So Ba Jin began to write Random Thoughts, which was the last big project in his life. It took seven years from1978 65438+February to1986 July, and finally he dedicated a magnificent five-volume masterpiece with more than 400,000 words to people. Infiltrated the true thoughts and feelings of the old man in his later years, and wrote the great "confession" of China intellectuals' 40-year mental journey.
"This is a spiritual debt, and I must pay it off as soon as possible. It whipped my heart like a whip, as if I had met something fifty years ago. " Write it, write it. "It seems that a voice often cries in my ear. I'm coming to the end of my life. I don't want to go home empty-handed. I want to write. I will never stop my pen and let it ignite the flame and burn myself violently. When I burn to ashes, my love and my hate will not disappear in the world. " -Ba Jin's Confessions of an Old Man-Reading Ba Jin's Random Thoughts
Wen/Lao noodles
People are used to using "catastrophe" to describe the decade of the Cultural Revolution. Indeed, the ugliness of human nature shown by the fanaticism and crazy creation of gods similar to religious worship is shocking and incompatible with modern civilization and even modern civilization. It can be said that its occurrence is directly related to the cultural and psychological structure of the whole nation. It also reflects the ugliness of human nature. It is the key to the healthy development of our troubled nation with athletic immunity to examine the performance of intellectuals in this historical drama and explore the reasons why they are hidden in the deep layers of culture and humanity.
In this sense, Ba Lao's Random Thoughts ended a confused era and opened an era of searching and inquiring. This is a collection of essays composed of 150 short articles, written in 1978- 1987. At that time, although the catastrophe had passed and the human environment was relatively relaxed, the right to tell the truth was limited. Ba Lao is always brave and sincere. And this courage and sincerity comes from the conscience and sense of responsibility of an old writer who has been engaged in creation for 50 or 60 years. "Every page in the five-volume book is blood, but more of it is pus and blood from ten years of trauma. I know that if I don't clean up the purulent blood, it will poison my whole body. I also know that not only I, but also many people have this kind of pus in their wounds. " This is the greatness of Ba Jin. Walking out of the desolation of history, he did not indulge in the sweetness of suffering, nor did he regard himself as a victim or a convicted person. On the contrary, he put himself on the judgment table with history. He cut his heart with a pen as a scalpel. He also analyzed himself and history. He wants to find out the wounds and pus attached to culture and soul, end history for a nation and find a way to the future. He wants to build a "Cultural Revolution Museum". He wrote this collection of essays without any utilitarian purpose, as he said in the preface to the five-volume book: "If I tell the truth, I can die with peace of mind." Fearless, an intellectual's conscience finally broke out after being suppressed for too long. In all kinds of repression, revenge and intimidation, he still wrote his final confession with amazing will. This is a noble soul, he can't tolerate any dust. "Sixty years of writing life didn't let me miss anything. As before, I'm not worried about my future. I've given everything. Although it is only a little bit, I finally do what I say and do my duty. " We should thank this kind old man. Fate gave him time to write a perfect ending for his creative life. At the same time, it also created a model personality image for China writers.
When reading "Random Thoughts", there are no passionate and youthful words like "Home", "Spring" and "Autumn", and they will no longer be overwhelmed by the almost straightforward and mighty emotions. But its calm and down-to-earth style is just suitable for the depth and wisdom of a historical old man's confession and criticism. Some people say that the writing style of Random Thoughts is too flat to talk about, ignoring the writing skills. I want to respond with the old man's words: "The highest realm of my writing and my ideal are by no means perfect skills, but the' Dank Warrior' in Gorky's Grassland Story-'He put his hand over his chest and held his heart high above his head' ... I will not leave the past road, I will take out my burning heart and tell the truth."
What can we expect from such a kind and sincere old man? If, during the decade of the Cultural Revolution, when power and irrationality were rampant, China intellectuals were absent collectively (except, of course, Gu Zhun, the "independent" warriors? Zhang Zhixin, etc. ) The old man Ba Jin is making up lessons for himself. However, in fact, many people have not made up this lesson. And I think that only by making up this lesson can this immunity penetrate into the blood of our nation and keep her away from the wrong path of history forever. For those of us who have never experienced that era, this museum that exposes "articles" built with truth may be the best teaching material.