"Qiu Tong leaves are fragrant, tung cotton frost is cool, the wind is blowing, and the lonely mandarin duck is on the Bingxin Lake."
The change is not very good, because I don't know the meaning of writing this poem, what intention I want to express and what feelings I want. If you are not satisfied, please use your own original poem.
Explain the reasons for the change. Generally, the first, second and fourth sentences end with rhyme, and the third scene breaks rhyme. The "cool" and "yang" you pressed belong to Xia Ping Qiyang in Pingshui rhyme, so I used the original rhyme when I changed them.
I'm not sure what you mean by "looking for flowers" Maybe you have your own meaning, but I don't quite understand it, so I changed it without authorization. In this poem, I used the image of phoenix tree. I don't know if you have seen the fruit of Indus. I'm talking about the buttonwood tree in China, not the legendary buttonwood-French buttonwood. ) It's very much like the shape of love. In autumn, the heart of phoenix tree is frosty (concentric), just as the heart is frosty. "Tong Mian Xin Liang" is actually a pun. Finally, I felt that the image of playing Yuanyang was a bit illogical with the whole poem, so I changed it to "Lonely Yuanyang". Generally speaking, the revised poem is a little darker than the original poem. I wonder if it meets your own meaning.
The spirit of Wen is precious. Please don't be too surprised. Pay attention to the feelings you really want to express in your poems. Come on ~