Qi Fan Qi Micro Class
I have been very pessimistic since I was a child. When I was three years old, I started to feel sensitive about spring and autumn, which always made my heart feel sad.
I don’t know why, but a sentence often echoes in my mind: "Why are you here again? Why should I come?"
In my sleep before I was 5 years old, I often dreamed about I was walking through thick black clouds, and the boundless black clouds were squeezing in. It was so terrifying that I was suffocating, and I was scared to wake up.
Nightmares often occur, and sadness always follows. It wasn't until 2007 that I encountered Buddhism and started chanting sutras and chanting Buddha's name, and those nightmares gradually disappeared. But the inexplicable sadness that weighs in the bottom of my heart is difficult to eliminate.
I want to change this mentality and be able to control my emotions, but the reality is very helpless and there is no way to do it.
When I read the book "Get Out of Your Head and Into Life" by Steven Hayes, PhD in Psychology and co-founder of Commitment Therapy, I knew that everyone in the world has their own pain.
After finding the true self, you can use acceptance and observation to dilute the pain, understand the reasons why your sadness and pain disappear, and find more useful tools for your future life.
Most people smile and have a calm attitude, as if they are never in pain. The fact is that everyone suffers, but we just can’t explain it to outsiders.
People will control themselves and bury their pain deep in their hearts. Over time, many people are prone to insomnia, depression, anxiety, fear and other psychological discomforts.
First of all, you need to understand, why do we want to control ourselves?
1. It has been required since childhood.
For example, your mother will often yell at you, "Don't cry, get up, move faster, you have to..." and so on.
2. All adults are like this, exercising self-control.
3. Successful people have good self-control.
4. Control can be effective in the short term.
For example, boxing, sports, vent room. But these are temporary relief that appear to work and don't really resolve the pain.
If we want to solve our own pain, we must first learn: not to exercise self-control.
Then be willing to accept the reality that escape strategies never work.
I deeply sympathize with myself for the difficulty I have been having in coping with the pain. Stop blaming and wronging yourself.
We also need to understand that most pain comes from the brain’s cognition and thinking. Only by thinking outside the head can we escape from the pain.
You can eliminate pain through 4 steps, no longer be controlled by the brain, truly gain spiritual freedom, and actively create a better life.
1. Acceptance and positivity.
The essence of positivity is to feel it, not to change it,
but to learn to observe it from a different perspective.
Cognitive fusion: The cognitive model in the brain allows you to have an inappropriate perception of a substance or event that is not inherently disgusting.
For example, everyone’s own saliva is not dirty in your mouth, and there is nothing wrong with it. But if you spit it into a cup or rice bowl, it feels unhygienic.
This phenomenon is called cognitive fusion. In fact, it is still your saliva, but your brain will produce an unhygienic thinking and cognition when you spit in the cup.
Many times, our pain is caused by the brain's thinking mode, which forcibly associates some thoughts with others, causing us pain.
2. Cognitive dissociation:
Separate thinking cognition from its substantive meaning. This requires constant and deliberate practice.
For example, consider the pain caused by negative emotions as an external thing. Don't judge or define it, and let it grow and die outside of you.
For example, when the author is consulting a person in pain, he guides him to describe what shape pain looks like. what colour? How old? Let him take the pain out of his mind, visualize it, and look at it.
This is actually facing pain bravely, but we ordinary people do not understand these psychological models and do not know how to practice them. After knowing this method, you can use "visualization" or "meditation" to complete it yourself and practice it.
3. Find the true self:
A. The self in the concept of self-definition.
If an accident occurs and the status quo is changed, it will cause the pain of not knowing what to do.
For example: I am a mother, I am a lecturer, I am a painter, etc. We always give ourselves these fixed labels.
B. The evolving self.
I am the self doing something.
For example, I am a mother who is accompanying my child. I'm a lecturer taking a class. I am a technician who paints.
