Unfortunately, as a strong family education, parents nowadays don't have much experience to learn from. In this case, the life plan designed by parents for their children is likely to be self-righteous and out of thin air. The result may be that the greater the parents' efforts, the more the children will suffer and the greater the possibility of deviating from the normal development track.
Everyone was a child, and everyone will be a parent. For the sake of children, we should re-examine ourselves: Are we qualified to be parents? When we scold our children for not loving learning, do we set an example ourselves? When we accuse school education of having problems, do we realize that many problems are actually our own problems?
Phenomenon 1: The violin took away my childhood.
In the eyes of many people, Kawako is a very outstanding young man. I graduated from a famous university in China at the age of 28, but I have a lot to say about family education.
It's hard to describe my family education in one word. I have a strong curiosity since I was a child, and I like to get to the bottom of everything. My father found this out and bought me many books from the poor family budget. At that time, there were not many entertainment projects, and reading became my greatest pleasure.
My father started his education plan-English, Japanese, calligraphy, violin ... My childhood began to change.
I was born in a small town. There weren't so many classes at that time, and all the lectures were finished by my father. In fact, he doesn't understand some things, but he is as self-righteous as most parents when it comes to educating children.
I remember at that time, I was arrested at 5 o'clock every morning and began to read a foreign language with him for two hours. Then, like other children, I took up my schoolbag and started a day of school life. If foreign languages and calligraphy are just "overweight", the so-called hobby-violin is a nightmare for me. I say this because it's not my hobby at all, but his own. Like many parents, he imposed his hobbies and dreams on his children and took away the happiness of my childhood. It was also from the summer vacation of the third grade of primary school that I added an important content to my life-practicing the piano, and the teacher is of course myself. Limited by the conditions, I didn't even have a suitable children's piano at that time, so I practiced it directly with an adult piano, which was a severe test for my arm strength and jaw. I remember that summer vacation, I had to practice piano for 8 hours every day, and after school, which almost squeezed out all my spare time.
In my father's view, watching me do nothing after school is a waste of time. At that time, what my father said every day was "Don't waste time". Then take part in various performances and get such honor. My father's vanity was greatly satisfied. Of course, the demand for playing the piano is getting worse and worse, and there is a slight slack, which is followed by the combination of fists and feet. Contrary to other children, I was most afraid of school and winter and summer vacations. At least at school, I can cope with it easily, but when I get home, I have to pay my sweat and tears for that "hobby" that doesn't belong to me. This situation lasted for six years, until I entered the high school and temporarily got rid of my family.
What did I get at the expense of my precious childhood? I haven't touched the violin since I went to college, because the sight of it will remind me of that painful day. Because of this, the feelings between my father and I have become more and more indifferent. Going home from college holidays, I found it difficult to find a topic. Calling home at ordinary times has become a responsibility and obligation, not the needs of family members. Worst of all, the long-term resistance even changed my character, which made me encounter many difficulties in college and work.
In fact, my situation in China is by no means a case. Every winter and summer vacation, I feel deeply sad when I see my parents carrying their children with electronic keyboards and violins. Many people say that parents' love is selfless. I want to stir up the world and put forward some different views. How many children learn this because they really like it? How many parents really understand their children's interests?
I want to tell parents all over the world that children are not your private property and let them do what they want. (Kawako)
Phenomenon 2: My son's complaint breaks my heart.
Everything I do is for my son. I hope to design my son into an adult, but the result is counterproductive.
I didn't have a son until I was 30. This is a real treasure. I'm afraid to freeze in my hand and melt in my mouth. My son has been obedient since childhood, and I am determined to train my son according to my plan.
When I was in elementary school, I chose the best local school for him and enrolled him in three extracurricular classes in one breath. We put all our hopes on our son.
My son has a good academic record. In the fifth grade, I had asked my son to complete the sixth grade course. Therefore, my son ended his primary school career before he went to the sixth grade. I decided to let my son jump directly to junior high school! And I have to go to the best junior high school.
So, I managed to get my son admitted to a key junior high school that was a hundred miles away from home by making connections and trying to find a way. My son has never been out of the house since he was a child, so I rented two rooms near the school to be accompanied by his grandparents. My husband and I visit them every Sunday, so I can only visit my baby son at night.
