A person who can make ghosts speechless (hilarious)
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: What is your QQ number?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
Me: Do you want a porn movie? RB has everything you need from Europe and America. .
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
Ghost said: Yes
Me: Do you want melatonin? I will give you the wholesale price
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: Do you want to apply for a certificate?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: Do you want to take the postgraduate entrance examination?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Well,
I: Do you want to watch Super Girl?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Well,
I: Did you bring the paper?
Ghost:． ． ． ． ．
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: Is she a CHU girl?
Ghost:． ． ． ． ．
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: Two cents, take it
The ghost:. ． ． ． ．
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
Me: I’m a kid, pretending to be a prostitute from the Northeast with this Gala!
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: gay?
The ghost:. ． ． ． ．
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
Me: Have you passed level four?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
Ghost said: Yes
I: Ghost, if you want to poop, just say something. If you don’t tell me, how will I know that you want to poop, even though you are very sincere? You are fooling me, but you still have to tell me that you want to poop.
Do you really want to poop? Then just poop first! You don’t really want to poop, do you? Are you really...
Ghost:． ． ． ． ．
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
Me: What? Is this guy, who is in vain, here to pay homage to the Divine Toilet of the Well Kingdom?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
Ghost said: Well
I: I will give you a discount of 30~
Ghost: .....
Someone Late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
Ghost said: Well
Me: How much is one shot?
Ghost: .....
Late one night , I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
The ghost said: Enna
I: What is your mother’s surname?
Ghost: .....
One night late at night, I got up to go to the toilet and saw a transparent thing flashing left and right~
I asked: Are you a ghost?
Ghost said: Yes
I: Have you replied?
Ghost: .....
--- ---------The 34 coldest jokes in the world------------
1. There is a penguin whose home is very far away from the polar bear's home. , if you rely on walking, it will take 20 years to get there. One day, Penguin was very bored at home and was going to play with the polar bear. Then he went out, but when he was halfway down the road, he found that he had forgotten to lock the door. It had been 10 years since he left, but the door was still locked. It had to be locked, so the penguin walked home again to lock the door. After locking the door, the penguin set off again to find the polar bear. It took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's house... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said: "Polar bear, polar bear, the penguin is here to play with you!"
After the polar bear opened the door, what do you think he said? ..."Let's go to your house to play~"
2. The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"
"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.
The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Sorry, there are still none."
"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.
On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
The boss said happily: "Yes. Yes, we have a hundred buns today!”
Little White Rabbit took out the money: “Great, I’ll buy two!”
3. Xiao Ming Said: "Akang, I ask you, "A shark ate a mung bean, and what did it become?"
Akang said: "I don't know, what is the answer?" < /p>
Xiao Ming said: "Hey! Hey! The answer is "mung bean paste (mung bean shark)", you are stupid!"
4. The teacher asked a classmate how to reduce white pollution?
Student answer: Make the lunch box blue
5. There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal problem. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor: "What should I eat?" What are you doing? Eat water.
Put melons on watermelons, eat cucumbers and pull cucumbers!"
The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think you only eat shit!"
p>
6. On the plane, a stewardess asked a little girl: "Why does the plane fly so high without hitting the stars?"
The little girl replied: "I know. , because the stars will 'shimmer'!"
7. There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear Said: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the polar bear also pulled out the hairs on his body one by one, turned to the penguin and said: "It's really cold!"
8. There is one Bread, I felt hungry while walking, so I ate it myself
9 Q: What did the African cannibal chiefs eat?
A: People!
Q: One day, the chief fell ill and the doctor told him to be vegetarian. So what did he eat?
A: Eat a vegetable! ~~
10 Americans: Have you ever seen a cup made of wood?
Chinese: No!
Americans: Then why does your Chinese character for "cup" appear next to the character for wood?
Chinese: Isn’t there a “no” next to the word “cup”! That means it's not made of wood.
11 Xiaobai + Xiaobai=?
Little White Rabbit (TWO)~
12 Q: What will happen if the fat man falls from the 12th floor? < /p>
A: Fatty
13. Asong and Abo chatted and told each other that time is not forgiving.
Asong: "Recalling my childhood, the happiest thing I have ever had was Children's Day."
Abo: "After ten years, it will be Youth Day."
< p>A Song: "In ten years it will be Father's Day."Abo: "In a few decades it will be Old Man's Day."
A Song: "It will be Father's Day again." After a few decades."
Abo: ".Qingming Festival. "
14 When the millionaire drove a luxurious extended "Lincoln" car through a village, he saw it on the side of the road. Two beggars were pulling grass to eat, and the millionaire stopped the car.
