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If there is an afterlife-
If there is an afterlife,
Become a tree,
Standing forever
There is no gesture of sadness and joy.
Half in the dust.
Half of them are flying in the wind.
Half in the shade.
Half bathed in sunshine
Very silent, very proud
Never rely on, never look for.
1943, Sanmao was born in Huangyazheng Street, Chongqing. His parents named the newborn baby Chen Maoping. I think Sanmao doesn't like this name a bit. After all, she is such a simple, too casual woman. So when she started learning to read and write, she couldn't learn how to write the word "Mao", so she just deleted the word in the middle of her name and called herself Chen Ping. Like her, she moved her "Chen" left ear to the next room and turned it into the right ear. Parents can't beat her, so they have to agree that Sanmao will rename her "Chen Ping". See, San Mao, who has a lot of ideas since he was a child, has his own opinions. How can you ask her to be quiet like other children?
Sanmao loved reading since she was a child. In the fifth grade, she read a boring dream of red mansions, which she usually reads with books. Xu spent a lot of time reading novels and books. At first, Sanmao's academic performance was not so good. /kloc-at the age of 0/3, Sanmao failed in four subjects and even got zero in mathematics. In order not to repeat the grade, Sanmao really studied hard. In the next exam, Sanmao scored 100. But the teacher suspected Sanmao of cheating and called her to the podium to give her math problems. As a result, San Mao did not answer them. So the math teacher said in front of the whole class, "There is a classmate in our class who likes duck eggs best. Today, the teacher wants to treat her to two. " Then he called Sanmao, picked up a pen dipped in ink and drew two big circles on Sanmao's eyes. He snapped at San Mao: "Turn around and let the class have a look." All three hairs turned around, but the whole class burst into laughter. Nothing is more painful and embarrassing than being questioned and insulted without being recognized. The next morning, sad Sanmao stood at the door of the classroom, but she didn't have the courage to step forward. She fainted on the ground. You said that she was just an innocent child. What she did wrong was questioned and humiliated. Faced with such embarrassment, what can you do for this little girl who is aloof, simple and has some strong self-esteem? What can you do for her? Later, San Mao recalled: "Every exam is like a humiliation. You say you will, others don't believe you, and you have to take a blank sheet of paper to prove it. " Sanmao is afraid of going to school. She pretends to go to school without telling her parents every day, but she sits in the library all day. When the parents found out, they were angry, loving, angry and pitying, so they had to agree to let their daughter drop out of school and teach by herself, so that Sanmao laid a foundation in China's ancient poems and English. In order to get Sanmao out of autism, her parents sent her to learn illustration and piano, and also let Sanmao learn painting with three painters, Gu, Han Xiangning and Peng Wanyuan. Teacher Gu encouraged Sanmao to find her own direction in literature and get what she wanted. Gradually, Sanmao came out of the shadow, and the smiles on her face were superimposed. San Mao said: when I smile, my face looks like a spring flower, and it will definitely touch people, no matter who he is. Exactly, how can San Mao, who laughs heartily, make people not love him?
02
When she grew up, Sanmao stopped all the way and followed her heart to wander far away. She said it was called feeling life. So I stopped around and gained precious friendship and love. Gu Long and San Mao have a good relationship. They met at a party. San Mao, dressed in strapless clothes, just hit the chair. Her skin is as smooth as snow. Gu Long and her friend Ni Kuang saw them laughing and took a bite on Sanmao's shoulder. Sanmao is really open-minded and doesn't shout. She just laughed. Since then, the three people have had a very good relationship and forged a life-and-death relationship. After Gu Long died, Sanmao burst into tears at his funeral. San Mao said: the most beautiful relationship between friends lies in icing on the cake; The most valuable thing is to send charcoal in the snow; The best among friends is like good tea, which is light but not astringent, fragrant but not tangy, slowly floating, like water flowing forever.
If we say that for friendship, San Mao is completely sincere; Then why doesn't she try to get drunk like a moth for love? Two years of sweet love with Shu Fan, a senior three student, convinced Sanmao that the flower of happiness was about to bloom, but in the end she never made a promise. The encounter with a German man made Sanmao look forward to happiness, but on the eve of marriage, the bad news of her fiance's sudden heart attack came and passed away. San Mao, who was devastated, ran around and came to Spain again to meet the Spanish boy who promised her for six years in Love. Sanmao spent half his life wandering in many countries, but never stayed in one place, which gave his wandering heart a fixed place. The reunion with Jose touched and cherished Sanmao. So, she gave her heart to Sahara-her and Jose's home without reservation. The story of Sahara is full of interesting lives of San Mao and Jose, and the dull days in the desert make them live with relish. The most beautiful time, the most beautiful combination, what an unforgettable beauty. On the wedding anniversary, Jose gave Sanmao an old-fashioned watch and said to her, "You can't forget me every minute in the future. Let it count for you. " But Jose left Sanmao first, leaving the woman he was willing to spoil and love all his life. The taste of happiness is not enough, but the pain comes so quickly. Six years, but a lifetime. Sanmao said: I didn't have time to say goodbye when I left suddenly, so it's okay. We will never say goodbye.
