I'm not Jing 'an's original match. I'm his second wife. His first wife was a distant relative of mine. Her last name is Mo. According to seniority, I should call her cousin, but I prefer to call her Sister Mo.
When Jing 'an was twenty years old, she wanted to study in Japan, but her family Weng Naiyu resolutely refused and insisted on getting married first. However, Jing 'an had to give up the idea of studying abroad for a while, obey his father's orders and marry Miss Mo, who was already engaged.
The Wangs and Mos are family friends. Jing 'an was brilliant when he was young, and he was famous in the village when he was young. He is known as one of the "four great talents in Haining". I have also heard of his fame. At that time, I was a young and ignorant girl. I just heard that my cousin is a famous wit. At that time, I envied my cousin's good luck and shouted that I would marry a gifted scholar in the future.
Jing 'an has a very good relationship with Sister Mo. They lived together for ten years. Although they are separated, they have deep feelings.
/kloc-in the summer of 0/907, Sister Mo died of dystocia. Jing 'an, far away in Beijing, was deeply saddened to hear the news. He was obsessed with Sister Mo and wrote many touching mourning poems for her. I've always been jealous of Sister Mo. In fact, I envy her very much and get the most complete love from Jing 'an. As for myself, I dare not think about my place in his heart.
Sister Mo left three sons, the oldest of whom is only nine years old, and the youngest is less than three years old. Jing' an didn't look after the house, so she was at a loss and had to leave her children with her stepmother, Mrs. Ye Tai. Unexpectedly, a few months later, Mrs. Ye suddenly died of illness, leaving her three children unattended and her family affairs unattended. Relatives and friends advised Jing 'an to continue to marry. Jing' an thought twice and finally nodded in agreement.
That year, I was twenty-two years old and still in the boudoir. My sister Mo's mother and my great-aunt Mrs Mo suddenly came to my house to propose to Jing 'an. When she asked me if I would marry Jing 'an, I was a little dumbfounded. I was speechless at the moment and didn't know how to answer. It was a long time before I reacted and nodded desperately. I thought at that time, he is a gifted scholar. What woman doesn't want to marry a gifted scholar?
For Mrs Motta, I am grateful to tears. She sent me to Jing 'an. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be lucky enough to spend a good time with Jing 'an. So many years later, I have been afraid to forget the kindness of the old lady. Every month, I send her living expenses on time. Later, when we moved to Shanghai, I often thought of the old lady. Whenever I know that someone is coming back from my hometown, I ask someone to bring some hawthorn cakes, zongzi candy and mushrooms to the old lady, who likes them very much. After the old lady died, I personally went back to my hometown to attend the funeral, instead of Sister Mo, to do my last filial piety.
My cousin became my husband after a simple wedding. I have to admit that some things are arranged by heaven, such as me and him. Who can say it's not destiny takes a hand?
I had never seen Jing 'an before I got married. I have imagined him countless times in my mind, but when I really saw him, I was shocked to find that he was not what I imagined. He has nothing to do with the charming son's appearance. He is thin, unkempt and has long braids. He is always unsmiling and looks serious and inaccessible, but I soon found out that he is actually the kind of person who is cold outside and hot inside. There is a passion in his heart, and his strength and spirit are in it.
I followed Jing 'an North to Beijing, lived in the new curtain alley in Xuanwumen, and settled down with my next family. Jing 'an concentrated on studying, and I took care of everything at home. Our family's life is gradually on the right track.
Jing 'an is highly myopic and wears a pair of round glasses. Through the thick glass, I saw a pair of gentle eyes. It's really weird. He looks ordinary, but it makes people feel that he is full of magic and can't help but be attracted by him. Not only because of his talent, he has an unspeakable power that people who have never seen him will not understand.
My father was a scholar in the Qing Dynasty. Because I have no intention of being an official, I live in the country to study and teach. I was trained by the imperial court since I was a child, but I can read words and phrases, but I can't talk to Jing 'an. He is too knowledgeable and brilliant. Standing side by side with him, my inferiority complex comes uninvited. I am angry that I am not a talented woman. I can't oppose him in poetry and chat with him. But after a long time, I figured it out. Let nature take its course, he does his learning, I do my housework, and both husband and wife are not necessarily scholars.