Communicating with my son is the most painful thing. At the beginning of school, my son always cried for me in the classroom. Finally, one day, my son said in class that he had a headache and could not listen to the class. I hurried to school and sent my son to check. It is said that headache may be caused by brain nerve disorder caused by excessive study pressure.
When I was admitted to high school, my son filled in a B-class high school without consulting us. He may feel that he can't get into a class A key high school. Later, my son was admitted to Class B high school, but we refused to let him go. I managed to transfer my son to a key high school. But my son didn't want to, and he did a lot of ideological work to get into a key high school.
I don't know why, my son has been depressed in key high schools, and his academic performance has of course gone from bad to worse. He told me: "I am in a key high school, and I rank last in every exam." I have lost all my confidence, and I blame you! " "
My son's complaint broke my heart. When I was a sophomore, my son wanted to study liberal arts. I said: "The future employment of liberal arts is too narrow, and the proportion of college entrance examination is also small. Learning liberal arts has no future. " My son finally listened to me and chose science. But my son has a poor foundation in mathematics and physics, and he is never happy when he comes back from school every day. As a result, the results of the college entrance examination were only on the specialist line.
When I filled in my volunteer, my son signed up for a junior college in Inner Mongolia. I think the school is too far from home, but my son said, "I just want to stay away from you!" " "When choosing a major, my son wants to study business administration. I said, "Is it better to go to junior college or learn a practical technology and apply for a computer major?" "My son listened to me again and filled in the computer major.
Who knew I was wrong again this time? After my son arrived at school, he was extremely uninterested in computer science. I suggest that he find a school leader to change his major at school. Who knows that he actually said to me: "Just treat me as a dead man and leave me alone!"
Now that my son is back from vacation, he basically doesn't want to talk to me. I wanted to find a chance to talk to my son, but my son deliberately avoided me ... (Xin Yuan)
visual angle
Family education needs innovation.
At present, the current situation of family education in China is not optimistic, the biggest reason is the fracture and failure of family education tradition in China.
In fact, most of the contents of family education are inheritance rather than innovation. As long as children are educated according to their parents' experience, they probably won't make mistakes. But the problem now is that the family education experience we have gained cannot be referenced today. Therefore, every parent in contemporary China is groping.
Children's problems are mostly caused by family problems. Although it is manifested in children, it is rooted in adults. On parents, parents have to "take medicine" to cure their children's "illness". Therefore, the quality education of young people in China is not only a question that schools and society must answer, but also a question that every family must face squarely. It needs every family to answer, and everyone needs to answer!
Education is in school, quality is in parents! Without the improvement of parents' quality, there will be no high quality of children. This truth, like the improvement of teachers' quality, is the basis and prerequisite for the improvement of students' quality. Looking at the current problem of students' burden reduction from this perspective, my view is that students' burden reduction cannot be at the expense of the quality of education, and there is only one way, that is, teachers and parents should "reduce the burden". On the one hand, teachers should change teaching concepts and methods to improve teaching efficiency. On the other hand, parents can no longer teach their children by experience, but should learn how to be a competent parent and an excellent parent.
Thousands of children are the hope of a country. For adults, no success can make up for the failure of the family, while for minors, if the family is dereliction of duty, even if there are no more schools, community workstations, psychological rooms and reeducation-through-labor centers, it will not help. (Wang Donghua, Director of the Institute of Mother Education, East China Jiaotong University)
The method of educating children is very important.
Is it true that only "bad" children need good family education, but the so-called good children don't? In contact, we found that some "good" children were afraid to expose their problems. They don't want to ruin their image in the eyes of parents, teachers and classmates. They are very tired. So many "good" children have become two-faced, optimistic and happy on the surface, but pessimistic and lonely inside.
However, the above problems have been ignored by parents and teachers. There are many highly educated parents who are always confident that there is nothing wrong with their education methods. A high school student once said in a letter: Her father is a professor at Fudan University and her mother is a deputy general manager. Her family has given her an invisible pressure since she was a child. When she transferred to a new key high school, her academic performance began to decline because she could not adapt to the school environment and the pressure from her family, and then she fell into a vicious circle. Until the college entrance examination, her fear reached the extreme, and finally she thought of suicide ... Fortunately, the girl was saved. But the girl's parents still don't realize that there is something wrong with their education. They always think that this child is too ignorant of cherishing life and repaying kindness.
