Being kind to yourself is easier said than done. What we need to do is to improve our self-sympathy.
Buddhists divide the power of self-pity into three levels: being kind to oneself, understanding human consciousness and mindfulness.
To be kind to yourself is to treat yourself and understand yourself with the kindest part of your heart. For example, if you make a mistake, many people will unconsciously criticize and vilify themselves with words like "I am useless" and "I will not succeed". People who know how to be kind to themselves will warm themselves with their inner kindness, and when they make mistakes, they will say to themselves, "It doesn't matter, although I was wrong, I have worked hard and will succeed next time." We can be kind to ourselves, turn our severe criticism into a motive force to nourish ourselves, and let flowers grow in our hearts instead of thorns.
* * * Children's human consciousness is to make themselves realize that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. Everyone will experience pain, and you are not alone on the road of pain. This understanding will make us feel that even if we make mistakes, we can be tolerated instead of feeling alienated.
Mindfulness meditation allows me to conduct a comprehensive and detailed in-depth scan of my physical and psychological feelings. Mindfulness can provide a more comprehensive and broader perspective to examine our situation when we are in a difficult stage, help us see and understand the pain, and actively get out of it instead of being swallowed up by it.
These three aspects of consciousness constitute our self-sympathy. Now a large number of psychological studies have confirmed that people with high self-sympathy have higher life satisfaction, emotional intelligence, social skills and curiosity about life. On the contrary, people with low self-sympathy will have more depression, anxiety, fear and other emotions, and will be more harsh on themselves.
So, how to improve self-compassion? Above all, don't compare yourself with others and don't be conceited. Different from self-esteem, self-pity ability brings us emotional flexibility. Self-esteem depends on our success, while self-pity is based on the improvement of our sense of value.
To improve self-compassion, first ask yourself the following questions.
"What do I need?"
When we are in negative mood or threatened, it is difficult to answer this question rationally and realistically. If it is difficult for you to answer this question at once, then the following questions may give you some guidance.
"What have I done to reward myself?"
When you were in prosperity, what did you do to make yourself happy, such as fitness, gathering with friends, watching movies, listening to concerts, etc. Then, when you are in trouble, can you also do these things that are beneficial to you?
The training of self-pity ability needs to make yourself jump out to see yourself. Then you can ask yourself:
"What would I say to my best friend if it were the same?"
We jump out and think of ourselves as best friends. Will our tone be kinder, warmer and more caring? Comfort yourself like your best friend.
Self-pity is like the integration of yin and yang in Taoism. First, constantly nourish yourself with comfort, soothing psychology and self-confirmation; The second is to take action to protect, support and motivate yourself.
This requires taking actions that suit you according to your actual situation. For example, you say something about yourself, or comfort yourself with your own behavior. Try to put your hand on your heart and care for yourself like a friend in your arms. You can relax yourself by taking a nap or doing a breathing meditation. Sometimes, being kind to yourself may just need to bravely say "no" to others. In any case, we need to protect ourselves with a healthy diet and enough sleep, just as we encourage our friends to encourage ourselves and say to ourselves, "I believe you, you can do it!" " "
There are many ways to be kind to yourself, but whether you can make yourself happy and grow up successfully depends not on what you have done, but on why you have done it.
For example, you often lose sleep at night, your heart is pounding because of recent setbacks, and you are upset because of self-condemnation. Therefore, you should be kind to yourself and comfort yourself. You gently say encouraging words to yourself and hug yourself with your hands, hoping that this will alleviate your pain. Whether this method works or not depends on whether you understand what you want to do. Only by facing this problem directly can your self-pity work. Ask yourself, "Why should I comfort and hug myself?" "Because I want to get better now" "Because I want to love myself!"
Be kind to yourself. How much did you do?