“Why are you eating grass?”
“We really have no money...” replied a beggar.
"Really, get in the car and go to my house."
"I still have a wife and two children at home..." a beggar muttered.
"Call them here." The rich man pointed to another beggar. "And you, call your family members here too." "
"My family has a large population. In addition to my wife, I have five children. "Another beggar said.
"It doesn't matter, call everyone, go quickly1
Just like that, the two beggars and their families got on the car. Fortunately, it was an extended car. . During the ride, a beggar's wife said gratefully: "Boss, you are so kind. You can even invite poor people like us to your home."
The millionaire replied: "Nothing, I I just came back from abroad. No one has been taking care of my house. The lawn in the yard is probably more than one meter high. You can eat as much as you want
15 One day, the national war was in full swing. The leader of the guild came to the country in order to boost morale. Grassland frontline...
The guild leader asked: How is the situation?
The group archer reported: Report to the leader! There is a Baisos next to the tent 20 meters ahead. Archer, but his accuracy is terrible. He has shot many times in the past few days without hitting anyone.
After hearing this, the group leader asked: Since he found the enemy's archer, why didn't he shoot him. Kill it?
Member Archer said: Report to the leader! Do you want them to change it to a more accurate one?
16
Everyone Soldier: "Thirsty...thirst..."
Cao Cao: "Everyone, hold on a little longer!" I have been to this place before, and I remember that there is a plum forest nearby. If you walk for a while, you may be there.
All the soldiers: "Oh￣￣￣￣There are plums to eat￣" ￣￣Oh￣￣￣”
Half an hour later——Cao Ren: “Lord! The expedition found plenty of water! "
Cao Cao: "Hahahaha, did you hear it? Finally there is water to drink."
All the soldiers: "If you don't go... you must find Meizi..."
17
A certain girls' school is haunted.
p>
The ghost said: I have no feet.
Xiaohong: What’s the matter? Look, senior, I don’t have breasts.
18
A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak. When we met steak on the street, why didn't they say hello? (assuming they could talk)
Because.........
Because........................
Because they are not familiar with each other~~! Haha
20
The little snake asked the big snake in a panic, "Brother, are we poisonous?" The big snake said, "Why do you ask?" "The little snake said: "I accidentally bit my tongue just now. "
22
The tortoise and the hare are racing... The hare quickly ran to the front..
The tortoise saw a snail crawling very slowly. Slowly... said to him: Come up, I will carry you...
Then... the snail came up...
After a while... the turtle saw another The ant... said to him: Come up too...
So the ant also came up.
.
After the ant came up, he saw the snail above and said "Hello" to him
Do you know what the snail said?
The snail said: Hurry up, this turtle is so fast...
26
Every time I see you wearing UU1001 word replacement...
My There will be an indescribable feeling in my heart,
That is...
The radish is also wrapped in plastic wrap!
27
One day there was a mother-in-law riding in a car
Halfway through the ride, she didn’t know the road anymore
The mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said : Where is this?
Driver: This is my butt.
28
A: "I'll take you to a place where all the girls don't wear bras."
B: "Really? Where?" Take me there quickly! "
A: "It's in the kindergarten next door! "
29
One day, the teacher took a group of children to pick fruits.
He announced: "Children, after picking the fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together."
All the children ran to pick the fruits.
As soon as the gathering time came, all the children gathered.
Teacher: "Xiaohua, what did you pick?"
Xiaohua: "I am washing apples, because I picked apples."
Teacher : "What about you, Xiaomei?"
Xiaomei: "I am washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."
Teacher: "The children are all great! Then Amin What about you? "
Amin: "I was washing my cloth shoes because I stepped in poop. "
30
Bad news: a pilot came out of the plane. Fell out
Good news: he had a parachute
Bad news: the parachute was broken
Good news: there was a haystack down there
Bad news: there was a dung fork on the haystack
Good news: he didn't fall on the dung fork
Bad news: he didn't fall on the haystack either
31
Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to stuff them into his butt and then take them out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.
32
Late one night, a young woman was passing by a mental hospital when suddenly a "wow" sound came from behind. The woman turned around and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman was so frightened that she ran away, followed by the man behind her. No, there is a dead end ahead. The woman is desperate. She knelt on the ground and cried and begged: "You can do whatever you want. I just ask you not to kill me." The man smiled slyly and said, "Really? Now you can "
33
There was a new nurse in a mental hospital. This woman had just arrived. She saw a patient in the hospital wandering around an ancient well, chanting: "13. , 13,..." The little nurse felt quite strange. She couldn't figure out what this "13" meant. This was the case even after observing it for several days. She always wanted to step forward and ask what was going on, but she was afraid that the patient would have an attack, so she never dared.
