The concept of etiquette
Etiquette refers to the formation of people in social communication due to historical traditions, customs, religious beliefs, the trend of the times and other factors, which is not only recognized by people, but also observed by people. It is the sum total of various codes of conduct and norms aimed at establishing harmonious relations and meeting communication requirements. In short, etiquette is the code of conduct that people should abide by in social communication activities.
The meaning of etiquette
In fact, the etiquette system aimed at maintaining strict feudal hierarchy, especially those backward red tape, is not only unacceptable in the new social system and value system, but also must be resolutely abandoned. Since the Revolution of 1911 completely denied the feudal system for thousands of years, with the fundamental change of social values, the ceremony has also been given a brand-new modern significance.
If the traditional ceremony is a social code of conduct covering all systems, laws and morals, then today's so-called ceremony is only about the etiquette and etiquette forms of related activities, which is also the main category to be discussed in my group of topics.
Etiquette is a process of self-discipline and respect for others in interpersonal communication with certain and established procedures and methods. It involves dressing, communication, communication, emotional intelligence and so on. From the perspective of personal cultivation, etiquette can be said to be the external expression of a person's inner cultivation and quality. From the perspective of communication, etiquette can be said to be an art, a way of communication, or a communication method suitable for interpersonal communication. Showing respect and friendliness is a common practice in interpersonal communication. From the perspective of communication, etiquette can be said to be a skill of mutual communication in interpersonal communication. If classified, it can be roughly divided into five branches: government etiquette, business etiquette, service etiquette, social etiquette and foreign etiquette. But the so-called five subjects, because etiquette is a comprehensive subject, are relative. The etiquette content of each branch is mixed with each other, and most of the etiquette content is roughly the same. The main functions of etiquette, from a personal point of view, are: first, it helps to improve people's cultivation; Second, it helps to beautify oneself and life; It is helpful to promote people's social communication and improve people's interpersonal relationship; It also helps to purify the social atmosphere. From the group point of view, etiquette is an important content of corporate culture and spirit, and it is also the main attachment point of corporate image. Most international enterprises have high standards for etiquette, which is regarded as an important content of corporate culture and an important software that has obtained international certification.
(1) Be kind to others and get along with others, and be a good person first. And this "goodness" should be sincere from the heart, sincere in the middle and formal in appearance, not rhetoric and red tape. The Book of Rites says, "Those who treat their husbands with courtesy have an inferiority complex and respect others" (Note: Book of Rites Quli Shang). It is not enough if you are respectful and enthusiastic on the surface, but hypocritical on the inside, or just respectful on the inside, but without expression. Should be consistent in appearance, in order to fundamentally eliminate the barriers and frictions between people, and then respect and care for each other and get along well with each other. To respect others, we must treat others equally, regardless of rank or rank. If you only pay homage to the upper class, take people with financial power and take people with interests, it is actually what villains do. The Analects of Confucius, Zi Han, recorded that Confucius saw people wearing mourning clothes, hats and dresses and blind people. As soon as they met, even if these people were young, Confucius would stand up. When walking in front of others, you must walk very fast to show your respect. The ancients also had some ways to respect others. First of all, we should respect the wishes of others, understand their needs and taboos, and don't force others to do so. Don't ask others to do what they can't do, and don't ask others to accept what they don't like. The ancients said, "Don't blame others for not doing as well as yourself, not being strong for others, and not suffering for being bad for others" (Note: Wen Zi Wei Xiang). "Don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you (Note: Yan Yuan, Analects of Confucius)" means this. Humor and well-meaning jokes can often bring people relaxed and happy in the communication with people, but never make fun of them. It is very disrespectful to make jokes about other people's names or give them indecent nicknames. In the Northern and Southern Dynasties, Yan Zhitui once commented on this disrespect and resentment: "Fools in this world play with each other. Or those who are called dolphins and calves, knowledgeable, onlookers, and want to cover their ears, the situation is right. " (2) Courtesy is an important standard of courtesy to others. In other words, to accept the kindness of others, we must reciprocate with the same courtesy. In this way, interpersonal communication can go on in a virtuous circle in an equal and friendly way. Therefore, the Book of Rites said: "It is indecent to return the courtesy, but not to come; It