First of all, talk about the teacher. Teachers should become "teachers with mental health". Teachers' profession is the profession of heart-to-heart, affection and affection, and soul-to-soul. Therefore, teachers should educate and influence students with healthy mentality, emotion and soul.
First, mental health.
For example, learn to adjust yourself. Psychology advocates: self-regulation, be kind to others. Teachers should return to zero from the psychological mountain and be "the same age" as students in order to have the same feelings as children. For example, when I visited the basic education in Britain, I saw that students were "idolized", and teachers were earlier than students, idolized and even ahead (Figure).
Second, we should understand the psychological needs of students, not the needs of teachers themselves.
Zhengzhou 14 Grade 2 class is decided by the students themselves. More than 20 selected class rules cover different aspects of study and life: collecting and selling waste products in the class regularly to help students with family difficulties; Every afternoon before the last class, the teacher leads the whole class to sing a song to relieve fatigue; Students who violate classroom discipline perform small programs for the whole class; Remember your parents' birthdays, send your own wishes and so on. If more than two-thirds of the students agree with each proposal, it may become a new class rule. Teachers become the "gatekeepers" of the new class rules, ensuring that the selected content does not run counter to the "Code of Daily Conduct for Middle School Students" and school rules in the advocacy direction. In Zhengzhou 14, this practice changed from teachers "standardizing" students and students "boycotting" the code of conduct to students "standardizing" themselves and students "voluntarily observing" the code of conduct.
Third, we should respect the special needs of students and help them get out of trouble.
For example, students can raise their hands when they go to the toilet. It shows that teachers really respect students' needs, not their own.
Fourth, be a teacher with human feelings.
The famous Swiss educator Pestaloch once said: "I have been living among them from morning till night. My hands hold their hands, and my eyes look at their eyes. I shed tears with them, and I smiled with them. " I heard the students sing a song by Song Like: "The sun shines in the sky, the flowers smile at me, and the birds say, good morning, good morning, why are you carrying explosives?" I went to bomb the school, and the teacher didn't know. As soon as I pulled the string, I ran as fast as I could, and the school was bombed with a bang. "Singing reflects students' desire for emotion. For example, I was deeply impressed when I was a humanized teacher and principal in a rural primary school in England. Students feel that the school is a "warm home", which lays the foundation of life with emotion. "
Mental health is not to solve problems and care about people's health, but to love and fear life itself. This is noble mental health.
Fifth, give students the opportunity to correct their mistakes.
For example, a student lost 10 yuan. The teacher's solution is not to find the thief, but to give him a chance to correct his mistakes. Like an eraser on a pencil, you can correct your mistakes at any time. The key is how educators guide students to correct their mistakes. Only in this way can mental health bring happiness to students, sunshine to positive mentality and lay a good foundation for teenagers' lives. Let me tell you a story: Danny is a third-grade pupil. He never plays games with his classmates because he is afraid of failure. He seldom answers questions for fear of making mistakes. The teachers have tried their best to help him rebuild his self-confidence, but it seems that they are just doing nothing. Until a female teaching assistant named Mary came to Danny's class. One day Mary will teach her students some math problems. Danny volunteered to copy those questions neatly on the blackboard. However, when the teaching got to the third question, the whole class found the mistakes in the question. Danny's face flushed and tears ran down his cheeks. After class, Mary called Danny to the office. Mary said, "Danny, did you see it?" The teacher will give you a reward! "Danny looked down the teacher's hand doubtfully and found it was a pencil." Danny. These are the teacher's pencils. Look at the eraser on the pen. Why so old? Because the teacher will wipe it when she makes a mistake! This is why pencils should be equipped with erasers! The teacher gave you these pencils. Remember that teachers make mistakes and everyone makes mistakes, but don't be afraid, because there is an eraser! "
What should parents do?
What my parents complain about most is that they can't communicate with teenagers. Therefore, I mainly talk about communication, how to communicate with children? Talk about children's favorite topics. Here, combined with investigation and research, I put forward the following suggestions:
1, talking about family matters.
Such as pocket money, bedtime events, surfing the internet, travel plans, etc. In addition to knowing, children want to express their opinions and make their own decisions. In this way, children will have a sense of accomplishment when they participate in family affairs, which will bring them closer to their parents.
2. talk about feelings.
Parents in China have less emotional communication or intimate contact with their children, which is not as good as in the West. For example, parents in Britain, Greece and other countries often hug their children and often say "I love you" to them, so there are more emotional exchanges. In our country, parents love their children more, but their emotional expression is restrained. A female classmate wrote in the letter: "Dad, how I long for you to say a word in front of me: Daughter, Dad loves you. It is such a sentence that I have been looking forward to it since kindergarten. I have been looking forward to today. I am 19 years old, you haven't said it yet! " It can be seen that children are eager for their parents to speak out their love and express their feelings loudly!
