While sleeping, I suddenly remembered the couplet in the long couplet of Daguan Tower: "Don't live up to the fragrant rice around you, the vast hectares of clear sand, the hibiscus in nine summers, and the willows in three springs." Such a "Don't live up to it" made me laugh for a while. It hurts my heart. In the past half of my life, I have let down too many friends, family, and especially my parents! To sum up, it’s all my fault that I am not strong enough in my heart, my will is not firm enough, and my character lacks tenacity!
I suddenly remembered what Cao Cao said about Yuan Shao in the section "Discussing Heroes with Green Plums Boiled in Wine" in "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms": "He is fierce and timid, he is always scheming, he cherishes his own life when doing big things, and sees small gains." "And forget one's fate", when applied to myself, it is actually just right. Isn’t it true that being “scheming and undecided” means thinking more and doing less? ——I am a person with random thoughts, and good ideas and ideas burst out at any time, but I just don’t put them into practice, or I just start, and give up halfway when encountering a little resistance...
This is full of warm sunshine. I don’t want to live up to it any longer.
Nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory. I once thought that for me, more than this ratio should be ten out of ten, one hundred percent, one thousand percent, ten thousand percent. In fact, this is the fallacy of one-sided emphasis on external factors without looking for the reasons within oneself.
It is true that from the day I started working, I was unknowingly involved in factional disputes. It is an indisputable fact that I was suppressed and restricted everywhere. Even my opponents who suppressed me lamented that I was very It's a pity, but this cannot be a reason for self-destruction!
Thinking about Liu Yuxi and Su Shi, whom I most admired, my little setback was nothing compared to their ups and downs in officialdom and was not worth mentioning.
Liu Yuxi managed to save his head and was demoted to "the desolate land of Bashan and Shushui" for twenty-three years. He was not depressed and was full of passion for life and the future. "Thousands of sails passed by the side of the sinking boat, and thousands of trees grew in front of the diseased trees." "Today I listen to a song of Jungle, and for a moment I can keep my spirits up with a glass of wine." "Since ancient times, autumn has been sad and lonely, and I say that autumn is better than spring. A crane lining the clouds in the clear sky brings poetry to the sky." How open-minded. .
Looking at Su Shi again, he was even more arrogant. He was demoted three times and it can be said that his official rank plummeted. However, he still sang "The Great River Goes to the East" and was still able to "talk like a teenager" in his later years. He left behind "the third running script in the world" and "Huangzhou Cold Food Post", which has become a model of "three cultivations of poetry, calligraphy and prose" in the history of Chinese culture and literature, and no one can surpass it.
As a foolish ordinary person, I cannot compare with them, but we can imitate them and "grow in spirit" with the help of their open-mindedness and pride!
In the past fifteen years, due to the debt crisis, I have always been sunny and strong on the outside, but depressed and hesitant on the inside, especially in the past three years. The first dream of "reading, writing and making articles" shattered into chicken feathers and floated all over the floor.
I have no interest in reading any books, I can’t help myself when writing, and I forget words when writing. According to my age, this is the autumn of life, but I clearly feel that the winter of life has arrived early, and I feel frozen everywhere. Chilling.
Who would have thought that the past year of 2018, my fourth birth year, would bring a few rays of warm sunshine into this early winter, rekindling my hope in life.
Everyone is afraid of the year of birth, but I want to thank my birth year of 48 and the good luck in 2018.
In March, I was able to participate in the one-year calligraphy training for teachers - "Spring Plowing Training Class". Under the guidance of the teacher, I truly entered the door of calligraphy and understood my own gaps and shortcomings. I also understood the true meaning and connotation of calligraphy, and I am no longer self-righteous and blind when learning calligraphy.
In May, just after my birthday, I got acquainted with the convenient "" platform, which rekindled my first dream of "writing articles" that was on the verge of being extinguished. On May 30th, I started writing again. stand up.
At first, although I started writing, I wrote and talked to myself, and basically did not communicate with my friends. Starting from November, I participated in the "Daily Update" and the "Second Novel Creation" After "months", I slowly opened my heart on the Internet, and received the encouragement from my friends, as well as the rewards and appreciation from the platform and various topics. These are the bundles of warm sunshine shining into the winter, warming my desolate life. The heart that has been cold for a long time gives me support and sustenance every day, and I am no longer lonely and hesitant.
However, in addition to "daily updates", I am still thinking about my creation without a clear direction. There is no fixed time for writing. Although I have a strong desire to read, I am restless. I should adjust it as soon as possible and start with time management. Adjust yourself to the best state of "reading, writing and making articles", make it a habit, and do it consistently.
Live up to the warm sunshine in winter, let the first dream continue, and let yourself come back!