"Spring, Ten Haizi" (Haizi's last poem)
In spring, all ten Haizi are resurrected
In the bright scenery
Laughing at this savage and sad Haizi
Why did you sleep for so long?
In spring, ten Haizi roared low
Dance and sing around you and me
Tear your black hair, ride on you and fly away, the dust is flying
The pain of being split fills the earth
p>
In spring, the savage and vengeful Haizi
This is the only one left, the last one
This is the son of the night, immersed in winter, devoted to death
I can’t help myself, loving the empty and cold countryside
The grains there are piled high, covering the windows
Half of them are used for the mouths of a family of six. Eat and stomach
Half is used for agriculture, they reproduce themselves
The strong wind blows from east to west, from north to south, ignoring the night and dawn
You What does the dawn mean?
——Haizi, March 14, 1989, 3 a.m. to 4 a.m.
Haizi is destined to be resurrected.
But it can’t be winter. The snow in the Qilian Mountains in winter no longer melts. The Qilian Mountains without snow and water is like a mother without breasts, unable to feed the sad children in the fields.
It can’t be autumn either. In the autumn fields, people continued to have a good harvest. They cut away the grain and took away the horses. The fields in autumn are even more barren than in winter.
It can’t be summer. In summer wheat fields, wheat always stands alone, beautiful and sad. The wind whimpered like the sound of a piano, and all the tears were gone.
So Haizi chose to resurrect in this spring, not only for the happiness of facing the sea and having spring flowers blooming.
Sleep is to welcome the flowers with hazy and sleepy eyes.
I have the impression that this is Haizi’s last poem. After writing it, he committed suicide. I like people who commit suicide because it seems like they are abandoning the world, not that the world is abandoning them. Haizi's death was too tragic. The train ran over his bones, which shattered into countless pieces, like broken emotions that would never be complete no matter how they were put together. This kind of brokenness moved me. I closed my eyes gently and kissed the words he left.
I repeated silently, what do you mean by the dawn?
What do you mean by the dawn?
What do you mean? What does dawn mean?
What do you mean by dawn?
Keep repeating it until your eyes are moist.
I started doing this often, thinking about a sentence over and over again for a long time, trying to make myself numb and unconscious.
Thinking of Ann's words, she said that love is a kind of ability, and sometimes some people do not have such ability.
A woman gently asked the clean man standing opposite,
So, Haizi, is it that the world does not have the ability to love you, or that you do not have the ability to love the world?
Zi Ziyuan's answer is another poem "Facing the sea, the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming."
》