How can there be a naturally sensible child! Children need not only good friends and teachers, but also good parents! It can be seen from this example that every parent should attach importance to family education. (Yan Tao, Institute of Appreciation Education, China Tao Xingzhi Research Association)
What kind of view of children should we have?
Behind education is the society's view of children: what is a child? What should it be? This concept determines or influences the mode and content of education. Since modern times, China's dominant view of children has gone through a process from "family-oriented" to "nation-state-oriented" and then to "family-nation-state-oriented", and our modern education system has also been established and gradually evolved under this conceptual context.
The concept of children based on nation-state is similar to that based on family in many aspects: children are the means of overall goal. The interests of children must be subordinated to the interests of the country and the family, and individual needs must give way to the needs of the whole. Consistent with this view of children, China's modern education has largely followed the enlightenment and passive education mode in traditional education.
Under the domination of this concept and system, some social conditions and problems of children in China have been left behind. Some basic rights of children and adolescents have not been effectively guaranteed, and some of their basic needs have not been fully recognized and guaranteed by the system. Their needs such as psychological quality training and personality development are even ignored by our education.
Nowadays, the rapid changing trend of social values diversification and information openness, as well as the increasingly personalized requirements of society for its members, reflect the disadvantages of the existing educational model in cultivating children's personality, independent ability and self-responsibility.
What we lack today is "what children need" and "for children" education. Only when children's basic rights become social knowledge and are guaranteed by the minimum system can they be expected to face and enter the society physically and mentally, and assume civic obligations to society and morality and responsibility to mankind. (Professor Chen Yingfang from East China Normal University)
Related links
Family education should take full responsibility for the enrichment of knowledge, the development of ideas and the formation of good habits. Chen Heqin
The chief educator and the first teacher of children are mother and father.
If we don't systematically carry out pedagogy education and improve parents' educational literacy, no matter what kind of education work, it is completely incredible. -Suhomlinski
Family life is in every period of children's growth, no, it is unparalleled in a person's life. -Froebel
Mother is the best teacher for her children, and she gives them more education than all the schools combined. -Krupskaya
Other answers changhuijin-10-3017: 49:11
This is a difficult problem.
You can find out where children's interests are.
Just guide him slowly.
x _ erme- 10-30 17:49:30
Change schools.
- 10-30 17:57:20
First of all, the child must be a smart and thoughtful child.
Such children are more difficult to educate because they are often very independent. Unless you get his approval, it is difficult to make others' opinions obedient.
Such children are often well educated, because they often have the virtue of persistence and trustworthiness.
I think children are too young to tell good from bad. He just judges things according to his own preferences. At this time, parents are tired, and it is absolutely impossible to beat and scold.
Give priority to persuasion and education, constantly persuade and patiently and meticulously guide. Such a child is very spiritual, and within a few times, the child will realize the painstaking efforts of teachers and parents and completely change.
xzfxm-09- 14 23:46: 17
How to educate children to grow up healthily
How to cultivate children to study hard and broaden their horizons.
Every child has a strong thirst for knowledge. In view of his special curiosity about some new things in society, he wants to know everything But as an adult, his level is limited, and sometimes his questions can't be answered clearly, which makes him deeply confused. What should I do in this situation? I think every child's parents have their own solutions, but as parents, we should pay attention to it, and we should not give vague explanations and mislead children. Tell your children frankly: mom and dad don't know much about this problem. Can I tell you when mom and dad find out? Take the children to the library and other books to consult materials on Saturday or Sunday, and make clear the questions raised by the children, which not only helps the children solve problems, but also helps them learn knowledge by themselves. Adults should be busy, take children to read more books, wander in the ocean of knowledge, fully cultivate children's learning, increase their knowledge and broaden their horizons, both children and adults will benefit a lot.
Second, how to help children overcome difficulties, not be discouraged and face difficulties.
