"Bing" Bing Xin
A giant spirit's palm broke me out of the dense web of depression and pain, and I cried my first sad cry.
When I opened my eyes, one of my legs was still lifted upside down in the palm of the giant spirit. I saw my two small red and exquisite hands waving in the air above my head.
The palm of another giant spirit gently held my waist. He smiled and turned back to a woman lying on her back on a white lathe and said, "I'm so happy, what a fat boy!" Put me in a small basket covered with white cloth.
I struggled to look outside: I saw many nurses in white clothes and hats noisily surrounding the woman silently. Her face was pale and covered with sweat. She moaned slightly, as if she had just woken up from a nightmare. The eyelids were red and swollen, and the eyes were half-opened. When she heard the doctor's words, she rolled her eyes and burst into tears. As if I had put down a hundred hearts, I smiled tiredly, closed my eyes, and said, "Thank you for your hard work!"
I burst into tears: "Mother, we are the ones who have worked hard. Yeah, we all struggled out of death just now!"
The nurses in white pushed the mother's lathe out in a noisy manner. I was also lifted up and carried out the door. The doctor waved, and a man walked past at the other end of the corridor. He also seemed to have just woken up from a nightmare. At this time, he stretched out his hands happily, as if he wanted to hug him but did not dare to hug him. He looked at me with pity and surprise in his eyes. The doctor smiled: "This child is good." "What?" He mumbled as if he was embarrassed, "This kid has such a long head." At this moment, I suddenly felt that I had a terrible headache, and I started crying again: "Father, you don't know, my head is too long." It hurts so much.”
The doctor laughed: “It’s so loud!” A nurse stood beside me and took me over with a smile.
Enter a large room full of sunlight. Under the surrounding walls, there are many small white frame beds placed in rows, with children lying inside. Some raised their hands to their heads and slept peacefully; some cried and said: "I'm thirsty!" "I'm hungry!" "I'm too hot!" "I'm wet!" Holding me The nurse seemed to have never heard me. She walked quickly and peacefully past their bed, went into the inner bathroom, and placed my head on the stone table next to the basin with my head facing the water pipe.
The warm water from the shower head sprayed on my head, and all the sticky blood washed away. I shuddered and my mind immediately refreshed. Looking up, across the basin, there was also a child lying on the stone table opposite, and another nurse was also washing him. He has a round head, big eyes, dark skin, and a strong chest. He was also awake, silently looking at the sky outside the window. At this time, I was lifted up, and the nurse gently supported my shoulders and put on my long white clothes. The children were also dressed, and we were facing each other across the basin. The nurse who washed me smiled and said to her companion: "That child of yours is so strong and big, but not as fair and delicate as mine!" At this time, the child raised his head and looked at me, smiling with a hint of pity.
I shyly and softly said: "Okay, kid." He also said humbly: "Okay, kid." At this time, we were placed in two small frame beds next to each other. , the nurses are all gone.
I said: "My whole body hurts so much. The struggle in the last four hours was really not easy. How about you?"
He smiled and held his fist: " No, I was just bored for half an hour. I didn’t suffer, and neither did my mother.” I sighed in silence and looked around. He comforted me and said, "You are tired. Go to sleep. I want to rest my mind for a while."
I was picked up from my deep sleep and carried to the big glass door. There were several young men and women standing in the corridor outside the door, with their noses and hands pressed against the glass of the door, like a group of children standing outside the window displaying Christmas gifts, looking greedy and envious. They laughed, pointed and talked to each other, saying that my eyebrows were like my aunt's, my eyes were like my uncle's, my nose was like my uncle's, and my mouth was like my aunt's, as if they wanted to swallow me up in pieces.
I closed my eyes and tried to shake my head, but I realized that my neck was hurting. I cried loudly and said, "I'm just myself. I don't look like anyone else. Let me rest." Go!”
The nurse smiled and turned back with me in her arms. I saw them turning back in three steps and pushing each other out with a smile.
