk' and the process of survival itself' suffering'.
10
Writing here, I can't help but think with regret that Lu Yao has one of the biggest shortcomings besides all the glittering advantages of gold, that is, he has too many desires. He doesn't understand that he should resolutely relax when it is time to relax. He doesn't understand that life can only do one thing. He doesn't understand that he can't chase two rabbits at the same time. As a result, the rabbit didn't catch up, and Mr. Wang was ill. It is difficult for him to live in harmony with his surroundings. I think his miserable childhood brought him many good qualities, which is also his shortcoming. Northern Shaanxi is a land where "the preaching of saints is ignored here", which has brought vigorous creative spirit and two passions of Spartak and Don Quixote to this group of human beings. It also makes us less mean. Great gains, little losses, that's all.
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My respected friend Lu Yao, when he was alive, said to the world one day: "Who can comment on me!" " "I said," one day, let me express my opinion! " He said, "maybe you can express your opinion! "So, now, I will comment on you and summarize you in my form with infinite love and brotherhood and with a serious attitude of historical materialism. Can you accept it? " Why didn't I say these words for you when you were alive? Whether you are happy or not! "I think at the moment.
Let's cry. If we can't cry, it's because of Lu Yao's death that we should learn to cry and use crying as a weapon to deal with this desolate world. Unamuno said, "We must learn to cry. Perhaps this is the highest wisdom of mankind. " Of course, we cry mainly for the dead, but perhaps half of the reason is that we are still living in the world and entangled in various trivial customs. We will temporarily forget the pain by crying. Keep walking. As for me, I hope that after this composition is finished, my hands will stop shaking when I hold a pen.
"Go first for God" was caught by the old man sunbathing in the street. This sentence is full of great wisdom and great wisdom, which surprised me. The philosophical attitude of northern Shaanxi people who know life and death is expressed in a calm tone through this sentence. This sentence makes my sadness much less. Then, in this way, it left happily. Let's mourn and ask all the friends who have suffered for Yao Lu's death to mourn.
Brother Lu Yao, where is your soul willing to settle in this loess plateau? Please play the suona, please hold high the flag and let us help you climb the mountain. ...