3. Talk about the future.
Talk about tomorrow's topic, thoughts about the future, etc. For example, what will they look like in a few years, how tall their children can grow, what expectations their parents have, what kind of people they want to be when they grow up, and so on. I once read an article entitled "A Letter from Parents to Children", which talked a lot about how to love yourself, learn to be responsible, be healthy, have a girlfriend and choose a job. Although trivial and straightforward, it makes everyone who sees the letter cry for these "ramblings" and let the children know that you care not only about their present, but also their future.
4. Tell me about reality.
It is the problems faced by teenagers, such as rising prices, environmental protection, employment and so on. Nowadays, many children want to know the world events and news, and want to discuss these things with their parents at home. They often talk about the threat of nuclear war and discuss why nuclear war will cause people's anxiety. Therefore, it is one of the important ways to communicate with children and learn about current events in Kan Kan and abroad.
5. Tell me about the children themselves.
Parents can discuss around their children, such as caring about their interests, favorite friends, costumes, idols, even just their lives, and sometimes even talking about falling in love with their children. For example, a middle school student who lives in Wuhan was kicked out of the classroom by the teacher because he was late for class. He jumped over the wall and ran out of school in a rage, and went to the Internet cafe for more than ten days. After his father found him, he took him home without saying a word and made a table for the children to eat. Since then, my father has posted a small note on the child's bedroom door every day, which reads, "Son, you only surfed the Internet for a few hours yesterday, which is much better than before." "Son, it's good that the teacher said you weren't late recently." "Son, you said yesterday that you wanted to be a physicist, and dad was happy for you." The words on these small notes played a magical role, and father and son became good friends who talked about everything. Later, he even gave all his original accounts for playing games and became a serious child.
6. Tell me about your parents.
Children especially like to listen to their parents' "stories", including when they are in love, especially when they are afraid and encounter difficulties. They very much hope that their parents will tell them some similar experiences or "stupid things" they have done. Because what children need most when facing a difficult or unfamiliar environment is experience, parents can share their experiences with their children in time, which not only solves their psychological difficulties, but also helps to deepen their feelings.
7. Pay attention.
Focus on the child's conversation. In the process of conversation, we should be "heart to heart, face to face, eye to eye." Psychological research points out that insufficient visual contact means that parents are not interested in conversation; You can also use voice or language to identify children's emotions and encourage them to go on; You can also keep some physical contact; Always listen to the child, don't talk to the child at the same time.
2) How do teenagers do it themselves?
1, correctly understand and accept your own changes.
Andersen once said, "When I was an ugly duckling, I never dreamed that I would become a white swan one day." Don't be afraid to grow, and don't refuse to grow, but adapt to it. Growth is the law and inevitable result of human development. How to adapt to growth? Take the initiative to understand psychological development. Modern information is very developed, and we can actively understand the knowledge of physical and mental changes through various channels, such as the reasons, ways and results of the changes. During my high-level visit to the United States, I conducted some surveys on the elderly in the United States. They are not weary in old age and are not afraid of death. But to accept and adapt to old age, which is a positive attitude towards life and wisdom.
2. Experience and enjoy your own growth.
There is a word called "happiness", which means pain and happiness. Walking in adolescence, everyone will have this feeling of pain and happiness. In other words, don't treat the troubles brought by growth as troubles. Life is a special gift for teenagers. If you don't cherish it, you will lose it. If you lose your precious talent, it means you don't know the goods, but you lack the ability. So we should try our best to experience this unique feeling and find ways to enjoy it. For example, if you like loneliness, let yourself be lonely for a while, enough, and then devote yourself to new activities. But I don't want everyone to keep these negative emotions going for a long time, let alone treat some normal psychological experiences as diseases and obstacles.
3. Be prepared for "three life passes".
1989, the international symposium on education in the 20th century was held in Beijing. Three "passports" were put forward at the conference: one is academic, the other is professional, and the third is to prove a person's professionalism and creativity. These three "customs", the first two are the foundation, without the third, the first two can't play. Sandao Pass was not built in a day, nor can it be measured by knowledge and diploma. It's actually a personality trait. The so-called personality traits refer to the overall characteristics of people's mental outlook, including cognition, emotion, will and personality characteristics and tendencies. This means that whether a person can survive and develop in society does not depend on what kind of diploma he has obtained and what kind of occupation he is engaged in, but on his personality characteristics and further depends on his mental health.
The more society develops and science and technology progress, the higher the requirements for people's psychological quality or mental health level. Therefore, young friends, while you are full of energy, you should cultivate creativity and enterprising spirit, which is an important symbol of healthy people and the foundation of a happy life. Only by laying a solid, solid and solid foundation can we meet the challenges in the future. If you want to lay a solid foundation, you must relieve your troubles. There is a saying in ancient poetry: if there is no trouble, it is a good time on earth. Therefore, I wish everyone a healthy and happy mind to create a happy life.
Be good at self-psychological adjustment
Good psychological adjustment is conducive to being accepted by others. A person who is usually good at psychological adjustment can always keep his mind in a good state, showing an optimistic and sunny person, which is easily accepted by people around him. We conducted a nationwide survey of teenagers and found that the popularity index of enthusiastic and cheerful students reached 92%, that is, everyone liked him; Indifferent and withdrawn students' index is 8 1%. This shows that sunny people are deeply loved by everyone and easily supported by people around them.