The children also woke up and greeted me: "You're up, who's coming to see you?" As I was being put down, I said: "I don't know, maybe aunts and uncles, some young people." , they all seem to love me."
The child said nothing and smiled again: "You're so lucky. It's our second day here, and I haven't even seen my father yet."
I didn’t know that in my groggy state, I had been sleeping for a long time. At this time, I felt the pain all over my body was getting better, but my bottom was wet again. I also learned to cry intermittently: "I'm wet! I'm wet!" Sure enough, a nurse came over soon and picked me up. I was very happy, but she gave me water first without thinking.
It was around dusk when three or four nurses came in noisily, their stiff white dresses rustling. They picked us up one after another and changed our diapers one by one. The children were very happy and said: "We are all going to see our mother, goodbye."
"
The child was pushed out on the big bed cart with everyone. I was picked up and carried out. After passing the glass door, I walked into the first room on the right side of the corridor. My mother was Lying on the high white bed, the nurse greeted me with eyes eager for surprise. She put me on her arms and untied her arms shyly. She seemed to be very young, and her dark hair was pulled back. The eyebrows are as light and curved as the crescent moon. The bloodless pale face is lined with large and dark eyes, which look like a stone statue under the dim shadow of the lamp beside the bed.
I opened my mouth to suck! Suckling my breasts, my mother put her cheek against my hair, rubbed my fingers, and looked at me carefully, seemingly filled with infinite pleasure and surprise. Twenty minutes passed. I haven't eaten anything yet. I was hungry again and my tongue hurt, so I opened my mouth and let the nipple fall out. My mother was very frightened and kept shaking my head and saying, "Baby, don't cry." Don't cry! "I hurriedly rang the bell again, and a nurse came in. The mother smiled and said, "Nothing else, I have no milk, and the child keeps crying. What should I do? The nurse also smiled and said, "It doesn't matter, it will happen sooner or later. The child is still young, so he doesn't care yet." "As he came to hug me, my mother let go of her hand lovingly.
When I returned to my bed, the child was already on his bed. He slept soundly, smiling from time to time in his sleep, as if Very satisfied and happy. I looked around. Many children were sleeping happily, some were humming and crying a few times. I cared a lot when I came here, but no one knew. I felt jealous and ashamed when I saw everyone sleeping with full stomachs, so I cried loudly, hoping to attract people's attention. I cried for more than half an hour. , and then a nurse came over, pouting coquettishly, patting me, and said, "Really! Your mother won't give you enough to eat. Just drink some water! "She put the nipple of the water bottle in my mouth, and I sucked it while whimpering, and slowly fell asleep.
When I took a bath the next day, the child and I lay on the water basin again. The two sides were talking. He was full of energy. He shook his head, half-closed his eyes, and said with a smile: "I had a full meal yesterday!" My mother's dark and round face is very beautiful. I am her fifth child. She told the nurse that it was her first time to go to the hospital to give birth and that she was introduced by the Salesians. My father was very poor and was a butcher and slaughtered pigs. "——At this time, a drop of boric acid water suddenly sprinkled his eyes. He shouted a few times in disgust, struggled to open his eyes again, and said, "Pig slaughterer! What a joy, the white knife goes in and the red knife comes out! When I grow up, I also follow my father's example and slaughter pigs - not only pigs, but also those pig-like people who eat and do nothing! "
I listened quietly. When I got here, I quickly closed my eyes and said nothing.
The child asked: "What about you? Are you full? How is your mother? ”
I was also excited: “I haven’t eaten anything, and my mother’s milk has not come down. The nurse said it will come back in a day or two.” My mother is so kind. She can read. There are many books piled on the table beside the bed, and the room is surrounded by flowers. "
"Where is your father? "
"Father didn't come, and she was alone in the room. She didn't talk to anyone either, and I didn't know anything about my father. "
"That's a first-class room," the child said with certainty, "a room for one person!" My mother's place was busy, with more than a dozen beds. Many of the children's mothers were there, and the children were well fed. "
Another day passed, and I saw my father. When I was breastfeeding, he leaned sideways against my mother's pillow. Their faces were close to each other, staring at me. My father was very thin. His face is pale yellow, his eyelashes are very long, his eyes seem to be thinking a lot, and there are always slight wrinkles on his forehead.