It's hard to know what's going on without it. When children encounter minor difficulties or setbacks, they often feel depressed and depressed in their studies. Once, I took a special course with my children. No matter how many times I taught the teacher by myself, I didn't learn a single movement. At that time, when I heard the teacher's severe criticism, I felt that my face was nowhere to be found, and my heart was particularly uncomfortable. What should we do? I repeatedly asked myself, should we give up or help our children overcome this difficulty? After coming home from school, with the joint efforts of the children, the children have learned this movement very standard. In the next class, I accompanied my child to the special class of the school. The child successfully passed the test of the instructor and praised the child for his rapid progress on the spot. At this time, the mood is very different from the last class, especially comfortable, the children are praised, the learning motivation is more sufficient, and the movements they have learned are particularly standard. Give up if you are criticized by the teaching teacher. Don't give up all your previous efforts and give up halfway.
Third, how to help children overcome psychological barriers and get along well with others.
Several times when I came back from other places, I just entered the room and saw the child with a long face, tears on his face and no words. I must have had something unpleasant with my classmates. After strong ideological work, the child finally told the story, helped the child to open the knot and let the child smile through tears. What should be criticized in person is the fault of one's own child, not that of other children. Give full understanding according to the situation, encourage children to be open-minded, don't care about other people's minor faults, and actively get along with others.
Judging from the current family, most parents pin their hopes on their children. It takes a lot of efforts to realize this hope of "expecting children to succeed" or "expecting daughters to succeed", and the family is the children's first "school" and the parents are the children's first "teachers". The success of family education will inevitably become the key to the healthy growth of the "only generation".
It has been said that the fate of a country is in the hands of parents rather than those in power-the future of society must be borne by the new generation, and parents shoulder the heavy responsibility of shaping the future. Therefore, it can be said that the parents of the contemporary "only generation" in China have great responsibilities.
From the current children's point of view: because they are only children, they are "little sun" and "little emperor" at home. Some families ignore their children's mental health education, or fail to adopt correct educational methods and pay attention to the cultivation of good behavior habits, which leads to their self-centered and self-centered psychology. Over time, form bad behavior habits. According to the survey data of relevant parties in China, the qualified rate of children's psychological quality in China is only 19%, that in the United States is 4 1%, and that in Japan is over 60%. Some people say, "The intelligence and wisdom of China children are world-famous, and the differences in psychological quality are also famous." Therefore, we must attach great importance to family education and use correct family education methods to ensure the healthy growth of children until they become talents.
First of all, education should start with understanding children, strengthen emotional communication with children and establish good family relations. Understanding is to understand the child's personality, interests, hobbies, what he is thinking, what he usually does and what kind of people he associates with. Understanding means not to ignore the role of children in the family. Children have something to express their opinions in the family, and don't say "what do children know". We should listen to their opinions and build a family, that is, the rights and status of every member of the family are respected. Respecting children's rights and status at home is not blindly doting on children and putting them in the position of "little emperor". Obedience to children is not respect, but doting.
Secondly, teaching by example is more important than teaching by example. In the family, children grow up under the influence and education of their parents and know the world around them. Parents' attitudes towards life, career and life have an important influence on their children. Therefore, parents should constantly improve their own quality.
On the basis of the above knowledge and understanding of children, while attaching importance to setting an example, we should pay attention to the educational method of "opening a lock with one key", which can receive good results. Below, the performance and main education methods of several common types of children are listed:
The first category: children with excess energy. These children are mainly fond of playing and fighting, and difficult to discipline, but they are smart, active, quick-witted and receptive.
The main methods of education: first, we should establish good interpersonal relationships with children and let them know that they are not "disobedient children", so that they can easily receive psychological education and guidance. Secondly, we should let go and discipline appropriately. If the discipline is too strict, it will be counterproductive if it is not in line with their personality. Give him some time and space for activities. Thirdly, patient teaching: patient education and persuasion, through reasoning, let children understand that some of their "opinions" are not so good and do not conform to social morality and norms, so as to give up their "opinions" on their own initiative, overcome their own problems and gradually move towards the road of growth.
The second category: children who are not attentive in class. Such children are mainly active, fun and talkative in class, and even absent-minded when studying at home. Regarding the education of such children, some parents said, "That's a school matter, and I shouldn't be in charge, and I can't sit next to the children." In fact, to cultivate children to concentrate on listening, we should start from daily life, because living habits and study habits are closely related.
The main methods of education: first, parents should train their children to listen and do it at once; Secondly, in life, parents can consciously train their children's obedient ability, such as arranging three or four things, what to do first, what to do later, and what to do finally. Parents can observe whether their children are like this; Thirdly, parents should consciously cultivate their children's attention and talk to them. Children must look at your face and listen. Fourth, parents can also tell their children some tips for attending classes; Fifth, parents should try their best to let their children retell the contents of the class, or talk about the most impressive problems in the class.