199 1 was admitted to the hospital for endometrial hypertrophy and received surgical treatment. The next morning after the operation, when cleaning the bathroom, the cleaning lady in the hospital saw Sanmao's body hanging on the hook of the drip stand next to the toilet by nylon stockings. She was wearing red pajamas with a white background, and there was no suicide note at the scene. Sanmao left to find Jose; Sanmao left and followed her heart; Sanmao is gone, heading for the distance of the soul! In this regard, Sanmao's father said: "My daughter always said that life is not about the length, but whether you live happily. I think this statement is: truly grasp the meaning of life and live. At this point, although I am heartbroken by her burning, I agree. "
Sanmao, a strange woman, is full of curiosity about everything. She likes fancy clothes and collects old and strange gadgets. She is curious about all new things. She even tries with her life to the unknown land under her feet, the world and even death. Sanmao, she walked in this world in a wandering way, and bid farewell to this world in a decisive way.
"San Mao is a pure man. In her world, she can't stand being false. It is this kind of truth-seeking character that makes her live very steadily. Maybe her life and her experience are not perfect, but we can be sure that she didn't escape her fate, and she faced life bravely. In my mother's eyes, she is ordinary, but she is just my child. " Sanmao's mother said this. Writer Jia Pingwa commented on her like this: "Sanmao is not a beauty. She is tall and has long hair, and she wanders around the world with books and pens. Young, strong and lonely, Sanmao's charm to young people in Chinese mainland cannot be overestimated by any outsider's imagination. For many years, people have been saying everywhere that I am a scholar. Art exists by conquest. I admire San Mao, a real writer. " Different people have different San Mao in their eyes, because she is not only San Mao, but also a daughter, a wife, a friend, a teacher, a writer, a backpacker, and a person wandering far away ... I like her because she is just her, no matter how many roles and identities there are behind her, she will always be her.
03
If there is an afterlife, it will become a gust of wind.
Instances can become eternity.
No sentimental feelings, no sentimental eyes.
Half is free and easy in the rain.
Half of them travel in spring.
Loneliness, loneliness to travel far.
Take away the faint thoughts.
Never missed, never loved
I read Sanmao, in the high school period of intense sprint. Snow-white papers are flying all over the sky like snowflakes, falling on my desk one by one and pressing on my heavy heart. I always fold the simulated test papers with a lot of red crosses one by one, smooth the corners of the notes that have been turned over and over again, circle my name at the bottom of the test report with a red pen and put it away, then take out a brand-new or wrinkled test paper and start to do the math and physics that I still can't understand after countless calculations. I always smiled indifferently at my deskmate's worried eyes and mouth-opening expression trying to comfort me, but when I turned around, I bit my lip tightly and swallowed the bitter pain and let it spread in my chest and heart ... I don't like myself who is too weak.
I'm not a clever boy, but I'm not a child who doesn't work hard. You know what, Sanmao? I read San Mao, and in many long nights, Yi Deng was like a bean in front of my bed. San Mao said, "People can't understand life without crying all night. We are still young, and our long life can stand a little wind and waves. The process of life, whether it is Chun Xue, green vegetables or tofu, I have to taste what it is before I go to trip worthwhile! " Therefore, we should be open-minded, strong, optimistic and continue to work hard. Thank you, San Mao, for accompanying me through this important, painful and sad period in my life. Now, I am sitting in the university library, with a typewriter in my hand, writing down bits and pieces. Thanks to the child who is not smart but still works hard, thanks to this painful, tempered and precious experience.
I read Sanmao. When the only grandmother in the world who could be close and reliable died, I held her hand and said goodbye to her. I heard Sanmao say, "It's too late for us to say goodbye. This is good, because we will never say goodbye. " I read Sanmao. When my long unrequited love in adolescence ended when another girl declared sovereignty, I shed tears in the wind. I heard San Mao say, "There are sufficient reasons for going, not going, doing and not doing alone. Got it. Walk with him for a while. That's enough. You are not anyone's god. You can't interfere with how a heart is put and how to stay. " So, I waved goodbye, fulfilling his today and tomorrow, fulfilling my blue sea and blue sky. I read San Mao, and I have no dreams in many windy afternoons, many sunny days, many awake moments, and in the long night. I read Sanmao, and on the tin train in Nankai, I passed through the poetry radio station with pale twilight and thick smoke in my headphones, with withered feelings. I read Sanmao, and when I narrowed my eyes, my tears collapsed. I turned to a platform to find the ideal I left behind. I read Sanmao, looking forward to a barren future in the waking years, and recalling fruitless love in the season of regret; I read Sanmao, and I regained my ideal hope in my hometown where my olive trees and dreams collapsed.
In the sun, people in a hurry can be seen everywhere. Your ideal and mine are in this hurry.
I read Sanmao. In my short and long life, in time, the mountains are south and the water is north.
If there is an afterlife, be a bird.
Through eternity, there is no trouble of getting lost.
There is ardent hope in the East.
There are warm nests in the south.
Drive the sunset back to the west and awaken the fragrance to the north.
if there is an afterlife
I hope every time we meet.
Can become eternal.