is also impolite to come and not go "(Note: On the Book of Rites and Quli). For the benefactor, it should be a drop of water, and the spring will repay each other. In the eyes of the ancients, nothing hurts more than ingratitude. Confucius said: "Good for good, good for people"; "Good for evil, the people will be rewarded." . It can be seen that "repaying kindness with kindness" is the basic moral cultivation of treating people with things. Of course, the politeness of communication should also be moderate. The original intention of giving gifts is to show respect and answer. The so-called gifts are light and heavy, not the more the better. As the article "Zhuangzi Sanmu" said: "The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, and the friendship between villains is as sweet as water; A gentleman is indifferent to his relatives, but a villain is willing to give up. Joining for no reason will also leave for no reason. " Fourth, a person's appearance is the embodiment of his accomplishment and civilization. The ancients believed that solemn etiquette, moderation in advance and retreat, honoring deacons and being gentle and gentle can not only safeguard personal dignity, but also contribute to learning morality. Ancient thinkers once compared the fur of animals with the appearance of people. Animals without fur can't be animals. People lose their manners, that is, they are not people. The ancient people's requirements for musical instruments are inevitably too complicated. The most important of these are the following three aspects. (1) Dress and appearance: Disciple's rules require: "The crown must be straight, the knot must be tied, and the socks and shoes must be tight." These norms are still necessary for modern people. Fasten the hat and tighten the shoes and socks, which are the basic requirements of the concept of musical instrument category. If a person is disheveled and his shoes and socks are not straight, it will often make people feel disgusted or even disgusting. Who will be close to such a person? Of course, the dress must be suitable for your occupation, age, physiological characteristics, living environment and the customs of the people you contact, and make a decent and generous choice. Make-up and affectation will only backfire. (2) Behavior: Confucius said: "A gentleman is not strong if he is not heavy, and his learning is not solid" (Note: "The Analects of Confucius"). This is because only solemnity has majesty. Otherwise, even if you study, you can't consolidate it. The specific requirements are "stand like a pine, sit like a bell, walk like the wind and lie like a bow", that is, stand straight, sit steady, move neatly and sleep sideways. You should not be frivolous or profane in public, but be solemn, cautious and calm, so that "see no evil, don't listen to indecent assault, don't speak indecent assault, don't move indecent assault" (Note: The Analects of Yan Yuan) conforms to etiquette norms everywhere. (3) Speech rhetoric: Language is a mirror of people's thoughts, emotions and cultural accomplishment. The ancients said that "words are sincere, so they are also useful" (note: text). It makes sense to take sincere revision of words as the foundation of career. And we must "keep our word" (note: The Analects of Confucius Lutz). It is impossible to win the trust of a glib person. The second is to be cautious. The ancients said that man was born for heaven, and his tongue was tightly wrapped with two rows of teeth, and his lips were covered with a thick layer, which means that people must be careful what they say. Of course, the ancients did not ask people to talk less, but to speak according to the specific situation. Speak when you speak, and be silent when you are silent. Confucius said, "Those who can talk without talking will lose others.": Don't talk to it in words, it's rude. He who knows does not lose his person, and he who speaks does not lose his words "(Note: The Analects of Wei Linggong). That's the truth. The above aspects are the essence of traditional etiquette in China. Although the times have changed, the ancients' attention to gfd and their requirements for neatness and beauty are still worth learning today. External image is a silent language, which reflects a person's moral cultivation and also conveys a person's internal attitude towards the whole life. He has an elegant appearance. Wherever he goes, he brings the spring breeze of civilization there and is respected by people. There is no doubt that traditional etiquette civilization has a positive impact on the social and historical development of our country. Generally speaking, the more civilized and polite people are, the more harmonious and stable society will be. If each of us is well educated, polite and disciplined, our life will be happier, and the country and society will be more orderly and civilized. From this perspective, etiquette has played a role that politics and law can't. For a long time, the essence and dross of a large number of etiquette culture are in a state of mutual penetration and coexistence, and the dross of etiquette culture has a negative effect that cannot be underestimated. We ignore the traditional etiquette and civilization, a precious spiritual wealth. For a long time, society and schools have not paid enough attention to etiquette education, and many uncivilized behaviors have also increased. In today's socialist spiritual civilization construction, we should base ourselves on absorbing the essence of national culture, make the traditional civilized etiquette serve the present and rebuild a set of modern civilized etiquette.