C. The observer’s self.
For example, the problems in the brain are constantly entangled. It's like the black and white chess pieces are playing. The truth is that the black and white chess pieces are not you, but your true self is the chessboard.
Put yourself in the position of a chess player, do not participate in the entanglement of black and white chess pieces, jump out and observe the inner pain, and the pain will slowly disappear.
How to help yourself find your observer self.
Be mindful.
For example: Do not listen to books or music when running. Only by fully experiencing the friction between your feet and the ground can you maintain mindfulness and enter your flow. When eating, do not watch TV and concentrate on eating, so that you can experience the real taste of food. The brain directs the spleen and stomach system to transport food well and obtain the essence of food.
To maintain mindfulness is to have a positive attitude. A positive attitude is not about ignoring your pain, hiding your pain, or avoiding your pain. Those are negative attitudes that fight against pain. The more confrontation there is, the more painful it will be.
Your correct approach is to accept the pain, take good care of it, and move forward with it. This is a truly positive attitude.
For example, you have an unforgettable and precious photo, and you don’t want to get rid of it, or you can’t let go of it. Then put it in your pocket or purse and take it with you wherever you go.
This precious photo is like your pain, which cannot be forgotten, thrown away or let go, so just carry it with you, accept it, and live in peace with it. Let it accompany you to move forward, and before you know it, you will no longer be disturbed by it, and your heart will be as calm as water.
4. Learn to jump out.
Stand in the perspective of a bystander and learn to jump over the pain.
First jump the thickness of a piece of paper. Then there is the thickness of a book. Finally, jump from a higher altitude to another newer altitude.
For example, when you are suffering from childhood pain, it is easier said than done to forget it or let it go.
Because psychological scars are like a ravine, it is difficult to jump over it all at once. You need to build a bridge and cross it step by step.
But you said, you can try to be alone with those scars for a while, even for a second.
It will be difficult at first, and you will want to escape. You will not even dare to try the distance that is the thickness of a piece of paper, and you will not be willing to take a step.
The counselor or yourself should do some psychological construction several times to reduce the pain of uncovering scars, and start to try to face it bravely, and step over it one step at a time. You will find that it is not as difficult as you thought.
If you take a step that is as thick as a piece of paper, use the paper to make a book, and use the thickness of the book to make a bridge, then you will step forward step by step, and have more courage to jump across. .
In the more than a year since I have been writing, I have often used the methods described in the book to deliberately practice eliminating sadness. Uncovering the pain of the past bit by bit, writing it down, and talking to yourself are also a process of self-acceptance. This is why writing heals you.
Whenever I hear some classical music, or see some stories and pictures in the book, and feel sad, I pick up the pen and start writing. At this time, the real self jumps out of the brain and observes slowly, watching it come and watching it disappear.
I gradually discovered that sadness occurs less and less often. Even if it does occur, I will recover quickly and will not be immersed in it for a long time.
This is the same as the "observant self". Don't fight or escape. Slowly accept it and observe it, and its power will slowly weaken.
Confucius said, Heaven did not create people above us, nor did it create people below us. Everyone is equal and everyone has wisdom. This is the same as the Buddhist concept of "everyone has inherent wisdom and everyone is a future Buddha".
Everyone can be successful and outstanding, it’s just that you don’t know how to think outside the box of your brain and master the methods to resolve pain and solve problems.
You try to use the two tricks described in Steven Hayes's book "Out of Your Head and Into Life", acceptance and commitment, and follow the above 4 steps to practice deliberately and think outside your head. model, truly integrated into life.
Don’t think too much and do too little all day long. Even if you are an ordinary person, if you change your cognition, practice deliberately, and accept pain, you can still be outstanding and successful.
When doing deliberate practice observations, you can use writing journals and meditation tools.
Like successful people, everyone can create a beautiful and happy life.
The 46th article of the annual writing camp, with a word count of 2,600 and a total of 75,012 words.