I have changed it, let’s see if it works. How should I change it as a poem? Can you give me some specific suggestions? Thank you.

I don’t quite agree with the person above... Poetry can also be narrative and lyrical... There is nothing wrong with what the poster wrote, but the fault is that the narrative is too flat.

Poetry must have emotions and ups and downs. We can’t see this from your poems.

It is recommended that you sort out the good qualities that you want to express and express the characters, and express them in a poetic way (at least with some rhyme), instead of piling them up like the poster did. It would be better;

Personally, I think it would be better if the poster used more metaphors and antitheses;

I support young people like Louzhu who still want to use poetry to express emotions today. ! !