table manners
The culture on the dining table is commonly known as "drinking culture". In old Beijing, under the influence of society, economy, habits and environment, different families have formed their own dining table culture. Many families have "family banquet", "guest banquet" and "informal banquet" in the way of dining-family banquet refers to the banquet set by families for their own festivals and various festive activities; A guest banquet is a banquet for relatives and friends; It's common to have a common meal. All kinds of etiquette at the dinner table in old Beijing are very particular, which gradually reflects the values of old Beijing in the long years, and consciously or unconsciously constructs a dinner table culture with "courtesy", "filial piety", "virtue" and "teaching" as its contents.
"Li" refers to the etiquette and etiquette of drinking. It reflects the etiquette, ceremony and personal courtesy requirements formed by family moral concepts and customs. Family banquets and informal banquets should be based on "long" (parents and elders), and guest banquets should be based on "guests". So many rules have been formed to bind family members, especially children.
There are formal ceremonies and waiting ceremonies. Formal ceremony refers to the ceremony embodied in the form and atmosphere of etiquette, such as the choice of banquet place, the grade of etiquette, the creation of environment, the preparation of utensils, etc., all of which should reflect a kind of respect for guests. Ceremony refers to the etiquette of entertaining and serving guests. For example, the seating arrangement of banquets is based on the principle of seniority, respect from teachers and respect from afar, that is, the seating is arranged according to seniority, the tutor is given priority, the relatives and friends from afar are given priority, and the relatives and friends from poor families are given special care. The host should spend more time communicating with them, toast more and consciously introduce their "unique skills" to the guests. At the same time, the housekeeper and servants are strictly required not to treat these people ill.
Although every banquet depends on the identity of the guests and the characteristics of etiquette and customs, there are differences in the choice of dishes, quality grades and restaurants, but guests must never be allowed to pick out "no" Pay attention to etiquette in the whole process of greeting, toasting, talking, dining and farewell.
Before the banquet begins, the host should introduce the important guests to everyone and make a concise and enthusiastic toast; When opening a banquet, the host should personally pour the wine and propose a toast to the elders and guests in order, which cannot be forced; Take the initiative to pour wine for the guests who are not good at drinking and pay tribute to the guests; When providing food to guests, we should pay attention to the eating habits of guests, not many times and not much quantity, otherwise it will embarrass guests; The host should pay attention to the universality of mutual communication during the dinner, not to be hot and cold, and if there are female guests, pay more attention to the content of the conversation and respect for the female guests; The host can't put down the dishes and chopsticks in front of the guests, and can't leave the banquet before the guests say they have a good meal; The host should accompany the guest of honor, rinse his mouth and wash his hands before going to another seat for tea.
When cooking in a big family, the chef is required not to have food stains around the plate when serving. When serving, he should hold the plates and bowls with both hands, and don't pick the edges of the plates and bowls with his fingers. Fill rice and soup, not too full when pouring tea, but full when pouring wine, but don't overflow; The action of pouring tea should be standardized. It is forbidden to buckle the bowl cover on the table with the teapot mouth facing the guests. Pour tea and step back before turning away; When lighting a cigarette for a guest, you should put it on a plate. Don't pass cigarettes, light a few people with matches, blow out matches with your mouth, throw away match stalks at will, sweep the floor and dust the table in front of guests, especially don't spill tea leaves on the ground.
