When I was a child, I liked to secretly wear my mother's high heels, wriggling all the way, my hair was tied in a mess, my face was painted with blue eye shadow, and the lipstick on my mouth was like a sausage mouth stung by a wasp. I am complacent in the mirror and feel beautiful. But what about yourself now? I want to face the sky and be free, but the novelty of makeup in the past is gone. But give yourself a thick layer of armor and a sense of powerlessness in disguise. Every night, parents' whispers and bedtime stories turn into the ticking of alarm clocks and the loneliness of no one.
Before, I swore to my mother: in the future, I want to be a very powerful person. But now, I avoid mentioning the great ambitions of the past. At that time, I was pure and simple, and I had already been assimilated by this society. I no longer have hope, I live to live. Before I can remember, I once asked my mother if she would feel bored if she did a boring thing day after day. Mom said that when I grow up, I will understand that it is not what I want to do, but what I like to do. People can do anything to survive.
At that time, I scoffed. I thought I would be the most special one, in order to impress my mother. But no matter how special I am, I am only the most ordinary one in the eyes of this world. Growing up is really bad. In order to make a living, I even envy those children who play hide-and-seek I've had enough fun and trotted home. Mom cooked a hot meal and dad bought him a toy that I liked for a long time. Then have a sweet dream and sleep peacefully.
When I grow up, I finally know how long the night is. Sometimes I feel stressed and can't sleep. Or I have nightmares again and again, many times, dreaming of my former self, and my eyes shining with praise that I will be a great person in the future. When I woke up, the gap was so big that I was half a day slow. Since when, I am addicted to staying up late, because I have nothing to do, but I can't sleep.
For a long time, nothing can make me happy like a child. My mother is afraid of my hard work, and always calls me when I go out and tells me to take care of myself. Don't push yourself, go home when you are tired. But, as an adult, can I still pester my mother to buy me this and that? At my parents' age, I really can't bear to watch them sigh. They always blame me for my futility. The words said that I failed and the children suffered.
I came out alone, at least they thought I could have a good life. Every time I comfort my mother, I say, how can I make myself miserable? I am such a fragile person. Hanging up the phone, I cried. I thought I didn't feel wronged at all, but after my mother said a few words, I had a desire to speak, but I held back. I can't be so unfilial. She's sad enough.
I'm afraid I'll accomplish nothing when I get home. I'm more afraid of hitting myself in the face. How can I have the face to face the elders in Jiangdong if my righteous words are not realized? I will hate that there are too many twists and turns in this world. I hate this reality, but I hate being young and frivolous, but the status quo makes me speechless. I finally understand that tears can only flow in the dark, and tears are invisible. The world can't hear your complaints, it is deaf. You're black and blue, it can't see, it's blind.
When I grow up, I realize that nothing can realize my wish, either I overlook the earth or I look up at the sky.