After marriage, I tried to persuade Jing 'an to change him into an inappropriate robe and coat, but he didn't like to buy new clothes and didn't want to wear a suit. All I can do is try my best to help him clean everything.
It has been more than ten years since the Qing Dynasty perished, but Jing 'an has always refused to cut off his braid. Every morning after he washes and dresses, I will comb his hair and braid his hair as usual. I once complained to him: "People have cut their braids. What are you doing with them? " He replied, "If you keep it, why did you cut it?" I didn't understand the meaning of his words at that time. In retrospect, I regret it. As a wife, I am ashamed that I don't understand him.
After I got married to the Wangs, I immediately assumed the responsibility of taking care of my stepson and Jing 'an. At the age of 22, I became the stepmother of three children, and I don't know where I got the courage. I'm not timid, I'm not shrinking. On the contrary, I became more and more brave, and my family quickly recovered the warmth of the past.
19 13 gave birth to her daughter dongming in Japan. Jing 'an is very happy. He often makes fun of her. That was the first time I saw him so happy.
Jing 'an and I had eight children, three sons and five daughters, and two daughters died. There are nine children in my family, all of whom depend on me to take care of them. Jing 'an can't take care of people, because he also needs to take care of people. I remember once, I had a terrible toothache, but the children all had high fever one after another. I am too busy taking care of the children to take care of my toothache. Unexpectedly, I forgot the pain when I was busy, and my tooth disease was cured.
Jing 'an has three hobbies in his life, cigarettes, sugar and books, all of which are indispensable.
Jing 'an is a heavy smoker. After dinner, he always smokes a cigarette and drinks a cup of tea before going to work in the study. I heard that smoking can cause lung diseases. I tried to persuade him many times, but it didn't work. He still smokes.
Jing 'an likes sweets, so I specially customized a scarlet cabinet for him and put it in the bedroom, which is cleaned every day. The top two floors of the cupboard are dedicated to snacks. Jing 'an takes a nap after lunch every day, then smokes a cigarette, drinks a cup of tea and goes into the study. After a while, he will run to the cupboard in the bedroom to find snacks to eat. It's really childish and makes people laugh.
Opening the cupboard door is like a small candy store, with everything from Soviet-style refreshments such as chewing gum, steamed bun slices, cloud cakes and crisp candy to dried fruit candy such as red dates, candied dates, poria cocos, walnuts and pine nuts that Jing 'an loves. I go to town from Tsinghua campus every month to buy daily necessities for my family, especially snacks. I carefully selected them, and they were very suitable for his taste.
Jing 'an is very picky about diet. I don't know why, he doesn't want to eat the food cooked by the servant, so I have to cook for him and wash my hands to make the bride soup. Watching him eat with relish, I breathed a sigh of relief and wiped the sweat on my forehead, but I didn't feel tired, but I felt a sense of pride as a competent housewife.
Jing 'an's greatest hobby is books. He likes reading and buying books. His study is full of books. He usually doesn't travel very well, and he likes to go to Liulichang best. He only looks at antiques and mainly buys old books and ancient books. If he sees the book he wants in the bookstore, he will naturally buy it. So every time I know that he is going to Liulichang, I will prepare enough money for him in advance. I still remember one day, he came home with a parcel excitedly. I opened it and found a book in it. He told me like a treasure that what he wanted was not a book, but an old book sandwiched in it.
Jing 'an's study is not neat, and there are books everywhere. I didn't understand it at first, so I often started to help him clean it up, but often I just finished cleaning it up and then it got messy. In this way, I also let him go.
Jing 'an reads and writes books in the study every day and never cares about housework. He has no concept of money. When he was teaching in Tsinghua, he just buried himself in class and went home after class. I always go to school to collect my salary every month. I once complained that he was the head of the family, but he always left me alone to take care of such a big family. But he said, I believe you. I am a little happy to hear this sentence. I can get his affirmation and recognition, but I don't have to work hard.