In addition, in front of the guests, the host can't reprimand the children and servants; If the host has an argument with the guest's children, the host should take his children away. No matter who is right or wrong, he should apologize to the other party, but he can't teach his children in front of the guests, otherwise the guests will feel uncomfortable.
Children are generally not allowed to attend banquets. I remember when I was a child, I asked my children to be polite, polite and educated. There are three things that are not allowed: no noise and chopsticks knocking on the table, no smacking, no false respect. The second grandma said that it was disgusting to hear squeaking while eating, and it was unbearable to show humility while eating. And let the child who coughs and burps continuously take the initiative to get off the table. Don't drag chairs and stools to avoid making harsh sounds. This is the requirement of silence; Second, it is forbidden to "talk". Children are not allowed to hold food first without their elders moving chopsticks. They are not allowed to put anything in their mouths. They are not allowed to wolf down their food. They are not allowed to stand up and take food that they can't reach. They are not allowed to pick and rummage in the plate with chopsticks. They are not allowed to stare at the food on the table while eating. They are not allowed to point at others with chopsticks. They are not allowed to throw things they don't like, and their mouths are dirty. The most taboo is that children directly insert chopsticks into their rice bowls; Third, children are absolutely not allowed to drink. At that time, the two grandmothers liked to play with the children, play some games at the dinner table, and give a performance if they lost. After dinner, they also want to show the children whose rice bowl and desktop are the cleanest, and the warm atmosphere at the dinner is very strong.
The "filial piety" family banquet pays attention to respecting the elderly and loving filial piety.
When I was a child, grandma and grandma sat in the upper position. Because my third grandmother is paralyzed, she can't attend, but she should leave a place to show her position in the family. When the old woman said "Come and sit", everyone sat down in the order of ranking, and the younger children had to go to another table for dinner. Several aunts and my mother can only stand behind their families, serving food, wine, tea and towels.
At every family dinner, the two grandmothers will order their favorite dishes for their daughter-in-law to reward their daily hard work, which they call reward dishes at family dinners. Grandma is kind and dignified. At the dinner table, everyone should observe the mood of the two old ladies. When you are in a bad mood, you must act according to the rules. We must toast and flatter, we must use different words, and we can't favor one over the other, so everyone is very cautious. When in a good mood, parents also talk and laugh, and lesbians often praise each other's children. Grandma will say at this time: "Everyone is just playing together. Why are you still so disciplined?" At this time, everyone will relax and the atmosphere will be harmonious and happy. Adults will also take their children to the main table to greet the elderly. My sister will please the old man and take out a few peanut beans or candy bars from her pocket and stuff them into his hand. The two parents were very happy and full of praise for their granddaughter. Second grandma is more casual. She would go to the children's table in Doby and ask them to order food and feed it to her mouth. The children are happy, too. Everyone is enjoying family happiness in a positive and harmonious atmosphere.
This kind of "filial piety" is not only the respect and respect of the younger generation to the older generation, but also the care of the older generation to the younger generation. Therefore, the younger generation will respect their elders more, be more filial to the elderly, and cast a sincere filial piety in everyone's heart.
"Virtue" is a kind of conduct, and family drinking requires "concession, moderation and frugality".
"Let" is to ask everyone to be humble to each other, not to rush to eat delicious food, to let others eat first, even if they all eat up, there can be no resentment, to be the first; "Degree" requires eating and drinking moderately, not overeating, and not persuading people to drink too much and get drunk. "Thrift" means to be thrifty and not to waste, especially to ask children not to waste food. The two grandmothers often told the banquet not to be extravagant. After the banquet, everyone should take home the dishes that have not been touched by chopsticks or served on the table.
