Parents must set a good example for their children in words, behaviors and life actions. You must never say what you don't want your child to say or do what you don't want your child to do. If you forbid your child to say anything bad or do anything bad, but you say and do it yourself, you can't expect your child to listen to you. Even if they dare not resist outside, their hearts will never obey. If you want your son to honor his parents, you must honor them. You must be honest if you want your children not to lie. If you want your children not to steal, you can't take any ill-gotten gains. If you want to keep your children away from lewdness and filth, you must be holy and self-controlled. If you have good words and deeds, your children can easily imitate you. Even if they are not good children, you have the right to discipline them.
When you are unhappy or in conflict with others, you must not take it out on your children, be angry with them, scold them or hit them. That's the most disturbing thing for children. Such reprimand and discipline are not only bad for children, but also very harmful. This will make children resentful and even hate you because of injustice. Many ignorant people have nowhere to vent when they are unhappy or quarrel with others. They think the child is theirs and should be obeyed, so they all take it out on the child. This kind of behavior is enough to destroy children and their feelings for you. You should try your best to avoid it.
A wise father or mother makes children fear him, love him, love him and fear him at the same time. If children are not afraid of their parents, parents have no power over them. If children are afraid of their parents but don't love them, there will be no feelings between parents and children. This is not only the loss of parents, but also the loss of children. This makes children often do a lot of things behind their parents' backs, and parents have no way to know their children's situation and needs. Under such circumstances, children can easily fall into sin and disaster. It is not good for parents who don't know how to discipline their children to spoil them, but many parents who know how to discipline their children will only make their children afraid of them and don't love them. A wise father or mother is not only a child's parents, but also a child's friends. In this way, children can tell their parents everything big and small without fear. Parents naturally help them easily.
If children don't make trouble without reason and do unjust things, parents don't have to control their children and deprive them of their lively secrets when things happen. You don't need children to be as quiet as adults. Children are children. They are always moving, playing, jumping and shouting. As long as they don't swear, fight, insult their elders, destroy others or public goods, hurt their own bodies, hurt others, and interfere with their own peace and order, there is no need to interfere. If a child doesn't like activities, play, jumping and shouting, then he must be ill or extremely weak. If children are always forced to be as quiet as adults, it will destroy their body and mind and hinder their normal development. Knowledgeable parents would never do such a foolish thing.
6. When your child quarrels and conflicts with other children, you must not protect them, especially don't let other parents reason with your child. If you do this, it will certainly cause people's ill feelings, so that the parents of the two families will have conflicts. It doesn't matter if the children of the two families quarrel and conflict. If both parents join the fight, things will get worse. It is common for many parents to make a fuss about their children. Go and see the children who caused the dispute. They are already playing happily and harmoniously there again. When your child has an argument with someone else's child, you should take the child home as soon as possible and ask the truth in detail. If your children are at fault, you should tell them to apologize to others. If other people's children are wrong, they should be taught to forgive. Only the most ignorant parents will blindly protect their children and quarrel with others about their children, causing many disputes and troubles.
If someone tells you your child's mistake, you should accept it with gratitude, because if a person is willing to do so, it will prove that he is loyal and true to you and loves you and your child, otherwise he will never say these words to you to annoy you. You know, parents are the last to know that they are wrong because they love their children. That's what the ancients said: "people don't know the evil of children." Without a caring bystander, I'm afraid many parents will die of ignorance of their children's mistakes. There are still many children who are used to pretending to be good in front of their fathers, lying to please their parents, but doing all kinds of evil behind their parents' backs. In this case, if no one else reports their misdeeds to their parents, their situation will inevitably go from bad to worse, and eventually it will be irreparable. Of course, parents should not believe what others say. If so, you may have believed the rumor monger, fallen into the trap of alienating people and wronged your children. We can't completely distrust what others say, and we can't completely believe what others say, but we should take a good look at whether our children really have these mistakes without referring to what others say.
If someone disciplines your children for you, you should especially thank them. If it weren't for a caring person, he would never do this. If that person is knowledgeable and can lead young people, you should trust him and entrust him. There are many children who do not obey the discipline of their parents, but obey the discipline of others. This may be due to improper parental discipline, or it may be that parents' lives cannot be admired by children. In this case, if someone disciplines your children for you, and your children obey their discipline, that is really welcome.
