When the Russian-Ukrainian war just broke out, my seven-year-old daughter watched the news on TV and asked me puzzled.
It suddenly occurred to me that I couldn't give a good answer that a child could understand. I can't tell her that this is the result of multiple accumulation of geopolitical games, ideological struggles and national beliefs.
"Wait a minute, dad will tell you after watching the news." I use procrastination.
After turning off the TV, my daughter has run to the side to play with building blocks. I asked her, "Do you still want to know why those two countries are at war?" She said yes, so I asked her, "Do the children in your class fight?"
"There will be in the first grade. Now I am in the second grade. I quarrel at most and play less." My daughter thought about it and answered me.
"War between countries is like fighting between people. When the contradictions and conflicts between them are too great to mediate, a war may break out. "
Daughter "oh", nodded in recognition of this answer.
"Have you ever fought with your classmates?" I suddenly want to spy on her at school.
"Of course not!" I got a negative answer.
I then asked, "won't you have any problems with your classmates?"
"Of course!" The daughter began to complain about what her peers' arms came over to influence her, a classmate ran around and stepped on her in the classroom, a classmate tore her notebook, and so on.
When her conversation ended, I said, "What can I do? Do you want to fight with them! " I also made an exaggerated gesture.
"I'm not that stupid! I'll tell them it's wrong, they'll tell me I'm sorry, and then everyone will be good friends! This is what the teacher taught us. " My daughter proudly put her back on both sides of her waist with both hands and looked at me with her chin up.
"You did a good job!" I know she wants my compliment at this time. I then told her: "Fighting is the worst way to solve the problem, and fighting is also the last resort that a country can use when it has no choice."
After a few days, the relevant news is still being refreshed, and my daughter actually has a further understanding of the situation. So she asked this question again.
"Dad, why did Russia fight Ukraine? Are we good friends of China and Russia? "
These are two questions! Let's solve it one by one. I opened a map of the world on the computer and explained it to my daughter while pointing.
"Russia is a big country and Ukraine is a small country, just like dad is an adult and you are a child. You didn't want to write it well before. My dad said it again and again every day, but you just couldn't write it well. Dad was so angry that he shouted and even wanted to hit you. Do you remember? "
My daughter gave me a white look and nodded to show that she remembered.
"Ukraine is the child who doesn't listen to anything and drives adults into a hurry. Russia launched a war, and many countries condemned and sanctioned him. Dad also said a few days ago that fighting is the worst choice, but at the worst moment, it is also a choice because it is an opportunity to solve the problem. Russia has now chosen war because it has no choice. "
Using the metaphor of adults and children, my daughter basically accepted this explanation, and I went on to answer the second question.
"China and Russia are good friends now. In fact, our relationship with Ukraine is also very good. Russia and Ukraine are still brothers. They used to be a country. "
The daughter opened her eyes wide and expressed surprise.
I continued: "There are no eternal friends between countries and between people. When you have good friends, you should cherish them, but if one day they feel that they are not suitable for each other, don't meet each other calmly, but you can't fight. "
Daughter nodded slowly, only more than seven years old, she seems unable to accept such rhetoric. But when I communicated with my wife later, I said, don't coax her with some childish words and false truths all day because the child is young. Our generation was very naive when they were students, and they really matured after entering the society after rounds of blows.
"Son, what would you do if your good friend had a fight with someone else? Do you want to go together? " I asked my daughter a question.
Daughter hands shaking, "I don't want it! I will advise them not to fight or tell the teacher. "
"Well said, let's China now use this attitude to deal with the conflict between Russia and Ukraine, calling for peace, hoping that both sides of the conflict can solve the problem peacefully through negotiations. Disputes with classmates in the future should be settled peacefully and amicably. If you can't solve it, ask your teacher or parents for help. If there are conflicts between other students, don't intervene, but also persuade them to talk about promoting peace and express your goodwill and fair position, understand? "
"I know!" The daughter waved and ran to play. I don't know how much she can understand But I think it is helpful for children's social growth to convey the right ideas and teach the right methods at the right time when they are willing to communicate with their parents.
Now, not only has everyone's living standard generally improved, but the concept of education for children is also constantly improving. In addition to ensuring children's study and food and clothing, we should also help children establish a correct outlook on life and gradually improve their interpersonal skills. In the usual education of my daughter, I repeatedly conveyed the following ideas:
1. Be kind to others.
Children are kind and beautiful by nature, but I often review her occasional overbearing tone, rude attitude, out-of-control expression and so on with my children. She doesn't think this is a problem now. When dealing with people, we should not only be kind, but also learn to communicate correctly.
Don't bully others, let alone flatter others.
My child is a little girl. Since kindergarten, she has never been bullied by others in behavior or words, and my husband and wife often remind her. More often, I will remind my children not to please others in order to make friends, and my daughter gradually has her own judgment. For example, when playing in public, other children often ask me to give me toys to play with, for example, they say they will not play with you if they don't, or you will not be my good friend. When my daughter was younger, she felt overwhelmed or compromised. Now she will laugh it off and go away to play. On the contrary, other children will feel bored and may come to play together soon.
3. Be tolerant of contradictions and resolutely fight back against bullying.
Personally, I think it is inevitable for children to have language quarrels or physical bumps, and their social skills are gradually matured in such interactions. Parents should not be too involved, but they should have necessary guidance and suggestions. Parents dare to let go, but children can look at many small problems with tolerance and easygoing, and even distinguish what kind of people should stay away from and what kind of behavior is dangerous, thus avoiding many contradictions and security risks. My seven-year-old daughter hasn't seen bullying yet, but I probably introduced it to her and told her that if she can't escape, she must try her best to fight back resolutely. I often test and evaluate children's resistance ability when I play with them at home. I hope not in the future.
Two days ago, when my daughter came back from school, she was very happy to say that she persuaded two male students who fought in the classroom every day to make up, and went to the playground to play ball with several students during recess. I thought to myself, dad went to school, too. That's just a form of releasing the little boy's excessive energy. This is not a real fight, but I am happy to praise the child for "knowing how to persuade and promote peace." However, there are so many ghosts behind the Russian-Ukrainian war, which continues to this day, fanning the flames and looting the fish in troubled waters. Promoting peace is not easy! How unfortunate the children who live there are!
May every child grow up happily.