Sister:
Hello!
I saw the competition poem written by your subordinate that you sent.
As for you asking me to help you improve, first of all, thank you for your trust in your sister.
Actually, I am not good at writing poetry, especially the main theme, I have almost never written it. Therefore, asking me to revise this poem really feels a bit like trying to do what I want.
However, although I will not change it, if a proposition composition is given to me and it must be completed, I will have to come up with it as soon as I know how to do it. Now I will give you a rough idea, for reference only.
First, according to the title, I understand that the main purpose is to highlight the effects achieved through community work and highlight its achievements. Then, there is no need to write about the superiority of the workplace and other environments. Doing so will overwhelm the work and weaken the work effect. . If I were to write about it, I wouldn't mention the spacious office, but how to turn poor people's dilapidated houses into safe houses. Only in this way can the effect of the work be highlighted.
Second, poetry, such as this kind of recitation poetry that expresses the main theme, requires passionate language, and typical and moving examples are even more necessary. Therefore, some extremely typical examples must be reasonably and appropriately placed in the middle. For example, how to help poor households, how to help the disabled, etc. In fact, in their daily work, your staff must have done a lot of good deeds that made the people cry. Put them into poetry and use the most refined words. Just recite the language.
Third, use a combination of narrative, argumentative, and lyrical techniques to achieve an effect that is both convincing and moving to the audience.
Fourth, the most obvious difference between reciting poetry and other poems is that the language should be read catchy, so that you can’t be sloppy and use less structural particles, such as "的", When you want to highlight the place, it is necessary to make appropriate use of punctuation to break the emphasis.
Fifth, this type of recital poetry should also pay attention to the structural arrangement. For example, first write about the current harmonious scene, then compare it with the past, and then look forward to a better future. Which one is first and which one is last must be clarified clearly. You cannot talk about the present and then the past for a while, or return to the present as you talk. Talking in a rolling wheel will make the listener feel confused.
Sixth, search on the Internet. There are many articles covering this topic. Please refer to it.
The above is my humble opinion. Maybe what I said doesn’t make sense at all. It’s just that my sister thinks highly of it. I couldn’t leave without a reply, so I said this in a hasty way. Please forgive me for any mistakes. Thank you again, sister, for watching.
Sister
Ju Jie
November 1, 2012