One day, the little nurse finally couldn't restrain her curiosity. She slowly walked to the patient and looked into the well. Suddenly the patient hugged the nurse's legs, lifted them down, and began to read: "14, 14, 14,..."
34
The matchstick suddenly felt itchy in his head. , just stretched out his hand to scratch, and scratched and burned himself to death...
One-sentence humor` 29 items
1. The cat greets the cow. But the cow made fun of the cat and said, "You have grown a beard at such a young age!" The cat was very angry and said, "Why don't you wear a bra even when you are so old?"
2. Why are you so ignorant? Your uncle is here, why would you think of going to the zoo to see bears? !
3. When looking at beautiful women on the street, if you look high, you are appreciative; if you look low, you are a gangster.
4. I remember one day shortly after graduation, my girlfriend sent me a text message: "Let's break up!" Before I had time to feel sad, my girlfriend sent me another text: "Sorry, I sent it to the wrong person." "You can be completely sad now...
5. Lie on your back tonight, sit up tomorrow morning, lie down tomorrow night, and hold up the day after tomorrow...exercise, sometimes it's that simple.
6. I know I am not a handsome guy, but someone once looked at my full-moon photo and said that my left nostril is very idol-like.
7. Before a monkey eats peanuts, he has to stuff them into his butt and then take them out to eat. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey was frightened. Now it must be measured before eating.
8. I am in a bad mood today. I only have four things to say. Including this sentence and the previous two sentences. I'm done...
9. Don't call your children little bastards, because from a genetic point of view, this is not good for parents.
10. Steamed buns are versatile and can be eaten when you are hungry.
If you want to eat pancakes, flatten the buns; if you want to eat noodles, comb the buns with a comb; if you want to eat hamburgers, cut the buns into pieces and eat them with vegetables...
11. What men call inner beauty , refers to the inside of the bra, not the inside.
12. Then I saw the so-called criteria for choosing a spouse for contemporary women in the book: a car and a house, and both parents are dead. depressed. Then I wrote down the criteria for choosing a wife in my fantasy: family wealth of over 100 million, the best beauty in the world, virtuous, gentle and sexy, father-in-law has terminal cancer...
13. My father asked me what I want to pursue in life? I answered money and beauty, and my father slapped me in the face fiercely; I answered career and love, and my father touched my head appreciatively.
14. Except for one item, the rest of the columns are filled in quite well. The "relationship" column should be filled with "mother-in-law" instead of "tension".
15. I discovered that the way to attract a man is to keep him wanting; the way to attract a woman is just the opposite, to keep her satisfied.
16. My father hit me twice today. The first time was because he saw the two-point report card in my hand, and the second time was because the report card was from his childhood.
17. My principle is: I will not offend others unless they offend me; if they offend me, I will get angry!
18. Brother, let’s be honest, we should never drink while driving, hiccup... Think about it, if you hit a telephone pole and the wine spills, hiccup... …What a pity!
19. A young lady was walking at night and met a robber on the road: "Hand over the money!" The young lady replied: "No, even if you rape me, I won't give it to you!" The robber looked at the young lady carefully. Said: "What you think is beautiful!"
20. If happiness is like a floating cloud, if pain is like stars. Then my life is really cloudless and the sky is filled with stars...
21. For men, the upper body is cultivation and the lower body is essence; for women, the upper body is bait and the lower body is trap.
22. On Valentine’s Day, I found the phone number of a girl I had a crush on in middle school, and sent her a text message: If there is only one bowl of porridge, drink half the bowl first, and I’ll take the remaining half. Put it in your arms to keep you warm... A few minutes later, she responded with a text message: Who introduced you? Four hundred at a time, seven hundred for the night.
23. I have been in a bad mood today. Last night’s text message let me know that the girl I had a crush on before was depraved and even told me four hundred dollars at a time... I was very sad at the time, and I was sad and turned over I checked my wallet: So I was even more sad. I didn’t even have the capital to accompany her to fall for once...
24. Being single is painful, and being single for a long time is even more painful. I saw a sow a few days ago, Everyone thinks it is pretty...
25. I really don’t understand that girls buy a lot of beautiful clothes just to attract boys’ attention, but what boys want to see is girls without clothes.
26. Two drunk men drove wildly in a car. A: "Be careful! There is a sharp turn ahead." B: "What? Aren't you driving?"
27. After dinner, I was smoking and enjoying on the balcony, and suddenly I saw a light spot in the night sky. As the passing stars passed by, I felt excited: Meteor! So I immediately made a wish... After making six or seven wishes, I opened my eyes, I had finished smoking, and threw it out of the balcony. Suddenly I heard the voice of a girl downstairs: "Wow! Shooting star! Make a wish quickly..."