9. Treat children by persuasion and temptation, and never by coercion. Don't think I'm a father or a mother. I have authority over my children, and they must do whatever they are told to do. Never think that no matter whether the parents' orders are reasonable or not, and whether the parents' authority is used properly, children must obey their parents completely. This will make your children dislike you. If your children are good children, they can obey you, but they cannot have deep feelings for you. If your children are bad children, they will hate you, resist you and turn against you. The greater the pressure, the greater the resistance. This principle applies equally to society and families.
10. Teach your children to fear God, trust in the Lord Jesus, respect elders and old people, love brothers, live in harmony with neighbors, be tolerant, be kind to others, study hard, be loyal to their work, be clean in body and mind, be honest and true, be considerate of others, abide by laws and rules, be polite to others, take care of public property, and be punctual and trustworthy. Help children build a good and solid foundation on their beliefs and virtues. This is more important and precious than how much money children save and how much land they buy.
Pay attention to the books and newspapers your children read, the friends they make, the places they go and the things they like. Lead them to read noble and beneficial books and newspapers, make friends with excellent academic performance, and go to places that are beneficial to the body and mind. If they are found reading obscene books and newspapers, making despicable friends, and going to places harmful to body and mind, we should enlighten and persuade them with wise words and let them know the harm that those friends of books and newspapers do to people. Also pay attention to see if the child has any bad habits and hobbies, such as lying, stealing, masturbating, gambling, smoking, or other things that corrupt morality and health. To sum up, parents should always observe their children's words and deeds in the dark. Good places try their best to motivate, and bad places are prevented and stopped as soon as possible.
Children are not allowed to buy their own food when they are young. If you want to give them any food, you should buy it from your parents. Don't give them money to buy for themselves. Because once children get into the habit of buying their own food, not only will their health be damaged, but they will also be the easiest to be stolen. If they often have money, they will eat at will and get sick. If they don't have enough money, they will try to steal money to buy food. After eating the food, there is no trace. I stole money and bought other things. It is easy for my parents to find out whether those things are there or not. Only when I bought food, I ate it once, and there was no evidence. Many ignorant parents often give their children money to buy food because they love them, which is really the most harmful thing to their children.
13. Don't save a lot of money for children, buy most industries. This is the easiest way to cultivate children's dependence temperament. It will ruin their lives if they are lazy and have a sense of security. There is another danger, that is, children compete for their parents' property and stage a tragedy in which brothers turn against each other. Let's see that many brothers and sisters quarrel with each other, nibble at each other and kill people, some of which are not caused by competing for their parents' property. Parents save money to buy land for their children, which is for their children's happiness, but the result is their children's disaster. Don't you know how to be vigilant?
14. Pay attention to children's marriage. Give them an appropriate leader in this matter on weekdays, and don't let them bump into each other. At the right age, on the one hand, pay attention to finding the right person for them, on the other hand, discuss with them openly and understand their wishes and purposes. Parents should not solve their children's marriage problems by coercion, nor should they take a completely laissez-faire approach. If children (especially daughters) are embarrassed to talk about marriage, parents should help them responsibly, so as not to delay the marriage age and get their children into trouble. When helping children get married, you should never pay attention to each other's property rights. This kind of behavior is not only the most despicable and boring, but also often leads to pain and regret in the future.
15. If you wronged your children in anything, it's like lying to deceive them. When you are angry, you say something inappropriate to them or do something inappropriate, or because you misunderstood them or wronged them according to your own wrong observation, or because you committed a crime and left a bad impression on your children, you should honestly apologize to them. Doing so can not only eliminate the injustice and ill feelings in children's hearts and their bad impression of you, but also make them understand that admitting mistakes is a great and noble act. They can admire you and be influenced by you, and they are not afraid to admit their mistakes. Most people always feel that it is shameful to admit mistakes, and that it is absolutely impossible to admit mistakes to children. In fact, admitting mistakes is the noblest and greatest act. No matter who the other person is, as long as you are wrong about him, it is easy to apologize to him, and of course children are no exception.