"Teaching" means family education in drinking. Through example, I inherited the old rules and customs of my family. When having dinner with a tutor, grandma always asks several teachers to "give lectures" to her children and put forward new requirements for them according to social fashion. When I see bad phenomena, I will give them some suggestions to let the children know what to do and what not to do.
Influenced by courtesy, filial piety, morality and teaching, children have developed good eating habits, and then formed a table culture that attaches importance to form, psychology, behavior and inheritance, which is also a microcosm of old Beijing culture.
Campus etiquette
When it comes to caring for public property, some people may think it's a cliche, because I'm afraid even kindergarten children can say a few slogans such as "It's glorious to care for public property, it's shameful to destroy it" and "It's everyone's responsibility to care for public property".
But what have we done in real life? Careful observation reveals that vandalism can be found everywhere on campus: some students trample on the lawn in order to cut corners; Accidentally damaged the doors and windows of the classroom while playing football; Damaged the desks and chairs, railings and trash cans in the campus during outdoor sports; You often see all kinds of graffiti on desks and chairs ... Have you ever thought that whether intentionally or unintentionally, these behaviors have caused damage to public property, brought unnecessary troubles to other students' study and life, and increased the maintenance cost of school public property, which is not a small expense?
Every time you see these uncivilized behaviors, you may frown and mutter to yourself: wicked! Yes, what these people lack is "public morality", they don't talk about social morality, they don't obey the rules and discipline. They never realize that they are also the "owners" of these public properties, and they don't know that public properties are common items, and everyone has the obligation to take care of them.
"Without virtue, the people will not stand, and without virtue, the country will not prosper." Citizen's moral quality reflects a nation's mental state and affects the rise and fall of a nation's cause. A person's words and deeds often show the level of personal quality, which in turn affects the overall quality of the whole collective. Whether a citizen cares about public facilities can reflect a person's moral quality and school spirit. Generally speaking, it also reflects a country's civilization and national quality. The "Implementation Outline of Citizen's Moral Construction" promulgated by our country puts forward social morality with the main content of "being polite, helping others, caring for public property, protecting the environment and obeying the law". As citizens of China people, we should all regulate our behavior according to this requirement.
The ancients said: "Don't do it with small goodness, don't do it with small evils." In fact, caring for public property is also very simple to do. As long as you have a sense of public morality and abide by the rules and regulations of the school everywhere, you can ensure the integrity and normal use of public facilities.
public relations etiquette
Public relations etiquette is the code of conduct for people to engage in public relations activities. Because public relations etiquette is a modern etiquette based on industry, we should not only follow the principle of interpersonal communication, but also pay attention to the following principles.
(A) the overall principles of etiquette system
Etiquette is a complete system, covering everything for thousands of years. Therefore, in foreign exchanges and public relations exchanges, we must not ignore its integrity, but pay attention to the integrity of information collected, because the gender, age, nationality, state, nationality, religion, belief and occupation of a guest or partner all determine what kind of etiquette reception he adapts to and likes, and a mistake in one link may lead to "100-"
Principle of fairness and reciprocity
It is considered impolite to "reciprocate" and "reciprocate". Everyone wants to be respected, arrogant, indifferent or accommodating in social communication. It should be fair and generous, neither supercilious nor supercilious, active and friendly, warm and gentle.
(3) punctuality and punctuality principle
In modern society, punctuality is more important. No matter what the reason, it is impolite not to be punctual and keep appointments, and be modest after you miss an appointment for just reasons.
(d) Respect the principle of custom and the principle of custom taboo.
These useful aphorisms, such as "different winds in ten miles, different customs in eight miles", what songs to sing in what mountains, and "seeing gifts in the door and asking taboos when going out", all illustrate the importance of respecting different customs and taboos in different places. In particular, not knowing foreign taboos and taboos of different nationalities in foreign exchanges may cause unpleasant consequences.
The principle of harmony and moderation
The use of etiquette must be analyzed in detail and handled appropriately according to people, things, time and place.
(6) Principles of diplomatic etiquette and order