28. A foreigner who has learned some Mandarin. In the morning, he greeted the female secretary, "How are you?" The lady glared at him. He was stunned, and immediately said to her: "Mom, hello!"
29. A farmer's daughter is too ugly So he had to let her go to the cornfield to be a scarecrow to scare the crows. Not only did she scare away the crows, but three crows were so frightened that they sent some corn back.
Answer: ┍Mifen│┃ - Trainee Magician Level 2 2-9 18:57
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Answer: Fengxiao Canye - Probation Level 2-9 23:04
A woman ran away while being chased by cannibals. Entering a dead end, I wet my pants out of fright. The cannibals saw this and cursed: What a pity, the soup was all spilled.
4: An electrician walked into the operating room and said to a critically ill patient wearing an oxygen mask: Hello! Listen, take a deep breath, I need to black out for five minutes!
5: An ant said to the elephant: "I have one, it's yours!" The elephant fainted after hearing this, and when he woke up, he said to the ant: "I want one more!" The ant said I was scared to death after hearing this!
6: The train was very crowded during the Spring Festival travel rush. A certain person took advantage of the stop to stick his butt out of the window to defecate. The inspector under the car noticed that he was shouting: The fat man smoking a cigar, put his head back
7: A woman was worried about forgetting to bring paper when entering the public restroom, and a stack of toilet paper was stuffed through the crack in the wall next door. .
"Thank you, who are you?" "You're welcome, I'm Lei Feng."
8: The Minister of Family Planning went to the countryside to inspect, met an old farmer, and asked, "Fellow, do you know why close relatives can't get married? "The old farmer rubbed his hands and said honestly: Hehehehehehe, relatives, too familiar, it's hard to start.
9: Imperial decree: By God's destiny, the emperor called: Because you don't love me, I will punish you for three days. You are not allowed to poop, and you are not allowed to bring paper with you when you poop. The paper must not be more than three feet long, until you suffocate to death! I appreciate this and get the paper!
10: Once upon a time, there was a girl named Joanina. She fell in love with a man named Shad, and they watched the stars together. When the meteor streaked across the sky, they named it: Jonina Shad's star
11: The mouse called the cat: Haha! The meal is ready! Come down Missy! The cat lay down in the mouse hole and stretched out its front paws to pull out the mouse. I kept digging all night long, and the sound was still the same the next day.
12: The little mosquito came home crying, and his mother asked what happened? Xiaoxie: Dad is dead! Mosquito Mom: He didn’t take you to the show? Little Mosquito: I saw it, but when the audience applauded, my father didn’t move away.
13: Bee girl shows off her spider boyfriend: he finally has his own personal website.
14: Psychological test: If you race with a bear, you hope: 1. You run faster than the bear; 2. You run as fast; 3. You run slower than the bear...
Answer: 1. You are worse than an animal; 2. You are an animal; 3. You are worse than an animal.
15: This is an ancient story. A long time ago, a young man lost his beloved girl. He went through all kinds of hardships to come to the girl, and the girl said to him affectionately: "... Get out of here. ! ”
16: The hunter saw a bird in the sky and fired three shots without hitting it, but the bird still fell down. It turned out that the bird clapped his chest when he saw that the bullet missed. Scared to death, scared to death!
17: I saw a penny on the side of the road. I was about to bend down to pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who vomited so roundly?
18: Under the shade of the trees in the hospital, a pair of lovers were hugging and kissing. A doctor saw this and went over to the man and said: "You are so stupid. To perform artificial respiration, you should lay her flat on the ground. Go away and let me do it."
19: Blind Rider The lame man was driving the car. The lame man was looking at the road. Suddenly he saw a deep ditch and exclaimed: "Ditch, ditch, ditch!" The blind man looked back and sang: Ole Ole Ole! So the two fell into the ditch!
20: I miss those days very much. You walked coquettishly in front of me on the country road with your head lowered. When the villagers saw you, we all praised you: Hey, you are beautiful and clean! Praise me too. :What a good boy, he comes out to herd pigs at such a young age!
21: Another chance encounter, your big watery eyes looked at you affectionately, and I tried to avoid your sight in panic. , but you were chasing after me. I understand your mood, so I shouted while running: Whose dog is not tied up?
22: This is a very old legend:
At 12 o'clock in the evening, pick up the phone and press 12 zeros, and you will hear it. . .
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. you. dial. of. electricity. talk. yes. null. Number. . .