My father said: "Look carefully this time." The child is very beautiful, just like you! "
My mother smiled and gently rubbed my face: "They are like you, with such big eyes. "
My father stood up, sat on the chair next to the bed, held his mother's hand, and patted it gently: "Now, we are not lonely anymore. I will help you take care of him when I come back from get out of class. , play with him; during the holidays, take him to visit mountains and rivers. ——This child must pay attention to his health and not be like me. Although I am not sick, I am not strong..."
My mother nodded and said, "Yes - he also needs to learn music and painting early. I don't know these things myself, and I always feel that life is not satisfactory. ! And..."
My father smiled: "What kind of 'family' do you want him to be in the future? writer? musician? "
The mother said: "Anything is fine - he is a boy. China needs science, and I’m afraid scientists are the best. "
At this time, I couldn't suck the milk out, and I was so irritated that I wanted to cry. But listening to them talking so enthusiastically, I stopped talking.
Father said: " We should save for his education expenses. The sooner we prepare this amount, the better.
"
The mother said: "I forgot to tell you, my brother said yesterday that when the child reaches six years old, he will give the child a small bicycle!
The father laughed and said: "This child has everything. Wasn't his cradle a gift from my sister?" "
My mother hugged me tightly, kissed my hair, and said: "My little baby, you are so good, so many people love you! When you grow up, you have to be a good boy..."
With full joy, I went back to bed and ignored my hunger. I looked up at the child, but he was deep in thought.
p>I smiled and said, "Kid, I saw my father. He is also very good. He is a teacher. He and his mother are discussing how to educate me in the future. My father said that whatever he could do that was beneficial to me, he would try his best to do it. My mother said it doesn’t matter if I don’t have milk. I’ll just eat milk powder when I get home. I’ll also drink orange juice from now on, and I’ll also eat…” I continued in one breath.
The child smiled, as if with pity and contempt: “ You are so happy. After I returned home, I had no milk to eat. My father came today and told my mother that someone was looking for her to be a wet nurse. We have to go in a day or two! I went back to follow my grandmother, who is over sixty years old. I eat rice soup, cakes...but I don't care! ”
I was silent, all the joy in my heart disappeared, and I felt ashamed.
The child’s eyes shone with pride and bravery: “You will always be the one in the greenhouse.” A pot of small flowers blooms delicately and delicately under the uniform temperature, impervious to wind and rain. As for me, I am the grass beside the road. I have to endure the trampling of people and the violent storms. If you look out from afar through the glass window, you may feel pity for me. However, above my head, there is an infinite sky; around me, there is endless air. There are free butterflies and crickets singing and flying next to me. My brave humble companion cannot be burned or cut off. Under people's feet, green embellishments are all over the world! "
I was so embarrassed that I wanted to cry, "I don't want to be so delicate myself! ..." I said.
The child seemed to have woken up, calmed down, and comforted me and said: "Yes, none of us want to be different from the other, but all kinds of things separate us. ——Let’s see later! "
The snow outside the window is falling non-stop, like cotton wool, and there are several snow ditches evenly piled on the green tiles. My mother and I are going home to celebrate the New Year. The child is going because his mother is going We have to go back to work before the end of the year. We only have half a day to get together. In the vast sea of ??people, we will disappear into the chaotic noise of the city. When can we meet again under the same roof tiles? Sleeping?
We looked at each other lovingly. In the dim light, the child’s face gradually enlarged in my slightly dizzy eyes. , the slightly protruding chin shows determination and courage. "He slaughtered pigs—people?" "I thought, my little hands stretched and contracted at the bottom of the quilt, feeling how insignificant I was!
