The college entrance examination in 20xx gave birth to a new round of dreams. These dreams were hidden deep in the spring of the Year of the Monkey, and became hot under the unobstructed clear sky in May until they penetrated into the six-month period. The sound of cicadas in the moon screams golden longing...
And I am a worried mother walking on the road to her son's college entrance examination.
On the 130th day of the countdown to the college entrance examination, in order to protect my son’s dream, I walked alone in the cold wind of the early spring of 20xx. Turning into a quiet alley near the school, I pushed open a large iron door. This is an ordinary courtyard house with cement floors and high walls. The landlord is an empty-nest couple in their sixties. Most of the east and west wings have been rented out, and the tenants are all senior high school students. I paid the deposit without hesitation, thinking: My son will never have to plug in earplugs at night again.
It is a mother’s instinct to be the guardian of her son, to protect his innocence, kindness and innate talents, but as a mother, this is where my pain comes from. Growing up, because I had to work far away, I had to leave my young son to the elderly or put him on the small dining table. The child would often sit at the door of the community and wait for me until the sun sets and night falls, day after day and year after year. Every minute, every second, the pointer points to me, causing me unbearable pain. In order to live, to live, this time, I still have to endure the pain of my son’s absence while growing up.
The person who is responsible for accompanying the child is the child’s grandmother. The old lady is in her seventies, short and thin, with a hunched back and wearing reading glasses. Except for her loud voice, there is nothing I can feel at ease about.
On the weekend of the first week, I took a bus for nearly three hours to see my grandson and grandson. After getting off the bus in front of the ancient archway, I walked for nearly 20 minutes to reach the rental house. Along the way, the backpack on my back was tightening my shoulders more and more. In the bag were my son’s shoes and clothes, etc. However, this heavy feeling made me feel at ease, as if I was actually sharing the burden. The pressure of the college entrance examination on my son.
Pushing the door open, the son had gone to make up classes and the old man was busy cooking. On the table were walnuts she had peeled for her grandson, and several plates of dishes she had prepared. The cabin was neatly tidied and clean. I was sitting at my son's desk, and when I looked up I saw a college entrance examination countdown calendar posted on the wall. In the blank space, my son wrote a sentence in his ugly handwriting: The college entrance examination is coming, but I am not afraid. I couldn't help but laugh, and looked at these words carefully, as if I was looking at the child's tall and thin figure in the early spring sunshine, with his thin but determined lips. I think what I see in front of me may be the most peaceful and beautiful scene on the way to the college entrance examination.
The days extend as I come and go with happiness and hard work. The locust trees beside the road turn green, and the peach blossoms emerge from the years like a smile. After the usual mock exams, the children would also call and report proactively: "Mom, this time I'm incredible again." "Wow, my son is awesome! My mother almost fainted with joy." I compared on the other end of the phone. He yelled like a child. I was so proud that as soon as I put down the phone, I couldn't help but share this happiness and pride with others.
As my son was on his way to take the college entrance examination, he became the protagonist without realizing it. Share college entrance examination information in your circle of friends, and your collection bag is filled with tips on how to cope with the college entrance examination. In the parent group and on the street wall advertisements, I paid attention to various weekend tutoring classes and problem-based classes, for fear of missing even the slightest bit of hope. On second thought, I was afraid that liars would deceive people and mislead my son about the college entrance examination, so I carefully communicated with the teacher, and anxiously discussed with the child's father. In fact, in the end, it was me who was busy, and I was just a prisoner of the college entrance examination. Mom, this is my son’s college entrance examination, not mine. Most of the time, I can’t actually do anything about it.
Sometimes I wonder, does this kind of busyness give me a sense of accomplishment as a mother? Make me feel that I am very close to my son, walking side by side with him on the road to the college entrance examination? I have gained the happiness of being a mother, and because of this, I feel qualified to despise all the unsatisfactory things in life?
Whether I am willing to face my true self or not, the legendary Year of the Monkey and the Horse are approaching. This was originally a distant time, but in June 20xx, it truly, eye-catchingly and profoundly, wearing the mysterious veil of fate and shining with a heavy texture like metal, became a reality.