The third category: children who pursue money and material enjoyment. This kind of children are mainly characterized by "wearing famous brands and eating fine products", paying attention to food and clothing, and some have to go to school by motorcycle and tricycle.
The main methods of education: first, parents should set an example, be hard and simple, and tell their childhood life experiences and stories; Secondly, parents should tell their children about their family income and expenditure plans and seek their opinions appropriately; Thirdly, effectively educate children to spend money in a planned way and educate children with typical examples.
The fourth category is children who have no attitude towards the education of their elders. Such children turn a deaf ear to the education of their parents and teachers.
The main educational methods: first, let children understand the painstaking efforts of their parents and understand that any educational methods of parents and teachers are for the healthy growth of children; Secondly, education should be carried out in a harmonious atmosphere to eliminate their "hostility" and make them willing to listen; Third, give the child the right to speak and let him tell the reason, even if it is incorrect or untrue; Fourth, be more tolerant. After education, we will do something wrong, give us a chance to correct it and wait patiently. Fifth, the tone of educating children should be firm, and parents of both sides should speak in the same way. Some parents are joking, some are careless, some are understated, and some are boastful, which is not conducive to education.
The fifth category, children with serious inertia. This kind of children are mainly manifested in passive learning, incomplete or plagiarized homework, which leads to blank test papers or cheating in exams and lax life.
The main methods of education: first of all, we should start training from the usual housework, and don't let children open their mouths to ask for food and reach for clothes; The second is to help children make plans and strengthen supervision and inspection; Third, parents should lead by example and lead by example in everything; Fourth, we should cultivate the habit of hard work from the little things that children can do, persevere and insist on training.
In short, parents only need to adhere to the educational principle of "moving with emotion, understanding with reason, guiding with action and perseverance" in family education.
First, educate children to "learn to be human"
Educating children to learn to be human is the main and fundamental task of family education, and it is also the core issue of implementing the concept and requirements of quality education. Educating children to be human is to attach great importance to children's ideological and moral education. As parents, we can't value intellectual education over moral education. Because what is more important than knowledge is ability, and what is more important than ability is morality. Family education focuses on educating children to be human beings, mainly to improve their ideological and moral level, cultivate their habits of observing social morality, and enhance their legal awareness and sense of social responsibility.
Second, educate children to "learn to seek knowledge"
There are many ways to learn knowledge, but the important one is to cultivate children's good study habits. Don't force children to "memorize" knowledge, but focus on understanding and learning to use knowledge flexibly.
Third, educate children to "learn to work"
It is necessary to guide children to participate in housework as much as possible, support children to participate in social welfare work, and cultivate their self-care ability and work habits. Children who study and work from an early age will benefit for life. Diligence is the foundation of all virtues, and laziness is the root of all evils. Therefore, it is a compulsory basic course for family education to arrange children to participate in labor from an early age. Fourth, educate children to "learn to stand on their own feet"
In the process of children's growth, there will be many bumps. Therefore, parents should cultivate their children's independent ability, the ability to face setbacks bravely, and the ability to improvise, so that children can learn to hone their wings and fly in the vast world.
Today's society is a competitive society. People in this highly competitive era will be eliminated by society if they have no knowledge, special skills and various abilities. Therefore, parents should not only educate their children to learn cultural and scientific knowledge well, but also actively participate in other activities to cultivate their children's abilities in all aspects, so that they can develop in an all-round way and become useful people in society. The education and cultivation of children is a very complicated knowledge, and our parents will try their best to cooperate with the school education and create a good environment for the healthy growth of children.
Cultivate children's love of learning
It is not enough for parents to tell their children that it is important to go to school. They must also explain to their children that learning cannot stop with higher grades or diplomas. Learning is a way of life.
You don't have to spend a lot of money to improve your children's interest in learning, but let them see that you are reading. You can take them to museums or exhibitions. These rich extracurricular activities will make children have a strong desire for knowledge.
suit one's actions to one's words
It is better for children to compare with themselves. As long as he makes progress every day, parents should give their children appropriate encouragement, whether in study or in other aspects, even a little.