Contrary to Jing 'an's pessimistic personality, I am an optimist, and I have endless words every day, so my home seems a bit noisy. Jing 'an is happy and quiet. Whenever I see him reading in the study, I quickly drive the children out of the yard to play. As a wife, I have the responsibility to create a quiet reading environment for him.
As a result, children often complain to me that I treat Jing 'an better than all of them. I reflected on myself as if it were true. For many years, I always put Jing 'an in the first place, and his business is always the most important. I don't believe in Buddhism, but I believe in Jing 'an. He is my Buddha.
1926, Qian Ming died suddenly at the age of 27. Among the eight children, Qian Ming is the most painful for Jing 'an. After learning the bad news, he rushed to Shanghai to take care of the funeral, but because of his daughter-in-law's filial piety, he had a conflict with his in-laws Luo Zhenyu, from pen and ink lawsuits to abusive words until he cut off contacts. I am also at fault in this matter. I shouldn't have quarreled with Xiao Chun, causing discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and implicating Jing 'an.
After Qian Ming's death, Jing 'an was extremely sad and unhappy, and broke up with her in-laws. I am worried about him, but I don't know what to do. In fact, he is not as strong as others think.
Now it is 1927, and the situation is changeable and unpredictable. The Northern Expeditionary Army almost arrived outside Beijing, and Jing 'an was even more worried. I looked at him, worried, but helpless, only hating that I didn't understand current affairs and couldn't share his worries. It is too late. This is a lifelong regret.
In late April, Jing 'an, who always dislikes traveling, took the time to take my children and me to visit the Western Hills. I was surprised, but I didn't think much. I should have sensed his thoughts at that time. At that time, he already had the idea of suicide.
On June 2nd, Jing 'an got up early as usual. I combed his hair and prepared breakfast as usual. He looks safe. When he was about to go out to work, he suddenly looked back at me, but he didn't speak. I learned later that it was his last farewell to me.
I waited at home all day, but I never saw Jing 'an coming home from work. I was a little uneasy, so I called Tsinghua to ask. I didn't receive Tsinghua's reply until the evening. They said that Jing 'an sank at Kunming Lake in the Summer Palace at eleven in the morning. I was caught off guard by the sudden incident.
I don't blame Jing 'an's choice. I don't blame him for abandoning me and the children. He has his persistence and persistence in his heart. I can't fully understand it, but I can respect it.
I don't want to live without Jing 'an. While I was taking care of his affairs, I wrote a suicide note and planned to leave with him early. When my daughter Dongming saw the suicide note, she pulled the servant to persuade her, and I gave up the idea. Just let nature take its course and live for him. For me and his children, I will live alone in this world for a few more years.
After Jing 'an left, my family has changed more and more, and I have never been used to it.
Jing 'an's study has become very tidy, and I don't have to clean it every day anymore. I can finally relax, but I'm a little unhappy.
Open the red cupboard in the bedroom, which is empty. I haven't put down snacks for a long time, and I don't need to put them in the future.
After Jing 'an left, no one stubbornly insisted on eating my cooking. Over time, my cooking has actually deteriorated a lot.
Before Jing 'an died, I once complained that he didn't understand people. For many years, the husband and wife have never written me a word. It was not until I sorted out his belongings that I found that he secretly wrote many poems with my name clearly written on them. At that moment, tears welled up.
I know his tenderness is too late.
From 65438 to 0928, I moved back to Haining, my hometown in Jing 'an, with my children from Beijing.
From 65438 to 0949, my fourth son Ji Ming and I moved to Taiwan Province Province and lived in Kaohsiung. I often sit alone at the top of the mountain and look at the direction of the mainland from a distance. Ji Ming always said: It's too far to see home. I answered him: yes, I can. I saw your father sitting quietly under the loquat tree in our yard, holding an old book in his hand, just like before.
After many years, I finally understand a truth: some people come to this world for nothing but to love the one who is destined to be.