They all write about girls.
Actually, I wrote about you, too.
Whispering night wind
step out
The center of the old city
Lock the clouds on the horizon at dusk
I haven't seen dusk for a long time.
I haven't seen you for a long time.
Just like in your eyes
There was a dark cloud and a light rain.
There were also misty rains in the Spring and Autumn Period.
The past is about to leave.
Who is whose who?
Who is who's fan?
I like ...
I love the loneliness in this world.
I also love the sea and water in this world.
I love everything in this world.
Loved all the wandering lovers
A gray smile
A gloomy night
Emit a terrible white light
People are cold.
Grey life is impermanent.
Growing in the surrounding gray
Let the fake smile become the umbrella of loneliness
Let gray be a shield for ridicule.
My heart is desolate.
A clear and windy sky
With a gray smile.
Laugh at others.
Cry to yourself
No one knows the teeth in my smile.
How tight is the bite?
No one knows my heart.
The more you laugh, the whiter your hair becomes.
Of the three poems, one is weaker than the other, and the first one is still remarkable.
who
They all write about girls.
Actually, I wrote about you, too.
(Comment: This is a great opening)
Whispering night wind
step out
The center of the old city
Lock the clouds on the horizon at dusk
(Comment: The use of images is acceptable, but the poetry is not concise)
I haven't seen dusk for a long time.
I haven't seen you for a long time.
Just like in your eyes
There was a dark cloud and a light rain.
(Comment: The poem is too straightforward and the tension is not enough)
There were also misty rains in the Spring and Autumn Period.
The past is about to leave.
(Comment: I don't know what to say)
Who is whose who?
Who is who's fan?
(Comment: Junk End)
———————————————————————————
who
They all write about girls.
Actually, I wrote about you, too.
Whispering in the evening breeze
The old city locks the night clouds.
When you pass the old city,
I didn't see you at dusk.
Spring didn't come
You are a light rain
Spring is coming
You are the light rain in my eyes.
————————————————————————————
I modified it according to your image. The purpose of the revision is not to change the poem well, but to let you understand the basic logic of the poem. If you want to know more, you can ask me for a paid question and answer. The cost is probably a cup of milk tea.
It can be seen that the author is consciously dealing with his own personal experience and trying to express it in his own words.
I think this direction is fine. Writing poetry is to dare to write about yourself and deal with your own personal experience. Although the author's expression is straightforward and melodramatic, it is better than those who pile up words and engage in imitation shows of famous poets' poems.
Thank you for inviting me! There is always a saying, don't blame!
To tell the truth, I have only read these poems once, because there is no desire and there is no need to read them again.
Let's digress first, and the author will feel better if you digress. It should be said that poetry writing is far more difficult than other literary genres. But why do so many people claim to love poetry creation today? I think there is indeed a reason for the expansion of the audience base of poetry, but this is not the main reason. The main reason is
On the basis of today's convenient media information transmission, it is driven by utilitarianism.
In the words of a writer's association poet, "writing poems with fewer words saves time and effort." To put it bluntly, this is the original intention of most people who claim to love poetry and write poetry.
Of course, I want to make it clear here that I am not talking about the authors of these poems shown by the subject, but the current poetic style.
It is difficult for us to strictly define what is poetry, but it is easy for us to distinguish what is not poetry. So when discussing poetry, we can't bring a few questions.
1. It doesn't mean dividing words into lines or poems. Too many people divide prose sentences into several lines and think they are poems. This means that it is "like poetry" in form or structure, but far from poetry.
2. There is the author's feelings and images, but the whole article is only the author's personal subjective catharsis, that is, the so-called "poems" for the purpose of writing poems can be seen everywhere. For example, these songs in the title are like this.
Of course, as a true poetry lover, it is understandable and acceptable to write such poems at first, but looking around, how many "writers' association poets" are still circulating in this routine, which makes people sigh.
Because this kind of "poem" is actually a word game, that is, self-entertainment at the text level, there is nothing "created" by the author at all.
Then I'll talk about my direct feelings after reading these poems. These works express a kind of universal youth sadness in adolescence.
This kind of hazy emotional experience is indeed universal, but the author only expresses the kind of light and hazy sadness that is common in everyone. Apart from subjective venting, there is no deeper original discovery, and whether it is emotional or poetic excavation, it is a cliche. So, this is a personal diary. According to the standards of poetry, there is still a long way to go. Come on!
It's natural,
It's also smooth.
not bad
Possession is human temperament, the first song is good!