Good mental health is conducive to grasping life.
Good mental health is conducive to grasping life. There is a western proverb: "Sowing behavior harvests habits, sowing habits harvest character, and sowing character harvests fate." When we face difficulties, we adjust our psychology again and again, maintain a good attitude, and over time, develop a good character that is not afraid of difficulties and positive, which will eventually change a person's fate. Zhang Haidi is a typical example that everyone is familiar with. There are similar representatives abroad. Can you tell? Hawking is the most concerned scientist after Einstein, and Stephen Hawking, the most famous physicist and professor at Cambridge University in England, is one of them. At the age of 22, he was diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis At present, he is confined to a wheelchair and "speaks" by pressing the synthesizer with three fingers. This speech is enclosed in quotation marks, which means his meaning, not his voice. However, he still actively adjusted his psychology and was not hindered by illness to sprint to the peak of the material world and challenge himself. His thoughts galloped in the universe, and he took an important step to unify the two basic theories of the 20th century: Relativity and Quantum Theory. He began with the study of black holes and explored the origin and destination of the universe, and is considered as the most important general relativity and cosmologist in contemporary times. His popular science book "A Brief History of Time" has been translated into more than 40 languages and sold more than 25 million copies, realizing a wonderful life.
My view of myself is not only realistic, but also acceptable.
"A person's maturity shows that his view of himself is not only realistic, but also willing to accept it." Being realistic means "what is reality and what is your opinion of yourself? They are consistent"; I am glad to tell you that I still have many shortcomings and deficiencies. This is the most painful thing for many people in adolescence, because on the one hand, they constantly find that they still have a lot of things to do badly, on the other hand, they have a strong resistance to the idea that they should not do this.
Under the psychological impact of this contradiction, we should learn how to treat our shortcomings and how to treat them when we find our dissatisfaction. Three different attitudes have different consequences.
The first attitude is to "accept and completely change your view of yourself". He gave an example, a man who thinks he is extremely smart and can do everything well. I suddenly found that I didn't do well in the exam. At this time, my first reaction was to accept the result, which completely subverted my previous confidence. After that, I was nothing. "Why do some people end their lives when they encounter a little setback? It is because of this setback that his views have become imperfect, and he has changed his past beliefs and made him unable to live. "
The second attitude is "denial, that is, defensive reaction". For example, some students attributed the failure of the exam to not sleeping well last night, the teacher had difficulty in giving questions, and they were confused. This view implies an attitude-I did fail in the exam, but it has nothing to do with me. "If this happens for a long time, this person's understanding of himself will always stay at a very rigid level, and his ability will be limited."
The third and most positive attitude is "when you find your own shortcomings, accept it first, but adjust your view of yourself instead of completely changing it". The difference between adjustment and radical change is that adjustment refers to a person's view of himself. He thought he was omnipotent at first, but now he knows that he is not omnipotent. "This adjustment can get rid of new problems and further deepen personal views with the increase of experience."
After accepting the gap, the key is how to treat it.
"I know I'm stupid, but I don't care." A student always asks a question over and over again. The teacher is a little impatient: "how can you be so stupid!" " "
The student's answer gave the teacher a lot of inspiration: a student was scolded by the teacher on the spot, but he still said he didn't care, which shows that there is a kind of confidence behind his indifference: teacher, if you dare to say it again, I will understand! I can check the information on the internet, and I can ask you again. I'm sure I can understand this problem. I don't care because I know I am stupid, but I haven't solved the problem yet. "This is true confidence!" "We live in an era when we know less about more and more things, and everyone wants to be excellent in all aspects. However, in real life, I find that there are very few things I can do well and countless things I can't do well. " This raises a question-how to treat yourself when you find the gap between yourself and others.
Wang Dengfeng believes that the gap should be divided into two categories.
The first gap must be changed. For example, a student finds that his academic performance is far behind that of others. Learning is the foundation of settling down and must be changed. However, to allow yourself to have a process of change requires real self-confidence. True self-confidence does not mean believing that you can do things well when everything goes well; I know there are difficulties now, but I still believe that I can do things well, so I won't care that I haven't achieved my goal during this time. "When everyone encounters difficulties, they need to have such a mentality, believe that they can achieve their goals, and believe that perseverance will definitely overcome difficulties."
The second gap stems from too many things to manage. For example, other people's clothes look better than mine, others' cups are more expensive than mine, and others know the details of the stars, but I don't ... Wang Dengfeng said that there is no need to force this gap. What can be changed may be the icing on the cake, and there is no harm in not changing it.
He stressed that when you see that there is a gap between yourself and your classmates, and that your situation is different from what you expected, you must first distinguish between these two categories, and then you must have a clear attitude: when the gap must be changed, you must believe in yourself; When the gap is actually harmless, I might as well tell you happily that my cup also has its own characteristics, and I don't know the names of many singers.
"No one is perfect in real life. The key is to learn to live happily even if there are shortcomings. "