When I came back from my mother, the news we reported to each other was that we all changed our plans to go back tomorrow - January 1st. My father is afraid that there will be too much work on New Year's Eve, and the child's father will go out to avoid debts on New Year's Eve. He is afraid that his mother will be surrounded by creditors, so we don't have an extra day to leave the hospital! /p>
Since midnight, we have been hearing firecrackers, far and near, and a few cold dogs in the snow, which seems to tell us that a grudge in life will come to an end tomorrow. Before putting on the mask of modesty and joy again, this night, try your best to swallow, complain, and cry. Amidst the sound of thousands of firecrackers and the gloomy streets and alleys, there are thousands of terrible emotions hidden. The excitement...
I looked back at the child. He bit his lower lip and said nothing. This night, like slow water, the water was about to pass. , I heard the child sighing on his bed.
It was getting brighter. Two nurses came in with New Year's smiles on their faces, and one of them opened my bath for us. After putting on a small suitcase, she put on a white velvet jacket, a long white velvet vest and pajamas. After putting on a pea green velvet jacket, a hat and socks, she picked me up and said with a smile: "
You are so beautiful, look at how well your mother can dress you up! "I felt very soft and comfortable, but also very hot. I was so irritable that I wanted to cry.
The child was also lifted up. I was stunned, I almost didn't recognize him! He was wearing a large thick blue cloth. The cotton-padded jacket has very large and long sleeves, and there are stitches on it; underneath it is also an apron of faded blue cloth. Just a kite! I looked down at the two sets of identical white clothes that were taken off from us, and I suddenly shuddered. We were separated forever, both spiritually and materially. /p>
The children also saw me, smiled proudly and said, "You are so beautiful, with such beautiful and soft clothes!" My body is my armor. I want to go to the battlefield of society and compete with others for food! "
The nurses hurriedly picked up the white clothes on the ground and threw them into the basket. Then they hurriedly carried us out. When we walked to the glass door, I couldn't help crying. The children couldn't help crying either. We waved our hands and said, "Children! Goodbye! Goodbye! "As we walked along, our cries disappeared at both ends of the corridor.
My mother has dressed up and is standing at the door of the house. Her father was standing next to her carrying a small box. Seeing me coming, my mother quickly reached out to take me, looked at my face carefully, wiped away my tears, hugged me, and said, "Baby, don't cry! We are going home, a happy home, and my mother loves me too." You, daddy loves you too!”
A wheelbarrow rolled over, and my mother put a green velvet blanket around me and hugged me to sit on it. My father followed behind. I thanked the doctors and nurses who were seeing me off, said goodbye, and then got off the elevator together.
Through the two half-glass doors, I saw a car parked at the door. My father stepped forward and opened the door, blowing in a burst of snowflakes, and my mother quickly covered my face. It seemed like we were getting out of the wheelbarrow again, out the door, into the car, and the door slammed shut. My mother lifted the blanket from my face and I saw the car full of flowers. I am in my mother's arms, with my father's and mother's faces pressed against mine.
At this time, the car had slowly turned out of the gate. There were many foreign cars crowded outside the door. As they gave way one after another, I suddenly looked up and saw my little friend who I had been dating day and night for the past ten days! He is in the arms of his father. His mother was carrying Qing's cloth bundle. The two of them stood sideways at the door, with their backs to us. His father wore a wide-brimmed green felt hat on his head and a large blue cotton robe on his body. Under the wide brim of the hat, the child was leaning on his shoulders, facing me, with snowflakes falling between his brows and on his cheeks. He closed his eyes tightly, with a haughty smile on his face... He had begun to enjoy his struggle! ...
As soon as the car drove out the door, it kept speeding. Snowflakes were dancing on the road. The New Year's gongs and drums can be faintly heard. My mother leaned close to my ear and said, "Baby, look at this flat and white world!"
I cried.
August 5, 1931. Haidian.