All annoying guys have one thing in common, that is, "they don't consider other people's feelings at all."
I believe many people have met a "torture-type" speaker. Open your chat record with him. 10 conversation, 90% are questions he is asking you, from where your parents work to your income and personal life. This "unique way of communication" gives you the illusion of being arrested and interrogated by the enemy.
Besides, I also know some "performance-oriented" talkers. They basically don't give you a chance to speak, and they talk endlessly about how awesome they are, and then give you a set of life lessons. It's so annoying. They don't need normal communication, but they are eager to turn every conversation into a stage and give everyone a free talk show, just to satisfy their crazy desire to perform.
Of course, you can ask questions, but you must master the boundaries between frequency and privacy; Don't talk about yourself, give the other person some opportunities to speak. The pace of conversation is a very important thing, which determines whether you can communicate happily or not. By the way, if you don't hate each other, you can try to smile and keep a friendly expression.
Before any conversation, please remember to listen to each other, not ask questions.
2. Don't spit, be tactful
Probably the atmosphere of spitting is too heavy, so everyone began to think that "spitting" is a cool thing.
Sometimes, it's great to see jokes, but it's not like that when it's your turn. Especially by people who are not close enough, you may be angry. In real life, except for crosstalk performers, spitting will not make you look humorous, but will make people think you are "rude and uneducated". The annoying thing about tucao is that you sprinkle a pot of salt on each other's pain, just to show "the cheap benefits that hit the nail on the head". It can't help you solve any problems, but it may make things worse.
Even in America, where movies like Bankrupt Girl are made, well-educated young people are very polite. In life, everyone tends to "May I ask your name?" Not "What's your name?" ; When boys pay the bill, they often say "I'll take care of it". Please pay attention to the usage of "Be careful".
If you want to be regarded as a well-behaved person, you must use more honorifics and thanks, and use more polite expressions when asking for help, such as "please", "trouble you" and "I wonder if it is convenient for you". When the other party contributes to the project, say "Thank you for your contribution in XX …"; When you refuse other people's demands, you can be firm, but use euphemism. You can say, "I'm really sorry, I really can't help you with this." You should consider other methods, such as ... ".
In short, don't leave without saying a word, let the other party feel that they are valued and respected.
3. Understand other people's information accurately
Many people are annoyed and can't get to the point, often because they can't accurately understand the information conveyed by others, or they are too arrogant to understand others.
When others say something to us, they are actually sending us a message. Before feeding back this information, it is necessary for us to analyze and process it.
First of all, you should judge each other's mood. Is he happy, depressed or in urgent need of comfort? Secondly, you should pause a little and refine what the other person is saying in your mind. Also, why did he say that? What was his motive? The next question is, what questions does the other party want you to solve and answer?
It may be a little tiring to use this method at first, but if you keep thinking, you will find that your oral English will be improved in a short time.
In the final analysis, the improvement of expression ability comes from thinking.
4. Express your views accurately
A borrows money from you, and you reluctantly say "yes", and the other party will be happy, but you may not; A promiscuous ex lets you get back together. If you say "no problem", the other person will go home ecstatic and have a good sleep, and your nightmare will begin.
Before you speak, don't promise something you don't want to do just to make the other person happy; Especially in the face of important promises, please touch your heart and ask, "What do I hope this is?" "What do I really want?" . You can make the other person feel comfortable in attitude, but you must follow your heart when making specific decisions.
After making a clear position, you need to sort out the complicated ideas in your mind in the order of 1, 2, 3. When the ideas and context become clear, you try to pass the information to each other one by one.
In short, think clearly before you speak, don't talk nonsense, don't promise in a hurry, and don't throw your messy ideas to others. An organized expression is like a popsicle in the summer of 1937, which brings people a refreshing pleasure; Use organized expressions in the workplace, and colleagues and bosses will think you are more professional and trustworthy.
Identify with each other's feelings
When the other person is in a bad mood, it is really annoying to pretend to leave a few words "this is life" and "this is your choice" coldly. Who doesn't understand these truths and who won't say them? Sometimes, when friends ask us for advice and talk to us, they actually show their trust in us. They think the fragility of this moment can be shared with us.
No matter what you can do for him, at least affirm his emotions first, and don't be stingy with comforting words and warm hugs.
Sometimes, "being recognized" is the best healing medicine; For friends in trouble, saying "I understand you" and "Don't cry, I'm here" can make them feel more at ease than any reprimand.
6. I'm not teaching you flattery
Some people will ask worriedly, does "learning to speak" mean giving up the true self?
My answer is that when you were a baby, you always cried. Now that you know how to restrain yourself, does it mean that you have lost yourself? Of course not. Everyone will evolve or degenerate with time and experience, and you will be different at different stages.
We are no longer adolescent children, and it is naive to take the excuse of "I don't want to lose myself" to avoid correcting ourselves. Cool is really important, but it's better not to be cool in key matters.
I don't agree with the values of flattery, and I don't advocate people to do such things. This is not what "learning to speak" emphasizes. It emphasizes taking care of and understanding others, and expressing itself accurately and methodically. It is a skill that can improve the quality of life, just like learning to cook or play the cello.
Believe it or not, language is a very important thing after all. It not only has the power to warm people's hearts, but also has the ability to make you feel extremely painful. Not only unpredictable, but also unpredictable. Through the communication with friends and lovers, we gradually began to believe that "I am not alone in this world", so please cherish this special skill of human beings, master it and take it seriously.