Two months before the college entrance examination, the school booked a hotel for the children. On the afternoon of June 5th, my son dragged his suitcase to school. I followed behind and secretly took photos from different angles. On the road from the school to the outside, there are more than a dozen luxury buses parked. On both sides of the road and at the school gate, there were parents who were blocked by security guards. The June sunshine was flowing on the long road, and it was very hot. My son entered the crowd of students and disappeared from my sight in the blink of an eye. I lied about giving important things to my child and sneaked into the campus. I followed the class to look for my son. My son had already noticed me and was smiling secretly. I waved to him. So, I recorded the scene of the children lining up to get on the bus. Before the car started, I took a side road and ran to the intersection. I watched the No. 5 car my son was in swaying its huge figure and driving into the distance. The disappointment in my eyes was reflected in the flying dust behind the car.
The hotel is a five-star hotel, and my son has always been independent. I slept soundly on the night of June 6th. I woke up at one o'clock at night and subconsciously checked my phone. A text message from my son suddenly popped up: Mom, it’s over, I can’t sleep. There was a bang in my head, and I fell asleep completely. I looked at the time when the text message was sent, and it was ten past twelve o'clock.
Ways to treat insomnia came to my mind one by one, but I hesitated after editing. What if my son fell asleep, would sending it wake him up? Wouldn't it be even more unwise to make a phone call? Tossing and turning, thinking about it, I completely lost sleep. I managed to stay up until dawn, and at almost seven o'clock, my son called me: Mom, I fell asleep later, and I'm fine now. As soon as I heard my son's confident and cheerful voice, the wrinkles that had been tight all night suddenly relaxed and I breathed a sigh of relief. I solemnly cited science and told my son: People have emergency instincts. Even if you don't sleep for one night, your intelligence will not be affected within 24 hours. What's more, if you fall asleep later, if you sleep for five hours, nothing will be affected. Son, take the exam well. I put down the phone, still completely sleepless, staring at the hands on the watch, my heart nowhere to rest.
Turning on my phone, I went to the parent group of my child’s school. Once I entered the parent group, I realized that I was not the only one who was anxious and impatient. One by one, red vests floated out in the group, with the words They said, "I hope my son will do well in all the exams and get all the answers right" and so on. Some were beating gongs, others were cheering... Looking at it, I felt like tears were about to flow down.
After several exams, although I couldn’t hear the “unbelievable” excitement from my son’s phone calls in the past, my mood was as calm as water and my sleep was normal. I began to think that I had a person who could quickly The son who adjusted his mental state became proud.
Waiting for the college entrance examination scores to come down is a long process, and the worry of waiting is more like an unsolvable knot, and life day and night are wrapped in it, with no relief. My colleagues around me became impatient, so I continued to seek comfort in the parent group, and I also enthusiastically comforted others, willingly sinking into the college entrance examination.
During the long six months of restless sleep, I looked forward to it day by day. The exact news about the score line was first revealed in the Almighty parent group. So I continued to inquire about the scores through various channels. At around nine o'clock in the night, the child saw the score sheet announced by the school in his class group. Wow, he is number one in the class. My son is happy with his feet up, and so am I.
In the end, my son was admitted to China University of Geosciences and stayed in Beijing as he wished. He was eager to visit the place where his dream had blossomed. We entered through the north gate of the school and came out through the east gate. Standing on the road, my son was silent for a long time, looking at the University of Science and Technology of China opposite, and said with regret: If I can repeat my studies for another year, maybe I can enter the university opposite. Perhaps at this moment, my son truly understood the difference and meaning of struggle.
At dusk, standing in the Wudaokou subway in Beijing, my son looked through the glass window at the bright street lights below. Not far away was the terminal station of his college entrance examination dream. It was difficult for me to guess his inner thoughts, but his meditative back made me awed. I suddenly felt that my son had grown up and it was time for me to learn to let go.
Calm down and slowly return to ordinary life, feeling the inner disappointment rising from time to time.
This experience is not unique. Before the heavy snow covered my father's grave last winter, the road under my feet had been drawing a circle between Beijing and my hometown in Shanxi. Even on the phone, my father was the only topic of conversation and the only center of life for me and my relatives on the Internet. Between hope and despair, I walked willingly on my father’s cancer journey. This road is painful and anxiety-provoking, and there is no relief at the end of it, because you know, I don't have a dad anymore, I can never see my gentle and kind father again, can't hear his husky voice, can't feel his swelling. hands...
When the dust has settled, I will use words to collect the past in order to cherish and continue the future.
Whether you are heading towards the beautiful distance in your heart or the cold end of the world, my relatives, friends, the ones I love, the ones who love me, can I be lucky enough to walk on your road? Grow up with you and grow old with you!